Sunday, July 31, 2005

Shaken, Not Stirred

James Bond would have approved: Over the past fortnight Israeli intelligence agents have noticed something distnctly odd happening on the Internet. One by one, A-Qaeda's affiliated websites have vanished until only a handful remain, write Uzi Mahnaimi and Alex Pell.

Someone has cut the lines of communication between the spiritual leaders of international terrorism and their supporters. Since 9/11 the websites have been the main links to disseminate propaganda and information.

The Israelis detect the hand of British intelligence, determined to torpedo the websites after the London attacks of July 7.

Hey, al-Qaeda-M sends his regards.

Must Miss TV

Well, we'll finally get to see what TV in Hell is like.

Yahoo! News: (AP)-Much of the talk around Al Gore's new Current TV network has been broadly philosophicle, like the former vice president's statement that "we want to be the television home page for the Internet generation." With its debut Monday, Current TV will be judged by the same mundane standards as other networks-on whether its programming can hold a viewer's interest.
Considering that Al couldn't hold a person's interest for more than one tenth of a nanosecond, the judgement should be in fairly quickly. After all, Al turned being mundane into an art form.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Peanut Brittle

Mr. Peanut demonstrates once again why he got his butt whipped by The Great One in 1980. BIRMINGHAM, England-Former President Carter said Saturday the detention of terror suspects at the Guantanamo Bay Naval Base was an embarrassment and had given extremists an excuse to attack the United States.

Carter also criticized the U.S.-led war in Iraq as "unnecessary and unjust."

"I think what's going on in Guantanamo Bay and other places is a disgrace to the U.S.A.," he told a news conference at the Baptist World Alliance's centenary conference in Birmingham, England. "I wouldn't say it's the cause of terrorism, but it has given impetus and excuses to potential terrorists to lash out at our country and justify their despicable acts."

No, Jimmah, what was a disgrace was the fact that you ever got elected. Because we all know that Muslim extremists had no reason to hate us when you were in office, right?

Put Some Ice On That

Awww. Poor widdle baby!

Fox News: AMMAN, Jordan-Members of Saddam Hussein's Jordan-based defense team claimed Saturday the former Iraqi president was attacked during a recent court appearance, a claim immediately disputed by the chief investigating judge of the tribunal.

A man burst out from those gathered in the courtroom Thursday and tried to hit Saddam as the ousted leader was leaving the courtroom after a 45-minute hearing, Saddam's legal team said in a statement.

"There was an exchange of blows between the man and the president," the statement said, also claiming the judge overseeing the hearing did nothing to stop the assault.

I wish it had happened-then we could say that Saddam had been "Bush"-whacked yet again!

Friday, July 29, 2005

Brave New World

We may have a new member of the solar system. A newfound object in our solar system's outskirts may be larger than any known world aftere Pluto, scientists said today.

It also has a moon.

Designated as 2003 EL61, the main object in the two-body system is 32 percent as massive as Pluto and is estimated to be about 70 percent of Pluto's diameter.

Look for Wal-Mart to open a factory there sometime next year.

Frist Caves

Continuing in the tradition of the current GOP leadership, Bill Frist has folded like a cheap tent.

THE NEW YORK TIMES: Washington, July 28-In a break with President Bush, the Senate Republican leader, Bill Frist, has decided to support a bill to expand federal financing for embryonic stem cell research, a move that could push it closer to passage and force a confrontation with the White House, which is threatening to veto the measure.

Now, I'm pro-life, but I could respect somebody who believed in embryonic stem cell research, if they were sincere in their beliefs. But Frist has joined a growing list of gutless wonders that make up the Republican Party's senior leadership.

Thursday, July 28, 2005

Make Us Happy

Run, Dick, Run!

DRUDGE REPORT: Veteran wire reporter Helen Thomas is vowing to 'kill herself' if Dick Cheney announces he is running for president.

The newspaper HILL first reported the startling claim on Thursday.


"The day Dick Cheney is going to run for president, I'll kill myself," she told the HILL. "All we need is one more liar."

Thomas added, "I think he'd like to run, but it would be a sad day for the country if he does."

Here's hoping it happens as soon as possible.

Mutual Idiot Admiration Society

Does this mean they're going steady?

FOX News: NEW YORK-Electronic musician Moby says he has a newfound respect for Michigan rap star Eminem-who once mocked him in a song-because Eminem criticized President Bush and the war in Iraq in his last album.

"I found myself respecting him for doing that," Moby told reporters during a promotional stop in Hong Kong for his latest album "Hotel".

Moby and Eminem have had a long-standing feud. Moby has criticized Eminem's lyrics as misogynistic. Eminem lashed out at Moby and electronic music in "Without Me" and spoofed him in the song's video. He called Moby a girl at the 2002 Music Video Awards.
One is a white guy pretending to be black, the other is a nerd pretending to be a musician. It's a match made in heaven!


Any liberal will tell you that we have no right to interfere with the homeless. After all, it's a lifestyle choice to be a smelly, lice-infested bum. Well, they don't have to clean up after them when one of them expires. YONKERS, N.Y.-A 63-year old man died a day after emergency workers found him at his home in such squalid conditions that maggots were eating his flesh, a fire official said Wednesday.

Paramedics went to Michael Link's home Sunday night after his 66-year-old brother and roomate, Adam Link, said the victim was having trouble breathing, fire department surgeon Roger Chirugri said.

Michael Link was lying in his own feces on a pile of debris and "had open wounds with maggots eating on the flesh," Chirugri said.

Link was taken to a hospital, where he died Monday, the surgeon said. His brother was undergoing psychiatric treatment.

I know we all end up as wormfood eventually. I guess he wanted to get a head start.

Hey Man Nice Shot

This is sad, and stupid. Miami-suspended Miami Commissioner Art Teele fatally shot himself in the head of the lobby of the Miami Herald building late Wednesday afternoon.

Teele survived the shooting, and was transported to Jackson Memorial Hospital's Ryder Trauma Center in extremely critical condition.

Teele, 59, had one gunshot wound to the head and before he was taken from the lobby, he had lost a great deal of blood, witnesses said.

According to witnesses, just after 6 p.m., Teele walked into the lobby, spoke calmly with a security guard and shook his hand. Then Teele took a pistol out of a bookbag and held it to his head.

The Herald's Web site says that Teele told the security guard to give a message to Herald coloumnist Jim DeFede. Teele said that he wanted DeFede to tell his wife that he loved her.

Then when police arrived, he pulled the trigger.

Considering this happened in Miami, I'm surprised more of these crooks and sleazebags haven't thought of doing this.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005


One of the would-be bombers who tried to blow up a London subway station has been busted.

FOX News: London-British police Wednesday said they arrested one of the four alleged terrorists who botched an attack on London's transit system on July 21.

Officers with Scotland Yard staged an early morning raid in Birmingham, arresting Yasin Hassan Omar and three other men.

Officers zapped Omar with a taser gun to subdue him, Sky News reported. He was taken to the high-secrutiy facility at London's Paddington Green police station for questioning.

Well, he might not be getting his 72 virgins, but here's hoping he has plenty of cellmates to act as substitutes for the rest of his natural life.

Weird Science

Finally! The moment that nerds everywhere have been waiting for has arrived!
BBC News: Japanese scientists have unveiled the most human-looking robot yet devised-a "female" android called Repliee Q1.

She has flexible silicone for skin rather than hard plastic, and a number of sensors and motors to allow her to turn and react in a human-like manner.

She can flutter her eyelids and move her hands like a human. She can even appear to breathe.

But be warned: They have a Plan...

Tuesday, July 26, 2005


America returns to space.

Yahoo! News: Discovery and seven astronauts blasted into orbit Tuesday on America's first manned space shot since the 2003 Columbia disaster, ending a painful, 2 1/2-year shutdown devoted to making the shuttle less risky and NASA more safety-conscious.

At stake were not only the lives of the astronauts, but also America's pride in its technological prowess, the fate of the U.S. space program and the future of space exploration itself.

Considering that the Shuttles are still using thirty-year-old technology, this is a good day for America's space program. Good luck and God speed.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Has-Beens 'R' Us

It was bound to happen. Ricky Martin has gone la vida loco. Pop singer Ricky Martin, on his first ever visit to the Middle East, pledged Monday that he would try to change negative perceptions of Arab youth in the West.

"I promise I will become a spokesperson, if you will allow me to, a spokesperson on your behalf. I will defend you and try to get rid of any stereotypes," he told youngsters from 16 mainly Arab countries attending a press conference. The children, aged 14 to 16, expressed concern about being labeled as "terrorists" by the West. "I have been a victim of stereotypes. I come from Latin America and to some countries, we are considered 'losers,' drug traffickers, and that is not fair because that is generalizing," said Martin, sporting a black T-shirt and jeans.
On the other hand, Martin says he will continue to be a spokesperson for gay Latin men everywhere.

You Reap What You Sow

This is an extreme reaction, but somehow I don't have a lot of sympathy for this guy. Vardan Kushnir, notorious for sending spam to each and every citizen of Russia who appeared to have an e-mail, was found dead in his Moscow apartment on Sunday, Interfax reported Monday. He died after suffering repeated blows to the head.

Kushnir, 35, headed the English learning centers the Center for American English, the New York English Centre and the Centre for Spoken English, all known to have aggressive Internet advertising policies in which millions of e-mails were sent every day.
Word to spammers: When somebody says they don't like spam, they mean it!

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Just A Good Ol' Boy

This is from a guy who was one of Clinton's biggest defenders during the impeachment era, so I'm not sure how seriously to take this. But here's Cooter nonetheless:

Yahoo! Finance-WASHINGTON, Va., July 13/PRNewswire/-Former Georgia Congressman Ben Jones, who played "Cooter" on the hit TV series "The Dukes of Hazzard" has blasted the new film version to be released in August as a "profanity-laced script with blatant sexual situations that mocks the good clean family values of our series."

In an open letter to the fans of the show on his Web site, Jones says that "rather than honoring our legendary show, they have chosen to degrade it." He closes by saying that fans should send the producers a message that says, "If you don't clean it up, we're not going to see it." He adds, "Maybe a kick in the pocketbook will get their attention."

Jones, who was defeated by Newt Gingrich in 1994, now operates "Dukes of Hazzard" museums, in Nashville and Gatlinburg, Tenn.

The series is now having a very successful cable run on CMT based in Nashville, Tenn.

Right, Cooter, because "Family Values" is the first thing that comes to my mind when I think of the original Daisy Duke.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Fighting Back

The Swimmer gets what he deserves.

The Washington Times: Soldiers from Massachussetts and Hawaii who work at the U.S. military detention facility at U.S. Naval Base Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, gave visiting home-state senators a piece of their mind last week.

Sens. Edward M. Kennedy, Massachusetts Democrat, and Daniel K. Akaka, Hawaii Democrat, met with several soldiers during a visit led by Armed Services Committee Chairman Sen. John W. Warner, Virginia Republican.

Pentagon officials said soldiers criticized the harsh comments made recently by Senate Democrats.

Sen. Richard J. Durbin of Illinois, the Senate's No. 2 Democrat, last month invoked widespread military outrage when he compared Guantanamo to the prison labor systems used by communist tyrant Josef Stalin, Cambodia's Pol Pot and Adolf Hitler.

"They got stiff reactions from those home-state soldiers," one official told us. "The troops down there expressed their disdain for that kind of commentary, especially comparisions to the gulag."

A spokesman for Mr. Kennedy had no comment.
Maybe because the Senator was too busy trying to find the bar.

Why We Fight

In the wake of the London attacks, we have this shining example of multiculturalism.

LONDON (Reuters)-Militant Islamists will continue to attack Britain until the government pulls its trooops out of Iraq and Afghanistan, one of the country's most outspoken Islamic clerics said Friday.

Speaking 15 days after bombers killed over 50 people in London and a day after a series of failed attacks on the city's transport network, Sheikh Omar Bakri Mohammad said the British capitol should expect more violence.

"What happened yesterday confirmed that as long as the cause and the root problem is still there...we will see the same effect we saw on July 7," Bakri said.
Root problems, Omar? How about Britain perform root canal surgery on you without anesthesia?

Back In The Saddle

Like MacArthur, I have returned. Look for updates and other stuff very soon.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Movin' On Up

Well, I've finally finished the first half of my big move. Barring any unforseen circumstances, I should be back here posting witty and pithy commentary on Wednesday. See you all then!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

Never Surrender

In the aftermath of the deadly terrorist attacks in London, we have had various reactions from world leaders condemning the attacks. But check out the differences between at least three of them. First, Donald Rumsfeld.

WASHINGTON, July 7, 2005-If terrorists thought they could intimidate the people of a great nation during today's attacks in London, "they picked the wrong people and the wrong nation," Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld said in a statement released today.

History is filled with examples of tyrants, fascists, and terrorists intent on carrying out violence against the British people "only to founder," Rumsfeld said.
Now here's the Churchill of our generation, Tony Blair:

GLENGEAGLES, Scotland (Reuters)-British Prime Minister Tony Blair condemned on Thursday a "barbaric" series of attacks in London and said it was "reasonably clear" that terrorists were behind the wave of explosions.

(Snip) "It is partcicularly barbaric that this happened on a day when people are meeting to try to help the problems of poverty in Africa, the long-term problems of climate change and the environment," he said in a televised statement.

"Whatever they do, it is our determination that they will never succeed in destroying what we hold dear in this country," he told reporters, referring to those behind the attacks.
And now, we have Britain's resident terrorist apologist and traitor, George Galloway.

The Respect MP, whose Bethnal Green and Bow constituency includes the site of at least one of the bomb attacks, said the attacks were "despicable."

He told Commons it was the U.S.-led coalition's actions in Afghanistan, Iraq and Guantanamo which had inflamed hatred of the West in the Muslim world.

(Snip) Mr. Galloway, who was expelled from the Labour Party over his outspoken comments on the Iraq war, linked the deaths of people in London to the deaths of those in Fallujah at the hands of coalition forces.

Earlier, in a statement, the MP said: "The loss of innocent lives, whether in this country or Iraq, is precisely the result of a world that has become a less safe and peaceful place in recent years.

"We have worked without rest to remove the causes of such violence from our world.

"We argued, as did the security services in this country, that the attacks on Afghanistan and Iraq would increase the threat of terrorist attack in Britain.

"Tragically Londoners have now paid the price of the government ignoring such warnings."

Mr. Galloway urged the government to remove people in the UK from "harm's way" by ending the occupation of Iraq and focusing on finding a real solution to conflicts in the Middle East.

Downing Street declined to comment on Mr. Galloway's comments.
If Galloway had been around during the Blitz, he would have blamed the bombings on Britain's insistance on defending itself and cited France as an example of how to deal with the Nazis. Thank God Tony Blair is in office instead.

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Enter The Dragon

The Chinese are throwing a temper tantrum.

Washington Post: SHANGHAI, July 4-The Chinese government on Monday sharply criticized the United States for threatening to erect barriers aimed at preventing the attempted takeover of the American oil company Unocal Corp. by one of China's three largest energy firms, CNOOC Ltd.

Four days after the House of Representatives overwhelmingly approved a resolution urging the Bush administration to block the proposed transaction as a threat to national security, China's Foreign Ministry excoriated Congress for injecting politics into what it characterized as a standard business matter.

"We demand that the U.S. Congress correct its mistaken ways of politicizing economic and trade issues and stop interfering in the normal commercial exchanges between enterprises of the two countries," the Foreign Ministry said in a written statement. "CNOOC's bid to take over the U.S. Unocal company is a normal commercial activity between enterprises and should not fall victim to political interference. The development of economic and trade cooperation between China and the United States conforms to the interests of both sides.

Those words, the latest rhetorical volley in an escelating trade battle, officially elevated the takeover battle for Unocal into a bilateral issue involving Washington and Beijing, raising the stakes of the outcome.
Well, it would be a normal commercial activity if it weren't for the fact that China has its sights set on Taiwan. The next time a leftist complains about greedy, arrogant fascists, remind them that they're talking about China.

Space Oddity

From the you-can't-make-this-stuff-up department comes this:

CNN-MOSCOW, Russia (Reuters)-A Russian astrologist who says NASA has altered her horoscope by crashing a spacecraft into a comet is suing the U.S. space agency for damages of $300 million, local media has reported.

NASA deliberately crashed its probe, named Deep Impact, into the Tempel 1 comet to unleash a spray of material formed billions of years ago which scientists hope will shed new light on the composition of the solar system.

"It is obvious that elements of the comet's orbit, and correspondingly the ephemeris, will change after the explosion, which interferes with my astrology work and distorts my horoscope," Izvestia daily quoted astrologist Marina Bai as saying in legal documents submitted before Monday's collision.

A spokeswoman for a Moscow district court said initial preperations for the case were underway but could not say when the hearing would begin. NASA representatives in Moscow were unavailable for comment.
That's because they were laughing too hard to answer the phone.

Cheap French Whine

In a bid to prove he's still the quintessential Frenchman, Jacques Chirac has weighed in on British culture with his usual wit and charm.

The Telegraph-Anglo-French tensions heightened last night after Jacques Chirac delivered a series of insults to Britain as London and Paris fought to secure the 2012 Olympic Games and faced fresh disagreement at the G8 summit.

The president, chatting to the German and Russian leaders in a Russian cafe, said: "The only thing [the British] have ever given European farming is mad cow." Then, like generations of French people before him, he also poked fun at British cuisine.

"You can't trust people who cook as badly as that," he said. "After Finland, it's the country with the worst food."
In response, Tony Blair said, "Well, I would criticize French hygine-but they don't have any."

Monday, July 04, 2005

We Are The Clueless

If you want to get rid of poverty, what do you do? Get a bunch of raging egomaniacs together, of course! While they preached charity and love onstage at Live8, the celebrity backstage area was all about warring egos.

Major-league musicians were crammed, along with a host of celebrities major and minor, into an area of only 150 square feet-leading to the inevitable trodden-on toes and bruised feelings.

SIR PAUL McCARTNEY, who both opened and closed Live7, made sure every one knew exactly whose show it really was by continually strolling up and down the backstage area with his entourage of six in tow.

Wife HEATHER was filming the whole thing, and boasted that she was planning to hawk her fly-on-the-wall programme to networks around the world in six months.

"I will get it syndicated worldwide," she said. "I have contacts with all the networks." Her plans were dealt a blow, however, two hours before the show ended when she was told that she had to stop filing as it was against the Live8 rules for anyone to video any part of the event.

(Snip) SIR ELTON JOHN, who flew to perform in Dublin after completing his set, had a mere five bodyguards with him, but they took their duties seriously enough to be standing outside as he used the super-plush mahogony portable toilets.

A surly ROBBIE WILLIAMS used his two minders to keep away autograph hunters. Everyone was agreed that the singer, charm personified on stage, was the biggest grouch behind the scenes. He paced up and down outside his dressing room to make sure all eyes were on him but snarled as anyone came near him.

BRAD PITT, on stage for all of two minutes, was furious that he did not have his own dressing room and RICHARD CURTIS, the director who heads the Make Poverty History campaign, had to vacate his for the actor.

The next time somebody decides to stage an event like this, maybe they'd better get a bunch of unkowns or barely known up-and-comers. I don't think the stage could handle another massive ego attack.

Out Of Africa

Want to know why Live 8 won't do anything except make some multimillionaires feel better? This is why.

NEW YORK POST-NAIROBI, Kenya (AP)-Africa is filled with good intentions that ended badly. Half-completed hydroelectric dams covered with weeds, empty irrigation pipes decaying in the equatorial sun and roads that literally lead to nowhere dot the continent, testaments to corruption and bad judgement. Despite billions of dollars in aid, Africa has gone backwards since the 1970's on every measurable level.

(Snip) In an interview with the Associated Press, Ethiopian Prime Minister Meles Zenwai-who serves on Blair's commission-had advice for both donors and recipients.

"The donors should use development assistance not to prop-up all sorts of unsavory leaders simply because of their geopolitical or other interests, but to support actual development," Meles said, referring to the Cold War years when African leaders pocketed money from either the United States or the Soviet Union with impunity.

"On the African side, I think it is time for Africans to stop blaming everyone except themselves for the dire situation we find ourselves in," he added. "We need to own up to our own shortcomings in the past and come up with alternative strategies and implement them."

Of course, wealthy white liberals in the US and Britain would have none of that. After all, who knows what's best for Africa other than them?

Friday, July 01, 2005

Dancing With His Father

One of the R&B greats has left us.

Fox News: NEW YORK-Grammy award winner Luther Vandross, whose deep, lush voice on hits like "Here and Now" and "Any Love" sold more than 25 million albums while providing the romantic backdrop for millions of couples worldwide, died Friday. He was 54.

Vandross died at 1:47 p.m. at the John F. Kennedy Medical Center in Edison, N.J., said hospital spokesman Robert Cavanaugh. Cavanaugh did not release the cause of death.

Since suffering a stroke in his Manhattan home on April 16, 2003, the R&B crooner stopped making public appearances-but amazingly managed to continue his recording career. In 2004, he captured four Grammys as a sentimental favorite, including best song for the bittersweet "Dance With My Father."

Vandross, in addition to his stroke, battled weight problems for years while suffering from diabetes and hypertension.

He was arguably the most celebrated R&B balladeer of his generation. He made women swoon with his silky yet forceful tenor, which he often revved up like a motor engine before reaching his beautiful crescendos.
Somewhere, Barry White and Luther are making the women in heaven pass out. R.I.P., Superstar.

She's Gone

And you thought the battle over judicial nominees was bad before? Well...
The Washington Times-Supreme Court Justice Sandra Day O'Conner announced her retirement today, kicking off what promises to be an acrinomious summer confirmation fight over her successor.

The retirement took many in Washington by surprise, since speculation had centered on Chief Justice William H. Rhenquist-who suffers from thyroid cancer-to retire. Both sides had lined up to fight a massive and expensive battle over his replacement.
The way things are going, any nominee Bush tries to send now will be ready for retirement themselves by the time they're actually confirmed.

Robots Aren't People, Too

The case against robot rights: Milan-based corporate lawyer Stefania Lucchetti has asked: “in a scenario where an algorithm can take autonom...