Canadian Smoked Bacon

No War For Bryan Adams!

Washington Post Invading Canada won't be like invading Iraq: When we invade Canada, nobody will be able to grumble that we didn't have a plan.

The United States government does have a plan to invade Canada. It's a 94-page document called "Joint Army and Navy Basic War Plan-Red," with the word SECRET stamped on the cover. It's a bold plan, a bodacious plan, a step-by-step plan to invade, seize and annex our neighbor to the north. It goes like this:

First, we send a joint Army-Navy overseas force to capture the port city of Halifax, cutting the Canadians off from their British allies.

Then we seize Canadian power plants near Niagra Falls, so they freexe in the dark.

Then the U.S. Army invades on three fronts-marching from Vermont to take Montreal and Quebec, charging out of North Dakota to grab the rairoad center at Winnipeg, and storming out of the Midwest to capture the strategic nickel mines of Ontario.

Meanwhile, the U.S. Navy seizes the Great Lakes and blockades Canada's Atlantic and Pacific ports.

At that point, it's only a matter of time before we bring those Molosn-swigging, maple-mongering Zamboni drivers to their knees! Or, as the official planners wrote, stating their objective in bold capital letters: "ULTIMATELY TO GAIN COMPLETE CONTROL."

And only then will we give back Terence and Phillip! We should have done this long ago for forcing William Shatner on us if for nothing else.

Lessons Learned

And the "Do as I say, not as I do" award of the year goes to...

Yahoo News

Maybe it was the time the taxi dumped him at the Iraq-Kuwait border, leaving him alone in the middle of the desert. Or when he drew a crowd at a Baghdad food stand after using an Arabic phrase book to order. Or the moment a Kuwaiti cab driver almost punched him in the face when he balked at the $100 fare.

But at some point, Ferris Hassan, a 16-year-old from Florida, realized that travelling to Iraq by himself was not the safest thing he could have done with his Christmas vacation.

And he didn't even tell his parents.

Hassan's dangerous adventure winds down with the 101st Airborne delivering the Fort Lauderdale teen to the U.S. embassy in Baghdad, which had been on the lookout for him and promises to see him back to the United States this weekend.

It begins with a high school class on "immersion journalism" and one overly eager-or naively idealistic-student who's lucky to be alive after going way beyond what any teacher would ask.

As a junior this year at a Pine Crest school, a prep academy of about 700 students in Fort Lauderdale, Hassan studied writers like John McPhee in the book "The New Journalism," an introduction to immersion journalism-a writer who lives the life of his subject in order to better understand it.

Diving headfirst into an assignment, Hassan, whose parents were born in Iraq but have lived in the United States for 35 years, hung out at a local mosque. The teen, who says he has no religious affiliation, added that he even spent an entire night until 6 a.m. talking politics with a group of Muslim men, a level of "immersion" his teacher characterized as dangerous and irresponsible.

Jeeze, kid. Next time just go to the mall.

Witnesses For The Prosecution

I'm still waiting to hear how Ramsey Clarke is going to explain this.

Fox News BAGHDAD, Iraq-Municipal workers in the Shiite holy city of Karbala found remains believed to be from a mass grave dating to 1991, when Saddam Hussein's regime put down a Shiite uprising in the South.

The remains were discovered Monday and were sent for testing Tuesday in an effort to identify the bodies, said Rahman Mashawy, a Karbala police spokesman. He did not say how many bodies were found, and the police claim could not be independently verified.

Human rights organizations estimate that more than 300,000 people, mainly Kurds and Shiite Muslims, were killed and buried in mass gravesn during Saddam's 23-year rule, which ended when U.S.-led forces toppled his regime in 2003. Saddam and several co-defendants are now on trial for the deaths of more than 140 Shiites after a 1982 attempt on Saddam's life in the town of Dujail, north of Baghdad.

It's OK, lefties. Just keep saying to yourselves: "Bush is Hitler...Bush is Hitler...Bush is Hitler..."

Professor Of Assatology

For a guy who's supposedly educated, the level of this guy's stupidity is amazing. From Iran's news agency we get the following gems of wisdom:

TEHRAN, Dec. 26 (MNA)--Professor of political science Abdullah Mohammad Sindi says there was no such thing as the "holocaust" and argues that it is in fact Israel which has created a real holocaust for Palestinians.

On December 18, the Mehr News Agency conducted an interview with him to learn his views on why Western countries were so outraged when the Iranian president said that if the Westerners were sincere and believe in the Holocaust, then why don't they give part of their land to the Jews and asked why the Palestinians should have to pay the penalty for the West's crimes. Following is a text of the interview.

Q: Iranian President Mahmud Ahmadinejad said that he thinks that the Holocaust is a myth. However, he aslo said some European countries insist that millions of innocent Jews were killed during the Second World War by Hitler, and asked why the Europeans don't give part of their land to the Jews if they are correct. What is your view?

A: I agree wholeheartedly with President Ahmadinejad. There was no such a thing as the "Holocaust." The so-called "holocaust" is nothing but Jewish/Zionist propaganda. There is no proof whatsoever that any live Jew was ever gassed or burned in Nazi Germany or in any of the territories that Nazi Germany occupied during World War Two. The holocaust propaganda was started by the Zionist Jews in order to acquire world-wide sympathy for the creation of Israel after World War two. I detailed all of this in my book (The Arabs and the West: The Contributions and the Inflictions)

Well, now we know where David Duke and Pat Buchanan have been getting their talking points from.

Eurdopa, Eurdopa

Ah, yes. Europe. Such sophistication, such culture!

Reuters UK VIENNA (Reuters)- Spoof posters depicting the Queen having sex with the U.S. and French presidents and displayed across Vienna are causing embarrassment just days ahead of Austria's taking over the EU presidency.

The images showed two naked female models wearing masks of President George W. Bush and the Queen, and a male model with a President Jacques Chirac mask, positioned as if they were having sex.

Chancellor Wolfgang Schuessel appealed to the artists to withdraw the images, according to a spokeswoman quoted by the APA news agency.

Part of a series called "euroPART" and created by artists from all 25 member countries of the European Union, the posters were meant to "reflect on the different social, historical, and political developments in Europe", said art project 25peaces, which commissioned the posters.

Yeah, because nothing says European history more than a Frenchman screwing everybody else.

Respect Our Authority!

Somebody has a BB gun shoved up their ass.

U.S. Newswire WASHINGTON, Dec. 16/U.S. Newswire/-A recent episode of Comedy Central's South Park that mocked the Blessed Virgin Mary in a "tasteless and ugly fashion" reflects "extreme insensitivity," said Bishop William S. Skylstad, president of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops in a letter to Tom Freston, co-president and chief operating officer of Viacom International which operates Comedy Central.

Bishop Skylstad made his criticism in a Dec. 14 letter to Freston.

"I hope you will appreciate the gravity of the hurt this program has caused and you will not permit your networks to be used to give similar offense in the future," Bishop Skylstad said also.

Spoken like a guy who will now become South Park's next target.

The Worst Of The Worst

Human Events has compiled an interesting list of the worst offenders in the GOP.

1. Sen. Lincoln Chafee (R.I.)
Once approached by Democratic Leader Harry Reid to switch parties, Chafee has long supported liberal policies. He backs legal abortion, gay rights, federal-funded health care, strict environmental protections and a higher minimum wage. Opposes ANWR drilling. Also was the only Republican in Congress not to endorse the President's reelection and one of three who tried to gut Bush's tax cuts.

2. Sen. Olympia Snowe (Maine)
A self-described "centrist," Snowe scored a 100% pro-choice voting record as scored by NARAL and consistently votes with Democrats on social issues.

3. Sen. Arlen Specter (Pa.)
"Snarlin' Arlen" warned Bush not to nominate judges who might overturn Roe v. Wade, joined Chaffee reducing tax cuts and supported Democrats on the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty, HMO and overtime regulation. Also opposed school choice in Washington, D.C.

4. Sen Susan Collins (Maine)
Voted with liberals on the 1999 tax cut, campaign finance reform and the partial-birth abortion ban. Also advocated "pay-as-you-go" tax cuts with spending increases in 2004, leading to a budget never agreed upon between the House and Senate.

5. Rep. Christopher Shays (Conn.)
He led the House fight for McCain-Feingold campaign finance "reform." He's also prone to back environmental causes, gun control and abortion rights. He had no GOP challenger in 2004, but narrowly escaped defeat, 52% to 48%, by a Democratic opponent in the general election.

6. Gov. George Pataki (N.Y.)
Helped unions raise pay and unionize Indian casinos. Has said, "I believe in a limited government, low taxes, a tough approach to crime...but I also believe in an activist government. I'm not one of those laissez-faire types."

7. Rep. Sherwood Boehlert (N.Y.)
Over the course of his 23-year career, he's gained considerable power (chairman of the Science Committee), despite amassing one of the most liberal voting records of any House Republican. Fought back conservative challengers in 2000 and 2002 and could face a GOP challenge in '06.

8. Gov. Mitt Romney (Mass.)
Has said, "I believe that abortion should be safe and legal in this country." Supports civil unions and stringent gun laws. After visiting Houston, he criticized the city's aesthetics, saying, "This is what happens when you don't have zoning."

9. Re. Michael Castle (Del.)
As President of the moderate Republican Main Street Partnership and key player in the so-called Tuesday Group lunches, he is a ring-leader of RINOs. He's teamed with Democrats to make federal funding of embryonic stem cell research one of his top priorities.

10. Rep. Jim Leach (Iowa)
One of only six House Republicans to vote against the Iraq War resolution in 2002, he was also the only republican to vote against President Bush's 2003 tax cuts. His support for environmental causes and abortion rights has won him liberal fans.

I could think of a few more (Chuck Hagel, anyone?) but these people are the reason why the GOP couldn't get its act together to save its life these days.

Denying Doctor Death

Physician, kill thyself!

Yahoo! News (AP) The state board rejected a request to pardon assisted-suicide advocate Jack Kevorkian or commute his sentence, despite warnings that he is in grave condition.

The 77-year-old former doctor is serving a 10-to 25-year prison sentence for murder for giving a fatal injection of drugs in 1998 to a man with lou Gherig's disease. Kevorkian is not eligible for parole until 2007.

His lawyer, Mayer Morganroth, warned last month that Kevorkian was in "dire shape" and might not live that long. Kevorkian suffers from high blood pressure, arthritis, cataracts, osteoperosis and Hepatitis C, the lawyer said.

Maybe the good doctor is afraid of where he's going. Otherwise, why not just give himself a dose of his own medicine?

Year-End Roundup

The indominitable Michelle Malkin has a list of the Top Ten Unhinged Moments of 2005, courtesy of The Political Teen.

Here are a few of the crackpot sights and ridiculous sounds that made 2005 a year to remember (many thanks to Ian Schwartz at The Political Teen for his indispensible video blogging):

Video clips...

10: Spike Lee: Tinfoil hat-wearing levee expert

9: CNBC mugs Bernie Goldberg

8: Union thugs unhinged

7: Chris Matthews unhinged

6: MoveOn.org's homage to "American" troops

5: Liberal tolerance: "We have to exterminate white people"

4: Liberal math: George Washington=terrorist

3: Philosopher-rapper Kanyer West's telethon tirade: "George Bush doesn't care about black people"

2: NBC's canoe girl: Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream...

1: Al Fanken: Unglued, unfunny, unhinged.

The Political Teen has a lot more stuff; check it out if you can.

Merry Christmas!

FROM MY BLOG TO YOURS-MERRY CHRISMTAS!

Double Standard? Who, Us?

The Democrats once again display their collective amnesia about their own past.

CNS News Claims by a top Senate Democrat that the Clinton administration's warrantless surveillance of suspected spies and terrorists was different from what the Bush Administration has employed are being contradicted by a former Justice Department official who served under President Bill Clinton.

John Schmidt, who served as associate attorney general between 1994 and 1997, argues that both Congress and the Supreme Court have recognized presidents' "inherent authority" to bypass warrants in ordering the eavesdropping of U.S. citizens suspected of conspiring with foreign gobernments or terrorists to injure or kill Americans.

On Wednesday, Sen. Patrick Leahy (D-Vt.), the ranking Democrat on the Senate Judiciary Committee, chided reporters for suggesting that Clinton ordered the same kinds of surveillance of U.S. citizens as Bush. Leahy claimed in a press conference that Clinton acted under "an entirely different power.

"If you go back to Clinton and (President Jimmy) Carter, those are searches under a FISA (Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act) provision into embassies, foreign embassies, things of that nature," Leahy argued. "It's an entirely different situation."

But in at least one well-documented case, Clinton autroized domestic electronic surveillance of a U.S. citizen without a warrant. FBI agents were allowed to break into the home of 31-year CIA veteran Aldrich Ames in 1993 to install eavesdropping devices.

An FBI summary of the case described it this way: "FBI Special Agents and Investigative Specialists conducted intensive physical and electronic surveillance of Ames during a ten-month investigation. Searches of Ames's residence revealed documents and other information linking Ames to the Russian foreign intelligence service."

Those who do not remember their own past are condemned to deny it.

That's Not A Knife...

This kid is one lucky bastard.

abc13.com SALT LAKE CITY, UT-There was a freak accident in Salt Lake City. A Boy Scout leader saved another scout from falling, but accidentally stabbed him in the brain.

The leader was raking leaves for a Boy Scout event when he tried to catch another scout, Kevin Coulter, who had tripped. But the knife the leader was holding slipped from his hand and stabbed Coulter in the brain.

It was lodged between his frontal lobes and luckily, it just missed a major blood vessel.

"That's the best spot it you are going to have a knife in your head," said Coulter. "I just felt pressure."

From now on, just call him Three-Eyes.

The Face On The Barroom Floor

Tereza Heinz, is that you?

Seattle Post-Intelligencer DETROIT_The wife of Democratic U.S. Rep John Conyers has been accused of punching a woman in the eye during a bar fight.

A spokesman for Monica Conyers, a city councilwoman-elect, confirmed Friday that she was involved in an altercation. But he said Conyers merely defended herself after being attacked by another woman.

The spokesman said Rebecca Mews became upset Tuesday during a birthday celebration for an attorney, who Mews says was her date. While Conyers was speaking with the man, Mews "came over and literally started spewing obscene names," and shoved Conyers, said Conyers' chief of staff, Sam Riddle.

"This woman was obviously drunk, and the councilwoman vigorously defended herself," he said.

You know, if Ms. Conyers wants to hang around loudmouthed drunks, she doesn't need to go to a bar. She can just follow her husband to Washington and see Ted Kennedy.

He's Mad As Hell

Kofi comes unhinged at the suggestion that there is gambling going on in his establishment.

Times Online Then, Annan honed in one one of his most persistent critics, James Bone of The Times, who for months has raised questions at the daily UN briefing about the Secretary-General and his son's knowledge and possible involvement in the scandal.

An 18-month investigation led by Paul Volcker, the former chairman of the US Federal Reserve, cleared Annan of influencing an Oil-for-Food contract that went to a company which employed Kojo, but was strongly critical of Annan's overall management of the programme.

The outburst happened at Annan's year-end press conference, when Bone mentioned a Mercedes-Benz which Kojo Annan imported into Ghana, using his father's diplomatic immunity to avoid taxes and customs duty. He added that some of the Secretary-General's version of the Oil-for-Food related events "don't really make sense."

"I think you're being very cheeky," Annan interrupted.

"Listen, James Bone, you've been behaving like an overgrown schoolboy in this room for many, many months and years. You are an embarrassment to your colleagues and to your profession. Please stop misbehaving and please let's move on to a serious journalist."

Hey, Kofi, I understand-it's not easy being a useless figurehead. Just ask Howard Dean.

It's Over

Back to work, boneheads.

ABC News NEW YORK-The city's crippling three-day transit strike ended Thursday when union leaders facing mounting fines, possible jail terms and the wrath of millions of commuters voted to send their 33,000 members back to work without a new contract.

Union board members said the workers would return to their job sites starting with the next shifts. The vote was overwhelmingly in favor of returning to work and resuming negotiations with the Metropolitan Transit Authority on a new three-year contract.

Acting like you're two years old just days before Christmas is a good way of ensuring that you won't get anything in your stocking.

It's Alive

Are these guys trying to put God out of work?

Globeandmail.com Work on the world's first human-made species is well under way at a research complex in Rockville, Md., and scientists in Canada have been quietly conducting experiments to help bring such a creature to life.

Robert Holt, head of sequencing for the Genome Science Centre at the University of British Columbia, is heading efforts at his Vancouver lab to play a key role in the production of the first synthetic life form-a microbe made from scratch.

The project is being spearheaded by U.S. scientist Craig Venter, whogained fame in his former job as head of Celera Genomics, which completed a privately-owned map of the human genome in 2000.

If any of these new life forms ever develops intelligence and see us as its god, it's in big trouble.

In Da Club

So this is what ancient Rome would have looked like with snow and socialism.

Reuters OTTOWA (Reuters)-Group sex between consenting adults is neither prostitution nor a threat to society, the Supreme Court of Canada ruled on Wednesday, dismissing arguments that the sometimes raucous activities of so-called "swingers" clubs are dangerous.

In a ruling that radically changes the way Canadian courts determine what poses a threat to the population, the court threw out the conviction of a Montreal man who ran a club where members could have group sex in a private room behind locked doors.

"Consensual conduct behind code-locked doors can hardly be supposed to jeopardize a society as vigorous and tolerant as Canadian society," said the opinion of the seven-to-two majority, written by Chief Justice Beverly McLachlin.

Canadian vigor-isn't it too cold up there for that sort of thing?

Damn Dirty Commies

Damn you, Stalin! Damn you all to hell!

The Scotsman THE Soviet dictator Josef Stalin ordered the creation of Planet of the Apes-style warriors by crossing humans with apes, according to recently uncovered secret documents.

Moscow archives show that in the mid-1920s Russia's top animal breeding scientist, Ilya Ivanov, was ordered to turn his skills from horse and animal work to the quest for a super-warrior.

According to Moscow newspapers, Stalin told the scientist, "I want a new invincible human being, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat."

Actually, we've had these guys for years. You can see them each week on Monday Night Raw.

Dead Air

Iranians can now be safe from the evils of Kenny G.

ABC News TEHRAN, Iran-Hard-line President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has banned all Western music from Iran's state radio and TV stations in an eerie reminder of the 1979 Islamic revolution when popular music was outlawed as "un-Islamic" under Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini.

Today, though, the sounds of hip-hop can be heard blaring from car radios in Tehran's streets, and Eric Clapton's "Rush" and the Eagles' "Hotel California" regularly accompany Iranian broadcasts.

No more. The official IRAN Persian daily reported Monday that Ahmadinejad, as head of the Supreme Cultural Revolutionary Council, ordered the enactment of an October ruling by the council to ban all Western music, including classical music, on state broadcast outlets.

"Blocking indecent and Western music from the Islamic republic of Iran Broadcasting is required," according to a statement on the council's official Web site.

This coming from a guy who looks like Ringo Starr. And is about half as tall. Well, at least he's keeping Iran safe for all that damn caterwauling.

Paging Officer Dangle

Finally, a real job for that guy who used to be in The Village People!

Sun-Sentinel FORT LAUDERDALE-The Police Department is looking for a few good men and women-who are gay.

The department has begun running advertising targeted to a gay and lesbian audience, hoping to add diversity to their ranks. The department also will have its first booth at the next gay Pridefest here, officials said.

"I wouldn't mind seeing more openly gay officers at the department," said Police Detective Brice Brittenum. "I think that would be great for the department and the community."

The department will provide uniforms and flashing lights, but you will be allowed to make your own siren noises.

Santa Rage

The evil Santa from Futurama would've been proud.

FOX News WELLINGTON, New Zealand-A group of 40 people dressed in Santa Claus costumes, many of them drunk, rampaged through New Zealand's largest city, robbing stores and assaulting security guards, police said Sunday.

The rampage, dubbed "Santarchy" by local newspapers, began early Saturday afternoon when the men, wearing ill-fitting Santa costumes, threw beer bottles and urinated on cars from an Aukland overpass, said Aukland Central Police spokeswoman Noreen Hegarty.

I guessed the missed the boat to Hong Kong...

Hong Kong Phooey

Where's Jackie Chan when you need him?

Star Tribune

HONG KONG-Hundreds of protesters broke through police lines and came close to storming into the WTO's meeting today, but security forces scattered the crowd with tear gas in central Hong Kong.

It was the worst street violence the city has experienced in decades, and police quickly locked the doors to the convention center, where trade ministers from around the world were in the final hours of a six-day negotiation.

I have to wonder-how do anarchists pay for fines when they don't believe in money? For that matter, how do they get to the WTO meetings in the first place?

Bridge For Sale In Brooklyn, Cheap

In the face of the success of the elections in Iraq, the Democrats are backpedaling as if they were trying out for the Tour de France.

NewsMax House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi believes Democrats should not seek a unified position on an exit strategy in Iraq, saying that different positions are a source of strength for the party.

There is a consensus within the party that President Bush has mismanaged the war and a new course is needed, but the war is a matter of individual conscience and House Democrats should be free to take individual positions, the California Congresswoman told the Washington Post on Thursday.

"There is no one Democratic voice...and there is no one Democratic position," she said.

Yeah, right, lady. Tell that to Joe Lieberman.

Pretty Please, Mr. Terrorist

Well, I don't know just what to make of this.

FOX News WASHINGTON- President Bush and Sen. John McCain, R-Ariz., agreed to language on Wednesday on a bill to ban U.S. interrogators from using "cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment" of detainees in the War on Terror.

"We reached this agreement and now we can move forward and the whole world can know as we know that the United States does not permit cruel and inhuman treatment," McCain said on thursday after an Oval Office meeting with the president and Sen. John Warner, R-Va., chairman of the Armed Services Committee.

That's fine-except that we already have laws against torture. What this refers to is "Extralegal" means that the government might use against terror suspects. That could include anything from waterboarding to making fun of the Prophet in their presence. Of course, this will do nothing to mollify the European lefties who already hate Bush, nor will it do anything to appeal to the bad guys' sensibilities. "Oh, they will not torture us! Now we can cooperate, brothers! Allah Akbar!"

Like campaign finance reform, this is going to turn into another McCain boondoggle that will haunt us down the road. If I were Dick Cheney, I imagine I'd be having more than a few words with President Bush right now.

Santa's Naughty List Plus One

Looks like somebody's getting a lump of coal in his stocking.

FOX News Boulder, Colo., police have charged 19-year-old Jonathan Baldino with a Class 5 felony for allegedly using homemade bar codes to purchase electronic gizmos for far less than the marked price, according to the Denver Post.

The police report says the freshman electrical-engineering student at the University of Colorado put the fake bar codes togehter by taking real bar codes from cheap items and gluing them onto pricey high-tech gadgets at Target.

The alleged holiday markdown scheme worked once, and it seems the bar-code schemer might have been a bit of a sexist, police say.

"He looked for female checkers that he thought did not know enough about electronic items to catch the switch," officer Don Schuler wrote in the police report.

In his dorm, Baldino allegedly downloaded a program called "Barcode Magic" on Nov 16, making a bar code for a CD player that cost just $24.99. He then hit the stores and slapped the homemade bar code on a system for using iPods worth $249.99, according to police.

However, the cops got wise and cracked the alleged bar-code scam Wednesday when a Target security specialist remembered Baldino when he returned to the store to try the caper again, police said.

Baldino tried to check out as the security guard watched, seeing that Baldino only paid for headphones costing $4.99-but was scooping up a $149.99 iPod, police said.

After he was arrested, police say he took to begging them for a holiday pardon: "I will NEVER DO THIS EVER AGAIN and I am terribly sorry," Baldino wrote in a statement for police, according to the Post.

"Please let me go for I am terribly sorry!!! I'm only a kid! Help me out. I just want to go home. I did this not knowing of the serious penalty that lies behind it. Please! Please! Please!"

Good Lord what a crybaby. Don't drop the soap, dude!

Working Class Zeros

It looks like Gotham is getting ready to play hardball.

New York Daily News (AP)-A judge granted a preliminary injunction on Tuesday, prohibiting transit workers from striking if they fail to reach a new contract later this week.

State Supreme Court Justice Theodore Jones in Brooklyn made the ruling after State Assistant Attorney General James Henley-arguing on behalf of the Metroploitan Transportation Authority-said a strike would cause "irreparable harm" to the public.

Reagan had the right idea when the air traffic controllers went on strike. Let's hope Bloomberg has the cajones to do the same.

Standing Their Ground

The Episcopal Church in this country has become one of the most politically correct institutions in the land. Fortunately, not everyone is buying into it.

Houston Chronicle SANTA ANA, Calif.-A judge ruled that two conservative parishes that broke away from the Episcopal Diocese of Los Angeles to protest the ordination of a gay bishop are the rightful owners of their church buildings and other property.

The diocese had argued that it held the property in trust for All Saints Church in Long Beach and St. David's Church in North Hollywood.

Those parishes, along with St. James Church in Newport Beach, pulled out of the Los Angeles Diocese and the 2.3 million-member national Episcopal Church in August 2004 following the ordination of a gay bishop in New Hampshire. They said they were placing themselves under the jurisdiction of the Anglican Church in Uganda.

Too bad. It looks like gay couples will have to look elsewhere. Maybe Disney will allow them to have marriages; they allow gays to do everything else.

Hasta La Vista

Tookie, you are Terminated.

FOX News SAN FRANCISCO-Calif. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger refused to stop the execution Monday of Crips gang co-founder Stanley Tookie Williams, who was set to die by lethal injection early Tuesday.

The death penalty of Williams, 51, will go ahead as planned at 3:01 a.m. EST (12:01 PST) at San Quentin State Prison. Williams will be executed for murdering four people in two 1979 holdups.

The Governator has spoken. Now break out the popcorn!

Countdown To Destruction

The clock is ticking.

Times Online ISRAEL'S armed forces have been ordered by Ariel Sharon, the prime minister, to be ready by the end of March for possible strikes on secret uranium enrichment sites in Iran, military sources have said.

The order came after Israeli intelligence warned the government that Iran was operating enrichment facilities, believed to be small and concealed in civilian locations.

Iran's stand-off with the International Atomic Energy Agency (IAEA) over nuclear inspections and aggressive rhetoric from Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the Iranian president, who said last week that Israel whould be moved to Europe, are causing mounting concern.

It's high past time tp put the Iranian pit bull to sleep. Bendover, Mr. Mullah!

Delaying The Inevitable

Give this bastard the needle and get it over with.

ABC News LOS ANGELES-A lawyer for convicted murderer Stanley Tookie Williams asked the state Supreme Court to stay his ecectution, saying the Crips gang co-founder should have been allowed to argue that someone else killed one of his four alleged victims.

Attorney Vera Wefald filed a petition Saturday challenging the validity of the four convictions and death sentences given in 1981 to Williams, who is scheduled to die Tuesday at San Quentin State Prison. She also filed an emergency request seeking a stay, the Los Angeles Times reported.

The gang that this scumbag founded took a huge toll on Los Angeles. If Tookie were really a man he would take responsibility for what he did and accept his fate. While Arnold agonizes and idiots threaten riots in his name, Tookie is living off the taxpayers' dime. I'm guessing that if he were set free tomorrow, Tookie's supposed change of heart would go away in minutes. Do the world a favor, Tookie. Let justice be done.

Round Two

John McCain's efforts nonwithstanding, it appears that the GOP is finally growing a pair.

FOX News WASHINGTON-Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist said Sunday he is prepared to strip Democrats of their ability to filibuster if they try to stall Samuel Alito's nomination to the Supreme Court.

"The answer is yes," Frist said when asked if he would act to change Senate procedures to restrict a Democratic filibuster. "Supreme Court justice nominees deserve an up-or-down vote, and it would be absolutely wrong to deny him that."

Frist may strike some as a lightwieght, but in this case he is absolutely dead-on. The Doctor is in, and the Democrats have been put on notice.

When In Rome

Goldfish rejoice! The hour of your liberation is at hand!

Los Angeles Times ROME-In the greater animal kingdom, the plight of the little goldfish is especially harsh. The tiny creatures are scooped into plastic bags and awarded at carnivals and fairs. They are confined to bowls where they can do nothing but swim around and around. Some (it has been claimed) go blind.

No more. The municipal government of Rome has entered waters where few city halls dare tread. Under a new ordinance, the city's goldfish are entitled to a proper, full-sized aquarium, and they can no longer be given out as contest prizes.

The rules were drafted by the city of Rome's Office for Animal Rights. The 59-point statute ordering better treatment for all pets, from cats and dogs to birds and lizards, was approved by the City Council last month and will go into effect today.

Upon hearing the news, the leader of the Fish Resistance told his followers, "Tonight we have witnessed the beginning of the Planet of the Pets!" This is how it begins...

R.I.P. Mudbone

Daddy Rich is dead.

CNN LOS ANGELES (AP)-Richard Pryor, the caustic yet perceptive actor-comedian who lived dangerously close to the edge both on stage and off, has died, his ex-wife said Saturday. He was 65.

Pryor died of a heart attack at his home in the San Fernando Valley sometime late Friday or early Saturday, Flyn Pryor said. He had been ill for years with multiple sclerosis, a degenerative disease of the nervous system.

Pryor was one of the great comedians of the last forty years. Eddie Murphey, Dave Chapelle, and Chris Rock all owe a debt to him. I like to think that he passed away having been able to conquer his personal demons and is now at peace. Farewell, Jo Jo Dancer.

Hitting Them Where It Hurts

The Republicans have decided to go on the offensive by the easiest means possible: Telling the truth about liberal Democrats.

DRUDGE Report The DRUDGE REPORT has learned from a top GOP operative that the Republican National Committee will provide state parties with a web video prior to release tomorrow afternoon that shows a white flag waving over images of Democrat lieaders making anti-war remarks.

The ad is in response to the controversial comments Democratic Party Chairman Howard Dean and 2004 Democratic Presidential nominee John Kerry made earlier in the week.

A Democratic strategist who had the web ad described to her said, "This is way over the top but we have no one to blame but Dean, Kerry, and others who continue to pander to the anti-war activists within our party."

The war is one area where the GOP has not lost credibility. Mad How and Senator Lurch may not like the ad, but then the truth hurts, doesn't it, guys?

Supression Of Dissent

Meet the Culture of Diversity.

Wired News STORRS, Conn. (AP)-Conservative coloumnist Ann Coulter gave up trying to finish a speech at the University of Connecticut on Wednesday night when boos and jeers from the audience became overwhelming.

Coulter cut off the talk after 15 minutes and instead held a half-hour question-and-answer session.

"I love to engage in repartee with people who are stupider than I am," Coulter told the 2,600 people at Jorgensen Auditorium.

Coulter's appearance prompted protests from several groups, including Students Against Hate and the Puerto Rican/Latin American Cultural Center. They criticized her for spreading a message of hate and intolerance.

Nearly 100 students gathered inside the Student Union for a rally against Coulter. About a half-dozen people held protest signs outside the auditorium.

After a book signing following her appearance, Coulter called the audience's reaction "typical."

Tolerance. It's too bad liberals can't live up to their own words.

Bipolar Airlines

The Air Marhsalls did their job today.

FOX News MIAMI-An agitated passenger who claimed to have a bomb in his backpack was shot and killed by a federal air marshall Wednseday after he bolted frantically from a jetliner that was about to take off, officials said. No bomb was found.

The man, identified as Rigoberto Alpizar, a 44-year-old U.S. citizen, was gunned down on a jetway just before the American Airlines plane was about to leave for Orlando, near his home in Maitland.

No word yet from Senator Kerry if he considers the air marshall who shot him a terrorist.

Heckling The Hillary Tour

You know you've got problems when your own base turns against you.

WNBC SARATOGA SPRINGS, N.Y.-Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton was greeted Tuesday by anti-war protesters and a second Democratic challenger to her bid for re-election.

The former first lady arrived in Saratoga Springs for a local Democratic Party fundraiser, while outside more than a dozen Iraq war protesters waved signs and called on her to support an immediate withdrawal of troops.

Hillary is desperately trying to move to the center and have it both ways. The problem is, the Democrats' looney left wing base now sees her as part of the problem.

Temper, Temper

I'll bet Ramsey Clark is real glad he's got this guy for a client.

ABC News BAGHDAD, Iraq-Saddam Hussein's defense team staged a brief walkout Monday, the former president railed at the judge, and the first witness took the stand to testify that Saddam's agents carried out random arrests, torture and killings in an Iraqi village as the unruly trial resumed.

Former U.S. Attorney General Ramsey Clark, who is helping represent Saddam, spoke on behalf of the deposed president, saying he needed only two minutes to present his arguments.

But Chief Judge Rizgar Mohommed Amin at first said only Saddam's lawyer could speak. Amin said the defense should submit its motion in writing and warned that if the defense walked out then the court would appoint replacement lawyers.

After the defense lawyers left, Saddam, shaking his right hand, told the judge: "You are imposing lawyers on us. They are imposed lawyers. The court is imposed by itself. We reject that."

Saddam and his half brother Barazan Ibahim then chanted, "Long live Iraq, long live the Arab state."

Ibrahim stood up and shouted: "Why don't you just execute us and get rid of all of this!"

Be careful what you wish for, Sir...

Take A Number

We got another big fish.

FOX News PESHAWAR, Pakistan-one of Al Qaida's top five leaders, said to be responsible for planning overseas strikes, was killed by Pakistani security forces in a rocket attack near the Afghan border with U.S. help, American and Pakistani officials said Saturday.

Hamza Rabia, a key associate of Al Qaida No. 2 Ayman Al-Zawahri, died Thursday in an explosion in the North Waziristan tribal area, and his remains were identified by DNA tests, Information Minister Sheikh Rashid Ahmed said.

Being promoted in Al-Qaida-now there's a job where there's not a whole lot of competition.

Left Action Hero

What surprises me about this is that anybody should be surprised.

NewsMax Top California Republicans are wondering if Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is moving left politically following his appointment to chief of staff Susan Kennedy-a leading liberal activist and former aide to Democratic Gov. Gray Davis.

"We're not moving anywhere," Schwarzenegger says, insisting that he is continuing to go "in the same direction."

I'm starting to believe him. If he keeps this up that direction the Governator may be out of office in 2006.

Martyrs For Peace

The Religion of Peace (tm) shows what happens when you mix naivite' and reality.

Star-Telegram BAGHDAD, Iraq-Al-Jazeera television broadcast a videotape Friday in which kidnappers of four Christian peace activists threatened to kill their hostages unless all prisoners in U.S. and Iraqi detention centers are released.

The kidnappers gave the two governments until Dec. 8 to meet their demands, A-Jazeera quoted in a statement delivered with the tape as saying.

If you play in traffic, don't be surprised if you get hit. Seriously, what did these activists think was going to happen to them?

Smuggler's Blues

Singapore reminds the world why you should just say no.

CNN (CNN)-Singapore's government hanged an Australian man for drug trafficking early Friday,hours after making an exception to prison policy by letting the condemned man's mother hold her son's hand one last time.

Van Nguyen was hanged at 6 p.m. (10 p.m. Thursday GMT) as a dozen friends and supporters, dressed in black, kept an overnight vigil outside the maximum-security prison. His twin brother, Nguyen Khoa, was dressed in white.

"The sentence was carried out this morning at Changi Prison," Singapore's Home Affairs Ministry said in a statement. The statement said that Nguyen had failed in his appeals to the Court of Appeal, and to President S.R. Nathan for clemency.

The guy's first mistake: Trying to smuggle drugs to pay back his brother's loan-shark debts. His second: Doing it in a country where they have signs which say that drug smuggling is a capitol offense. If you're dumb enough to do either, then your stupidity should be its own reward.