"They Taste Like Chicken"

So this is what Freddy Krueger would be like as a teacher.

A teacher at a Long Island school for the gifted who was busted on kiddie porn charges told authorities he has "a fetish for young boys, slavery and cannibalism."

"I like kids. They're fun," Michael Reiner, 46, told Canadian border agents, according to a complaint unsealed yesterday. "I say I'm going to eat them, but I'm only joking. The kids always laugh."

This guy has a big future in Congress.

Dennis Knew, Foley Flew

It looks like Foleygate is getting bigger.

Rep. Thomas Reynolds, head of the House republican election effort, said he told Speaker Dennis Hastert after learning a fellow GOP lawmaker sent inappropriate messages to a teenage boy.

Reynolds, R-N.Y., was told months ago about e-mails sent by rep. Mark Foley and is niw defending himself from Democratic accusations that he did too little. Foley, R-Fla., resigned Friday after ABC News questioned him about the e-mails to a former congressional page and about sexually suggestive instant messages to other pages.

And this is supposed to be the party of "Family values?"

Nerd Thunderdome

It's like Wrestlemania for geeks.

The future of the world chess championship was in question Friday when a player did not show up for the fifth game and threatened to withdraw from the match after he was accused of cheating and locked out of his private bathroom.

Vladimir Kramnik, a Russian, was accused by the manager for his opponent, Veselin Topalov of Bulgaira, of taking too many bathroom breaks-an apparent suggestion that he was secretly using a technical device or a computer program to help him with his moves.

Kramnik, the Classical World Champion, had been leading Topalov, the World Chess Chanpion, 3-1 after four games in the 12-game match-the sixth attempt to reunify the chess world since then-world champion Garry Kasparov broke away from FIDE in 1993.

But Kramnik boycotted game five, angered by an Appeals Committee decision to lock the private bathrooms for both players and insist that each use a common bathroom for the trest of the match. Topalov was also unhappy with the decision; his manager said it would not prevent Kramnik from cheating since he would still be alone in the lavatory.

Makes one wonder what sort of "Device" either player would be able to use. And if it were anatomical in nature...

"Have You Ever Seen A Grown Man Naked?"

And here we have a reminder that creepiness isn't limited to Democrats.

WASHINGTON-U.S. Rep. Mark Foley, R-Fla., resigned from Congress on Friday, effective immediately, in the wake of questions about e-mails he wrote to a former page who was 16 years old at the time.

Foley, 52, and co-chairman of the House Missing and Exploited Children Caucus, apologized in a statement announcing his resignation. He also has sent a resignation letter to Florida Gov. Jeb Bush.

"Today I have delivered a letter to the Speaker of the House informing him of my decision to resign from the U.S. House of representatives, effective today," Foley wrote in a note to his constituents.

Well, here's hoping Mr. Foley will get a taste of what it's like to be in a Turkish prison.

No Maple Syrup For You

Well, Michael Moore isn't going to like this one bit.

American war deserter Darrel Anderson says Canada wasn't the safe haven he thought it would be as he announced his decision to return home to face his punishment.

(snip) While Canada provided him an escape from serving in a war he'd come to resent, he says the time has been arduous.

His refugee bids have failed so he can't work here legally and he can't get health care.

The poor baby! The best thing that could happen would be for the military to make this clown wish he had been able to stay in the Great White North.

Arnold Vs. Angie

Reason # 2,365,178 why Arnold is better than the girlyman he's running against.

During a signing ceremony in Pasadena for an education bill, Schwarzenegger said it is unconstitutional for a governor to keep National Guard troops at home, in his first public response to Angelides' anti-war proposal.

"As soon as they're activated, the National Guard, the commander in chief is the president," Schwarzenegger said, according to a transcript. "It's that simple. And so it is irresponsible for anyone to promise the people of California anything else, and to say that, 'I will get the troops back, and I will be fighting,' and all of those things. That is completely irresponsible."

Asked about the war itself, Schwarzenegger said, "I support fighting the war on terror, and I support our soldiers, our men and women, to come back as quickly as possible as soon as we find an exit strategy."

Angelides is toast. Or, to put it more bluntly, Terminated.

It's All Over Now, Baby Blue

While aging hippies are using the Iraq war to try and relive the Sixties or literally killing themselves out of frustration (see below), at least one icon of that decade wants no part of their antics.

A good deal of hoopla greeted the grizzled rock-musician Neil Young's musical assault on George W. Bush earlier this year. His album Living With War included a hundred-voice choir singing a song entitled "Let's Impeach the President." For those survivors of anti-Vietnam war protests, and their younger would-be imitators, it was a moment for a sharp intake of breath and the tantalizing hope that maybe now, after all, music really could change the world. I mean, everyone has to sit up and take notice of Neil Young, right?

Young's crusading album included another song called "Flags of Free dom," in which he gave a name-check to Bob Dylan, and adapted the melody of Dylan's own somewhat more lyrically complex song "Chimes of Freedom."

He really should have know better. In an interview several months later with Edna Gunderesen in USA Today, Dylan was asked about the absence of any song about the current war on his own latest album, Modern Times.

"Didn't Neil Young do that?" he jokes..."What's funny about the Neil record, when I heard 'Let's Impeach the President,' I thought it was something old that had been lying around. I said, 'That's crazy, he's doing a song about Clinton?"

With his sly and somewhat wicked response, Dylan had (1) desperately frustrated the considerable number of more obvious Dylan fans who have been waiting on the edge of a cliff for him to say something-anything!-against President Bush and the Iraq war and (2) told Neil Young none-too-subtly that he found his recent ultrapolitical songwriting essentially pointless.

Dylan's not the only one. It's ironic that the guy who perhaps represents the Sixties the most also seems to be the one who has the most common sense about them.

Granny Goes Ga-Ga

Darwin works in mysterious ways.

When hunger pangs hit Patricia Brooks, she turns to stitching. Her needle flashes silver as she stitches squares of purple and blue, pink and red. It way also be her message of goodbye to her two granddaughter, ages 5 and 7.

Brooks, 68, who lives in a subsidized senior-citizen apartment in Coupeville, Island County, has been on a hunger strike since Sept. 11. A longtime activist who joined Coupeville Peace and Reconcilation on the street corner at Highway 20 and Main Street, Brooks was frustrated over the lack of progress in ending the war in Iraq.

"I have been in months of despair. My peace group had done everything they could to stop the war but it was having no effect," she said.

Well, I'm sure Cindy Sheehan will be deeply saddened to see Granny go. In the meantime, I think I'll have a cheeseburger.

Open Season

Forget about Iraq. There's apparently a real insurgency right in our own back yard.

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif.-An aggressive squirrel pounced on a 4-year-old boy in an attack last week in Cuesta Park in Mountain View, Calif.

The attack happened as the boy's mother unwrapped a muffin for a picnic.

The boy had to get rabies shots after the attack. He is still getting the shots.

The attack is not the first one reported at the park.

Mountain View Community Services Director David Muela said that as many as six people have been bitten or scratched by squirrels since May, and that the attacks have become more ferocious in the last month.

The squirrels have evolved. They have a plan...

New Kid In Town

If this guy wants the job, he can have it.

South Korea's foreign minister kept his spot as the clear favorite in the race to succeed U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Anan in an informal poll Thursday, the only one among seven candidates to get the needed majority of votes.

Ban Ki-Moon received 13 votes in favor, one against and one of no opinion, China's U.N. Ambassador Wang Guanya said. He slipped slightly from the previous poll, held Sept. 14, when he received 14 votes in favor and one against.

If he gets the job, I hope Kofi gives him everything he needs to get started: tips on how not to pay your parking tickets, whom to get bribes from, etc...

Space Cowboys

Technology and capitalism go good together.

NEW YORK-Future passengers aboard Virgin Galactic spaceliners can look forward to cushioned reclining seats and lots of windows during suborbital flights aboard SpaceShipTwo, a concept interior of which was unveiled by British entrepreneur Sir Richard Branson Thursday.

"It won't be much different than this," Branson told reporters here at Wired Magazine's NextFest forum. "It's strange to think that in 12 months we'll be unveiling the actual plane, and then test flights will commence right after that."

If NASA did this, it would cost hundreds of millions of dollars, take ten years and then still be way overbudget. But at least they'd have a cool zero-gravity toilet.

Gangster Socialism

Who says crime doesn't pay?

ATHENS, Greece (Reuters)-Prostitutes and smugglers will give the greek economy an unexpected boost as their illicit activities will now be counted in the country's official economic output, a senior official said on Wednesday.

Under pressure from the European Union to cut its deficits, Greece is revising its gross domestic product to include part of the booming black economy, boosting its output by at least 10 percent in 2006, the country's chief statistician told Reuters.

"The revized GDP will include some money from illegal activities, such as money from cigarette and drinks smuggling, prostitution and money laundering," National Statistics Service chief Manolis Konotopyrakis said in an interview.

Somewhere, Al Capone must be looking at this and kicking himself for having been born too early.

The Last Conquistador

Sadly, this worthy gentleman is no longer in power.

Madrid: Jose Maria Anzar, former Spanish prime minister, defended Pope Benedict XVI's comments about Islam, saying on Friday the pontiff had no need to apologise and asking why Muslims never did, the Spanish media said yesterday.

"Why do we always have to say sorry and they never do?" Anzar told a conference in Washington on "global threats" on Friday.

The spirit of El Cid is not dead in Spain after all. It's just too bad the Spanish voters decided they no longer needed it.

The Case Of The Crooked Canuck

No, it isn't that Murtha. This guy is a different, though eerily similar, scumbag.

Halifax-a high-profile lawyer who sued the U.S. government for the mother of a Canadian soldier killed by American friendly fire has admitted he embezzled money from his clients, CBC Radio reports.

A disciplinary board with the Nova Scotia Barristers Society heard that Dick Murtha billed for work he didn't do, hid insurance settlements from recipients and took out high-interest loans for clients without their knowledge, according to CBC.

That has added up to $200,000 now missing from his clients' accounts.

This cretin should go work for the U.N. He'd fit right in.

All Your Audience Are Belong To Us

It's good to be the King.

ATLANTA-"Fair and balanced"-and not content to mark their big day at Chuck E. Cheese's.

Fox News Channel is throwing itself a 10th birthday party in Atlanta this week, right in cable news rival CNN's front yard.

Fox, which actually turns 10 next week, plans to broadcast three shows Thursday at the Metro Atlanta Chamber of Commerce building on the edge of Centennial Olympic Park. The public can watch Fox stars Shepard Smith and Greta Van Susteren broadcast live at 3 p.m., 7 p.m. and 10 p.m. EDT as part of Fox's 10-city "Thank You America" tour.

Presumably, so can the folks working just across the park at the CNN Center on Marietta Street.

"We'll have this lovely view of the CNN building, and I'm sure they'll have a lovely view of us," said Thom Bird, Fox's executive producer of news specials.

Take that, Ted.

"Havana, Here I Come"

Meet the dumbest kid on the planet.

A 14-year-old West Miami-Dade boy ran away from home last week, boarded a plane and took a startling international flight alone-to Havana, his father said Tuesday.

Alfredo Diaz, a 10th-grader at G. Holmes Braddock Senior High, cleared an American Airlines security check and boarded a Miami-to-Nassaue flight on Thursday, even though the carrier requires escorts for anyone under 15.

"I can't believe my son was able to go through all that security and no one stopped him or asked him about being so young and traveling alone," said the father, who is also named Alfredo Diaz. "My son is just under five feet tall and he's a young-looking fourteen."

It's probably because they were too busy looking at the shoes of 75-year-old grandmothers from Ohio.

Jihad Me Amadaeus

You think the Islamists would get upset now, wait until they discover the waltz.

BERLIN (Reuters)-German politicians condemned on Tuesday a decision by a Berlin opera house to cancel performances of Mozart's "Idomeneo" over concerns they could enrage Muslims and pose a security risk.

The Deutsche Oper in west Berlin announced on Monday it was replacing four performances of "Idomeneo" scheduled for November with "The Marriage of Figaro" and "LaTraviata."

The decision was taken after Berlin security officials warned that putting on the opera as planned would present an "incalculable security risk" for the establishment.

The "Risk" is still much smaller than the incalculable stupidity of political correctness.

"I am woman, hear me Roar, In Numbers Too PC Too Ignore..."

Mary Richards would have loved the Netherlands.

LONDON-If you're a woman, rising in the corporate ranks is never easy. Unless you live in Norway.

Within the next year, the 510 Norwegian companies listed on the Oslo Stock Exchange must have 40% of their respective board seats occupied by women. Any company failing to comply will be booted off the OSE. For now, the law passed in 2002 only applies to publicly traded companies. But the government is considering extending the law's reach to cover family-owned companies as well.

Feminazis take note. The Europeans are way ahead in taking our bad ideas to the next level.

Pay For Rain

When it comes to Bubba, you definitely don't get what you pay for.

A Hollywood producer who sought to hire President Clinton as a "rainmaker" has told a California court the former president and his wife, Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, cheated him out of a multimillion-dollar Internet venture and he wants his money back.

In a complaint to be heard today in Superior Court in Los Angeles, Peter F. Paul says the scheme was orchestrated by Mrs. Clinton, who convinced him to spend $1.9 million on campaign fundraisers prior to her November 2000 election to the Senate and then reneged on promises to help him on the Internet deal.

He should've gone to Al Gore. The inventor of the Internet would at least have let him keep a piece of the action...

Water On The Brain

No War For Evian?

Churches in Canada are urging congregants to boycott an unlikely target of religious zeal-bottled water.

"Water is seen increasingly as a saleable commodity, to make a profit, as opposed to our perspective of it being an element of life and good for all creation," said David Hallman, an official with the First United Church in Kelowna, British Columbia, which is one of the churches barring bottled water from its building.

The St. John Evangelical Lutheran Church in Ottowa used to sell bottled water at its fundraising events, but will no longer do so, congregant Heidi Geraets told The Globe and Mail in toronto. Water, she said, is "a sacred goft" from God, and people should not debase it by turning it into a commercial form.

Don't hurt the water's feelings. Gotcha. But what about turning it into wine and then selling it? Would that be OK?

Steal Me Elmo

Now this is just pathetic.

(AP) TAMPA Even Elmo isn't laughing about this one. A man called 9-1-1 after he says another man threatened his life over an Elmo doll.

Tampa police received the call around 8 a.m. Friday, just as customers were flocking to Target to scoop up the popular T-M-X Elmo, who slaps its knee, falls over and rolls around laughing when it's tickled.

According to 9-1-1- tapes, Andrew Bell said a man dressed in all black threatened him because he took one of the last dolls. Bell said a few dolls were still on the shelves and several people were running into the store to grab them.

Well , look on the bright side, Mr. would-be Elmo thief. Now you can be somebody's Elmo yourself and get rolled over and tickled for the next five to ten.

Bubba's Rage

The Bent One is mad as hell, and he's not gonna take the truth anymore!

NEW YORK-In a combative interview on "Fox News Sunday," former President Clinton defended his handling of the threat posed by Osama bin Laden, saying he tried to have bin Laden killed and was attacked for his efforts by the same people who now criticize him for not doing enough.

"That's the difference in me and some, including all of the right-wingers who are attacking me now," Clinton said in the interview. "They ridiculed me for trying. They had eight months to try, they did not try."

Poor Bubba. Maybe you should have been paying more attention to bin Laden and less on the chubby intern, hey?

Weekend At Binny's

'E's just restin'.

PARIS-American and French officials cast serious doubts Saturday on a French newspaper's report that Usama bin Laden was believed to have died in Pakistan last month.

The French newspaper l'Est Republicain printed what it described as a confidential document from the French foreign intelligence service DGSE citing an uncooroborated report from Saudi secret services that bin Laden died of typhooid last month.

A U.S. official told FOX News that he had seen no evidence to suggest the Al Qaeda leader was dead. "Don't believe it," he said. "I would not give credence to that report."

Maybe he's right. After all, if it were true, the French would be heading there themselves to surrender to the corpse.

"Just Shoot Me Now!"

Yeah, right. As if we care enough to want to.

VENEZUELAN President Hugo Chavez accused his American counterpart George W. Bush overnight of ordering his assassination for calling the US leader the devil during his speech at the United Nations this week.

"The devil appears very sulphurous, and a few people say that he has given the order to kill me," Chavez said during a speech before scientists in western Venezuela.

"Many concerned friends have called me, (saying) that because I said 'devil' over there (at the UN), they have sentenced me to die. They will not kill me, I have much faith in life," Mr. Chavez added.

Considering how paranoid this goofball is, I wouldn't be surprised if he came out next and said that Bush had killed him, but he was miraculously brought back to life.

Surprise, Surprise

Rove, you magnificent bastard!

WASHINGTON-In the past week, Karl Rove has been promising Republican insiders an "October surprise" to help win the November congressional elections.

President Bush's political strategist is also saying that the final two weeks before the elections will see a blitz of advertising, and the Republican National Committee is deploying an army of volunteers to key locations to help the grass-roots effort and monitor the elections.

The RNC is offering to fly in volunteers and cover their expenses.

It would be worth it just to see the Democrats' heads explode trying to figure out what the surprise is. If there's one thing Republicans are good at, it's making their enemies squirm and cry like little babies.

Dead Man Hating

Let me guess: the Jooz did it.

CHICAGO-Minister Louis Farrakhan said in a letter to followers this month that he is seriously ill, and he asked the Nation of Islam's leaders to carry on in his absence to make sure the movement "will live long after I and we have gone."

Farrakhan, 73, said he began suffering pain earlier this year similar to 1998, when he was diagnosed with protrate cancer and underwent surgery. He said doctors discovered an ulcer in his anal area during a visit to Cuba in March.

Since then, he has lost 35 pounds while battling "serious infection and inflammation," Farrakhan said in a letteer dated Sept. 11 and published in the Nation of Islam's The Final Call newspaper.

Now that's just too darned bad. Sorry, Mr. Phonykhan, what's wrong with you can't be cured by doctors.

Them's Fightin' Words, Hugo

Attention all pigs: get ready for takeoff!

WASHINGTON (CNN)-Two of President Bush's staunchest domestic critics leapt to his defense Thursday, a day after one of his fiercest foreign foes called him "the devil" in a scorching speech before the United Nations.

"You don't come into my country; you don't come into my congressional district and you don't comdemn my president," Rep. Charles Rangel, D-New York, scolded Veneauelan President Hugo Chavez.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-California, was blunt in her criticism of the Venezuelan leader. "He is an everyday thug," she said.

Somebody please check the temperature in Hell. Are they sincere, or are they just upset that Chavez stole all of their talking points?

The Color Of Authority

It seems the UK is taking a cue from Jesse Jackson's playbook.

A police force has admitted to breaking the law with a secret policy of 'deselecting' more than 100 potential recruits for no other reason than being white men.

Humiliated Glouceshtershire Police said it had been trying to 'advance diversity' when it rejected the 108 men in favour of women and ethnic minority candidates.

But Chief Constable Dr Timothy Brain's force confessed it had acted unlawfully by dashing the men's dreams because of their sex and skin colour.

Well, somebody has to copy our bad ideas.

Smog And Mirrors

Welcome to California. Just don't drive.

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters)-California sued six of the world's largest automakers over global warming on Wednesday, charging that greenhouse gases from their vehicles have caused billions of dollars in damage.

The lawsuit is the first of its kind to seek to hold manufacturers liable for the damages caused by their vehicles' emissions, state Attorney General Bill Lockyer said.

It comes less than a month after California lawmakers adopted the nation's first global warming law mandating a cut in greenhouse gas emissions.

Well darn. Does this mean the Governator has to give up his humvee? How about the voters having the right to sue the state's lawmakers for stupidity?

The Devil And Hugo Chavez

Baby Hugo says Bush is Satan!

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez took his berbal battle with the United States to the floor of the U.N. General Assembly on Wednesday, calling President Bush "the devil."

The impassioned speech by the leftist leader came a day after Bush and Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad sparred over Tehran's disputed nuclear program but managed to avoid a personal encounter.

"The devil came here yesterday," Chavez said, referring to Bush's address on Tuesday and making the sign of the cross. "He came here talking as if he were the owner of the whole world."

You're looking at the wrong guy, Hugo. Your buddy Abby Dinnerjacket is the one who's possessed.

A Not So Beautiful Mind

Spicolli thinks he's the smartest guy in the world. Now he wants to literally act like it.

ROME, Sept. 19 (UPI)-Oscar-winning actor Sean Penn may wind up portraying legendary physicist Albert Einstein for a joint U.S.-Italian TV film production.

Penn, 46, is reportedly interested in working with writer/director Liliana Cavini, the Italian news agency ANSA reported Tuesday.

The project is a joint effort between the U.S. premium cable network HBO and Italy's RAI state broadcaster, ANSA said.

Let me guess: as Albert, Spicolli will say that the idea for the atomic bomb is Bush's fault.

Mending Unbuilt Fences

Oh, now they get it.

The Senate, which has been the major obstacle to strict border-security legislation this year, will take up a bill this week that calls for constructing 700 more miles of fencing along the U.S.-Mexico border.

"It's time to secure the border with Mexico," Majority Leader Bill Frist said last night before filing the parliamentary motions to force the House-passed bill onto the Senate floor in a final effort to get a major immigration bill on the president's desk before the elections.

Jim Manley, a spokesman for Minority Leader Harry Reid, said the move "smacks of desperation" and was a "clear repudiation of President Bush's call for comprehensive legislation."

As loathe as I am to agree with the Demwits on anything, Dusty Harry may be right. You can't protect the borders with smoke-and-mirror politics, guys.

Gorby Gripes Again

Poor Gorby. The guy who was the darling of Western liberals now says he would've done things old-school style.

Former Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev said today he supported tough measures taken by Russian President Vladimir Putin and wished he had adopted them.

Mr. Gorbachev, whose political reforms led to the collapse of the communist empire, said he should have squashed the challenge from Boris Yeltsin, his arch-rival and subsequently first Russian president, by sending him into diplomatic exile.

And he said sepratist outbreaks that plagued his last years in power should have been crushed by taking their leaders to court.

"I have reviewed my values and made conclusions," Interfax news agency quoted the father of perstroika as saying during presentation of a new book, In the Politburo of the Soviet Communist Party.

Yadda, yadda, yadda. It's all vodka under the bridge, Gorby, and you're still as irrelevant as ever.

Who's Dooming Who?

To quote Dr. Smith, we're doomed! Doomed! At least according to these idiots.

CAIRO-An al Qaeda-linked extremist group warned Pope Benedict XVI today that he and the West were "doomed," as protesters raged across the Muslim world to demand more of an apology from the pontiff for his remarks about Islam and violence.

The Mujahedeen Shara Council, an umbrella organization of Sunni Arab extremist groups that includes al Qaeda in Iraq, issued a statement on a Web forum vowing to continue its holy war against the West. The authenticity of the statement could not be verified independently.

The group said Muslims would be victorious and addressed the pope as "the worshipper of the cross," saying, "You and the West are doomed as you can see from the defeat in Iraq, Afghanistan, Chechnya and elsewhere...We will break up the cross, spill the liqour and impose [the] head tax; then the only thing acceptable is a conversion [to Islam] or [being killed by] the sword."

Now remember, the Pope is the one who's violent and evil here...

The Air That I Breathe

The Gorebot wants you to pay for the privelage of breathing.

Former Vice President Al Gore Monday suggested taxing carbon dioxide emissions instead of employees' pay in a bid to stem global warming.

"Penalizing pollution instead of penalizing employment will work to reduce that problem," Gore said in a speech at the New York University School of Law.

The pollution tax would replace all payroll taxes, including those for Social Security and unemployment compensation, Gore said. He said the overall level of taxation would remain the same.

Well, according to Al's own plan, he'd owe millions in back taxes for the hot air and toxic dialouge he's spewed forth over the years...

The Flip Side Of The Coin

On the other hand, lest anyone think I would necessarily vote third party, idiots like this guy are what still prevent me from doing so.

WASHINGTON-Republican firebrand Patrick Buchanan said yesterday that President Bush should be impeached for failing to stem the "invasion" of illegal immigrants across America's Southern border.

"I think he's committed an impeachable offense in refusing to enforce the immigration laws and in failing to uphold the Constitution by defending the states against this invasion," Buchanan told radio talk show host Curt Smith in an interview broadcast yeseterday on National Public Radio stations in Buffalo and Rochester.

"When you have 6 million people apprehended on the border and several million got on your watch-and you have the ability to stop it-I think you're derelict in your duty," he said. "And if the President says 'I can't do it,' you need a new President who will do it."

Well, Patty, fortunately for the country it will never be you.

Losing The Message

Why do I not consider myself a Bush Republican these days? Because I pretty much agree with this.

Bucklye became famous in America in the 1950s and 1960s for being a conservative intellectual when such a thing was regarded as axiomatically oxymoronic. He founded the National Review, the indespensable magazine for the burgeoning American conservative movement.

He was one of the inspirations for Barry Goldwater's emergence as a conservative Republican nominee in 1964, and instrumental in Ronald Reagan's long, steady intellectual march to power. I wasn't having dinner with just anyone tonight-but with a man for whom the phrase eminence grise seemed to have been invented.

I recall this because if Buckley has decided that George W. Bush is not a conservative, it cannot be easily dismissed. Some of us were so appalled by Bush's prolifigate spending, abuse of power and recklesness in warfare that we reluctantly backed John Kerry in 2004 as the more authentically conservative candidate. Many Republicans scoffed. Now fewer do.

"I think Mr. Bush faces a singular problem, best defined, I think, as the absence of effective conservative ideology," Buckley recently explained. "[The president] ended up being very extravagant in domestic spending, extremely tolerant of excesses by Congress. And in respect of foreign policy, incapable of bringing together such forces as apparently were necessary to conclude the Iraq challenge...There will be no legacy for Mr. Bush. I don't believe his successor would re-enunciate the words he used in his second inaugural address because they were too ambitious. So therefore I think his legacy is indecipherable."

Sadly, what's also indecipherable is why people who call themselves conservative continue to support the President's party and his agenda.

Salvation Homer Simpson Style

While Muslims are threatening jihad against the Pope, let's see how many Christians will be declaring holy war over this.

Critics say that reaching out to young people through the medium of alchohol is in bad taste

IN AN attempt to put the "spirit" back into Christmas, the latest publicity campaign from Britain's churches is in danger of falling as flat as an old pint of bitter.

An advertisement featuring the face of Jesus as a "miraculous" apparition on an empty beer glass is to be the centrepiece of a campaign to encourage church-going this Christmas.

The image of Jesus in the froth left on the sides of an almost empty pint glass next to the words "Where will you find him?" is the latest in a series of controversial campaigns from the Churches Advertising Network, an ecumenical group that includes representatives of most of the mainstream churches.

Well, I'm all ready to go burn down a few pubs because my God was offended! Come on! Who's with me...hey, where is everybody?

"Be vewy vewy quiet-we're hunting infidels"

The Religion of Pieces continues to show its peaceful ways in regards to how one should react to the Pope's comments.

A HARDLINE cleric linked to Somalia's powerful islamist movement has called for Muslins to "hunt down" and kill Pope Benedict XVI for his controversial comments about Islam.

Sheikh Abubuka Hassan Malin urged Muslims to find the pontiff and punish him for insulting the Prophet Mohammed and Allah in a speech that he said was as offensive as author Salman Rushdie's nove l The Satanic Verses.

"We urge you Muslims wherever you are to hunt down the Pope for his barbaric statements as you have pursued Salman Rushdie, the enemy of Allah who offended our religion," he said in friday evening prayers.

Some folks are just bound and determined to prove the Pope's point, aren't they?

False Outrage

If these guys are so upset, they should look in a mirror.

ANKARA, Turkey-Muslims around the world expressed outrage Friday over Pope Benedict XVI's comments on Islam, with Turkey's ruling party accusing him of trying to revive the spirit of the Crusades and scores taking to the streets in protest.

Pakistan's parliament unanimously condemned the pope, and the Foreign Ministry summoned the Vatican's ambassador to express regret over the remarks.

So, when are Muslim governments going to apologize for the way Christians and Jews are treated in their countries?

You'll Be Sick To The Finish

Well blow me down.

Even if you wash the spinach, you could still be at risk. Sober warnings for salad lovers came from federal health officials Friday as they struggled to pinpoint a multistate E. coli outbreak that killed one person and sickened nearly 100 more.

Bagged spinach-the triple-washed, cello-packed kind sold by the hundreds of millions of pounds each year-is the suspected source of the bacterial outbreak, Food and Drug Administration officials said.

The FDA warned people nationwide not to eat the spinach. Washing won't get rid of the tenacious bug, though thorough cooking can kill it. Supermarkets across the country pulled spinach from shelves, and consumers tossed out the leafy green.

On the other hand, Bluto is reportedly very happy.

Tortured Logic

Ouch. This'll leave a mark.

Former Secretary of State Colin Powell endorsed efforts to block President Bush's plan to authorize harsh interrogations of terror suspects, even as the president lobbied personally for it today on Capitol Hill.

"I will resist any bill that does not enable this plan to go forward," Mr. Bush told reporters at the White House after his closed-door meeting with House Republicans.

The latest sign of Republican division over White House security policy came today in a letter Mr. Powell sent to Sen. John McCain, Arizona Republican, one of three senators who disagree with the White House on the issue. Mr. Powell said Congress must not pass the president's proposal to redefine U.S. compliance with the Geneva Conventions.

Mr. Bush's plan would narrow the U.S. legal interpretation of the Geneva Conventions in a bid to allow tougher interrogations and shield U.S. personnel from being prosecuted for war crimes.

In other words, Bush is continuing on his course to rewrite the law to suit himself. Sorry, Mr. President. I normally support you, but that just ain't gonna fly. Torture does not work, and niether does tinkering with the law to say it's OK during wartime.

The Hanger-On Judge

And you thought our judges were bad.

BAGHDAD, Iraq-The chief judge in Saddam Hussein's genocide trial said Thursday that he does not believe Saddam was a dictator. Judge Abdullah al-Amiri made the remark in a friendly exchange with the deposed leader, a day after the prosecution said the judge should step down because he is biased toward the defense.

Saddam and his co-defendants are being tried on charges of committing atrocities against Kurds in northern Iraq nearly two decades ago.

Questioning a Kurdish witness Thursday, Saddam said, "I wonder why this man wanted to meet with me, if I am a dictator?"

The judge interrupted: "You were not a dictator. People around you made you (look like) a dictator."

That's kind of like saying "Al Capone, you weren't a gangster. Frank Nitti made you look like one." Sheesh!

The Static Of Schedenfreude

Oh, this is too good.

Cash-starved Air America Radio is broke and up for sale, the Radio Equalizer has learned exclusively.

In addition, a liberal website is reporting that the so-called "progressive" radio network will announce a bankruptcy filing on Friday. As of this moment, the story has yet to be verified.

What our own sources are telling the Radio Equalizer is that two potential buyers have recently been looking to scoop up Air America's assets. But internal board squabbling has created a disunited front, with some members looking to hand the network back to eccentric co-founder (and Huffington Post contributor) Sheldon Drobny, while the rest shop for buyers.

"I'm Stuart Smalley. I'm broke enough, I'm arrogant enough, and only looney billionaires like me."

Spicolli Gets Busted, Hoser Style

Every Hollyweird liberal from Michael Moore on down likes to call Canada their favorite Socialist Utopia. Everyone Spicolli, that is.

Pressure is building on Ontario's anti-smoking police to give Hollywood star Sean Penn a ticket after he was pictured lighting up at a news conference.

"He should be charged," Health Promotion Minister Jim Watson said today at his own news conference to herald the first 100 days of the province's tough new anti-smoking law.

Almost 500 tickets have been issued to smokers and establishments but, so far, not to Penn or the hotel where he appeared during a news conference to promote his new movie, All The King's Men, at the Toronto International Film Festival.

"Ve are der smoking police! You vill put down der cigarette or ve will haff you shot!"

Calling All Muslims, Come On Down!

His Holiness calls on Islam to put up or shut up.

Pope Benedict XVI said Tuesday that Islamic holy war was against God's nature and invited Muslims to join in a peaceful cultural dialouge.

In a speech at Regensburg University, Benedict made an unusual reference to jihad, or holy war-a concept used by today's Islamic extremists to justify suicide bombings and other attacks.

(Snip) citing historic Christian commentary on holy war and conversion, the 79-year-old pontiff quoted from a 14th-century Byzantine emperor, Manuel II Paleologos.

"The emperor comes to speak about the issue of jihad, holy war," the pope said. "He said, I quote, 'Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.'"

Let's see how many representatives of the Religion of Pieces actually take the pontiff up on his offer.

Untouchable Common Sense

Kevin Costner isn't down with the Bush-bashing crowd.

Kevin Costner has waded into the debate about the controversial new movie Death of A President, insisting British director Gabriel Range failed to consider how George W. Bush's family would react to scenes of the US President being assassinated.

The Dances With Wolves star was caught up in the controversy at the Toronto Film Festival in Canada at the weekend, where he premiered his new film, The Guardian, alongside the screening of Death of A President.

(Snip) He says: "It's awfully hard if you're his children, his wife, his mother, his dad. There's a certain thing we can't lose as human beings, which is empathy for maybe the hardest job in the world.

"Whether we think it's being performed right or not we can't, like, wish... or think that's even cute."

Unfortunately, Mr. Costner, that's exactly what a lot of your Hollyweird contemporaries want.

Say Hello To My Little Friend

I love a happy ending.

When Arthur Winters saw two armed robbers terrorizing his neighborhood, he did the only thing he could think of: He asked his wife to bring him his AK-47.

"I had to get it to protect my family and the neighbors and all that," Winters said.

It was part of a series of events, including a fistfight, rock-throwing and haphazard gunshots, that hammered the plans of two robbery suspects Saturday afternoon, leaving one shot and the other stuck in the mud.

Both men faced aggravated robbery charges.

I would have added aggravated stupidity, but that would have been too easy.

"Get In There And Fight! Fight!!"

Oh, my. Potsie Weber says it's time to get tough.

LAS VEGAS (AP)-Possible presidential candidate and former North Carolina Sen. John Edwards told some 3,400 union delegates and others Monday that the Democratic Party needs to show "a little backbone" by taking up the cause of universal health care again.

"One of the ways we can show some backbone and courage is we can speak out and we can say were not for access to health care...and all those weasel words that politicians like to use," he said.

"We're for universal health care for every single man, woman and child in America and we are going to fight for it every single day when we're running this country, when we're running the Congress, when we're running the White House."

If that day ever comes again, Breck Girl, I plan on being very far away.

Never Forget

Never Forget.

Bubba Doth Protest Too Much

Let's see Bubba explain this.

Bill Clinton denies it now, but he once admitted he passed up an opportunity to extradite Osama bin Laden.

And NewsMax has the former President making the claim on audiotape.

Clinton's comments and his actions relating to American efforts to capture bin Laden have taken on renewed interest because of claims made in a new ABC movie, the "Path to 9/11," that suggests Clinton dropped the ball during his presidency. Clinton has also angrily denied claims the Monica Lewinsky scandal drew his attention away from dealing with national security matters like capturing bin Laden.

Bubba can deny it all he wants, but chubby interns and national security don't mix.

Kyoto Cooked

Guess what? It seems that Kyoto won't do jack in preventing global warming after all!

Is it all over for Kyoto? Should we accept that global warming is inevitable and plan accordingly?

Yes, says Frances Cairncross, president of the British Association for the Advancement of Science (BA) which held its annual festival in Norwich, UK, this week.

On Monday Cairncross described the Kyoto protocol as "ineffectual" and called for the world to accept that "a hotter, drier world" is coming-even if everyone fulfills their obligations under Kyoto and pegs levels of carbon dioxide back below the 1990 baseline. "Adaptation policies have had far less attention than mitigation," she told the BA.

So, Kyoto is really a political (read: blame America) rather than a real solution? I am shocked.

Frankenweed

Shades of Creepshow!

PORTLAND, Ore.-Grass that was genetically engineered for golf courses is growing in the wild, posing one of the first threats of agricultural biotechnology escaping from the farm in the United States, a recent study says.

Creeping bentgrass was engineered to resist the popular herbicide Roundup to allow more efficient weed control on golf courses. But the modified grass could spread that resistance to the wild, becoming a nuisance itself, scientists say.

Now we have to worry about The Grass That Ate My Lawn. Where's Steve McQueen to save us when you need him?

Fathead's Fan Base

Fat Bastard knows who his fans are, and doesn't disappoint the dweebs.

Maverick U.S. filmmaker Michael Moore steered the Toronto International Film Festival firmly toward politics with a scathing denunciation of the Iraq war and a preview of his next film, "Sicko," which slams a patchwork U.S. health care system.

Moore, who won an Oscar for his 2002 anti-gun film "Bowling for Columbine," and set a box office record for another documentary, "Farneheit 9/11," about America after the 2001 attacks, highlighted his views on Iraq to loud applause from a clearly sympathetic audience.

"Here we are 3 1/2 years (into the war) and we are not able to secure the road from the airport to downtown Baghdad. It's absolutely f***ing ridiculous," he said, describing the war as a distraction to keep America scared.

No, Mickey, the distraction is a fat slob who makes cheeseburger money by being the poster boy for a bunch of ignorant, over-educated college kids, aging antiwar protesters and Hollyweird elites.

Airhead America

You'd think they would have learned from Al Frankenweenie.

Jane Fonda, Gloria Steinem, and Rosie O'Donnell are backing a new left-wing radio network that plans to appeal to women listeners and counter the dominance of conservative talk radio and its "male point of view."

The new talk-radio network is called GreenStone and will be officially launched on Sept. 12, 2006. Its Web site describes it as "a clear alternative to the polarizing, highly political talk commonly heard on AM radio."

Steinem, in a recent interview with The New York Times, has also made clear that her network is at war with Rush Limbaugh for audience share.

Well, good luck, ladies. Let us know how it feels to get your asses kicked like Frankenweenie did.

Let Them Eat Ratings

The Demwits are giving ABC more free publicity than they could have ever asked for, and I for one would like to thank them for it.

WASHINGTON (Reuters)-Amid an election-year debate over who can best defend America, U.S. congressional Democrats urged ABC on Thursday to cancel a TV miniseries about the September 11 attacks that is critical of former Democratic President Bill Clinton and his top aides.

Senate Democratic leader Harry Reid of Nevada denounced the five-hour television movie, set to air in two parts on Sunday and Monday nights, as "a work of fiction."

Reid and other leading Senate Democrats wrote to Robert Iger, president and CEO of ABC's corporate parent, the Walt Disney Co., urging him to "cancel this factually inaccurate and deeply misguided program."

Now, can you imagine the outrage there would be in the media if Bush asked for a miniseries critical of him to be canceled? Talk about crushing of dissent here.

Le Surrender Monkey Solution

Leave it to the French to be so French.

Paris, France (AHN)-Rejecting talk of a "war on terror," France issued an inplicit criticism of U.S. foreign policy on Thursday.

Speaking in Parliament, Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin expressed these views on global terrorism, while noting President Jacques Chirac's strong opposition to the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq in 2003 and how the Arab state had now sunk into violence and was feeding new regional chaos.

Villepin said in a debate on the Middle East, "Let us not forget that these crisis play into the hands of extremists...Against terrorism, what's needed is not a war. It is, as France has done for many years, a determined fight based on vigilance at all times and effective cooperation with our partners."

Well, I know the Germans can attest to how effective your cooperation was...

Gone But Not Forgotten

A good man is leaving the world stage.

Mr. Blair said the Labour conference in two weeks' time would be his last as Labour leader-but he did not name a precise date for his departure.

He also apologised for Labour's conduct in recent days, admitting it "has not been our finest hour, to be frank".

Allies have suggested Mr Blair will announce a timetable early in the New Year and hand over power in May.

You have been a good friend and staunch ally, Mr. Blair. I wish you well.

Rich Man, Poor Daughter

And you thought characters like Mom existed only on Futurama!

September 7, 2006-AN infuriated Warren Buffett has renounced one of his granddaughters-telling her she is no longer his relative "legally or emotionally" because she took part in a documentary about the lives of the very rich.

Nicole Buffett, the adopted daughter of Buffett's son Peter and biological daughter of Peter's ex-wife Mary, was featured in Jamie Johnson and Nick Kurzon's documentary, "The One Percent," which debuted at the Tribeca Film Frestival this year and is a follow-up to Johnson's "Born Rich."

Enraged that Nicole not only participated in the documentary, but also plugged it on National Public Radio and "Oprah," Buffett wrote Nicole an "angry letter" two weeks ago telling her she was no longer part of his life, a source tells Page Six.

The rich are different from the rest of us-they can afford much more assholery.

Abby Comes Calling

I wonder if there's any way to arrange for this guy to "Accidentally" wind up in a bad neighborhood while he's in town?

UNITED NATIONS-U.N. officials tell NewsMax.com that "they expect" Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to travel to New York City to attend the 2006 General Assembly.

Iran's U.N. mission confirms that they too have been told "to expect" the president to come to New York City and attend the U.N. General Assenbly.

The controversial Iranian leader attended the 2005 GA and held several "colorful" news conferences during that visit.

Abby and the Useless Nations deserve each other. New York alrady has enough cockroaches without letting this guy come.

Here They Come...

I expected these idiots to start crawling out of the woodwork as the 5th anniversary of 9-11 approaches, but it's still disgusting to see.

The 9/11 terrorist attack on America which left almost 3,000 people dead was an "inside job" according to a group of leading academics.

Around 75 top professors and leading scientists believe the attacks were puppeteered by war mongers in the White House to justify the invasion and occupation of oil-rich countries.

The claims have caused outrage and anger in the US which marks the fifth anniversary of the terrorist attacks on Monday.

For people with so much education, they can be real idiots.

The Sockpuppet Strategy

Blogging is not for wusses.

A senior editor at the New Republic was suspended and his blog was shut down on Friday after revelations that he was involved in anonymously attacking readers who criticized his posts.

Lee Siegel, creator of the Lee Siegel on Culture blog for tnr.com, was suspended indefinitely from the magazine after a reader accused him of using a "sock puppet," or Internet alias, to attack his critics in the comments section of his blog. An editor's apology replaced the blog on the Web site, announcing that the blog would no longer be published and noting the the New Republic deeply regretted "misleading" its readers.

Franklin Foer, the editor of the New Republic, said in an interview that he first became aware of the accusations against Siegel on Thursday afternoon, after a colleague noticed a comment in the Talkback section of Siegel's blog that accused him of using the alias "spezzatura" to defend his articles and assail his critics.

Sockpuppetry is among one of the lowest forms of online cowardice. If you can't take criticism like a man, then you have no business blogging.

Close Call

Whatever you might think of McCain, I'm glad he's OK.

A missile was fired at a helicopter excorting Sen. John McCain during a visit to the Republic of Georgia last week.

A statement from that nation's interior ministry says the surface-to-air missile was aimed at a chopper involved in a visit of a U.S. Senate delegation to the former Soviet republic. McCain was mentioned as the leader of the group.

The ministry statement claims American officals were notified of the incident. State Dept. spokeswoman Joanne Moore told the Associated Press she had no information about the reported attack.

Memo to the GOP "Base": There are people in the world who hate McCain more than you do. Do you want them to win?

Romney's Revenge

And speaking of governors who get it:

BOSTON-Gov. Mitt Romney on Tuesday ordered all state agencies to refuse any assistance-it it is requested-when the former president of Iran visits Massachusetts this weekend.

The Republican chief executive, a potential candidate for his party's 2008 presidential nomination, said Mohammed Khatami oversaw torture and the murder of dissidents, as well as Iran's secret nuclear program, while in office from 1997 to 2005.

"State taxpayers should not be providing specual treatment to an individual who supports violent jihad and the destruction of Israel," Romney said in a statement.

Surprising how even the "RINOS" get it, when their Democratic counterparts clearly do not.

The Terminator's Cure

The Governator shows once again why he is preferable to the alternative.

SACRAMENTO-Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger announced Tuesday that he will veto a universal health care bill that is headed for his desk, claiming the measure would set up a "vast new bureaucracy" that would be too expensive.

The Republican governor said the single-payer system proposed by Sen. Sheila Kuehl would "cost the state billions and lead to significant new taxes on individuals and businesses, without solving the critical issue of affordability."

"I won't jeopardize the economy of our state for such a purpose," the governor said in a statement.

Arnold has never been everybody's cup of tea, but there are moments like these when basic common sense wins out. Angelides would never have such moments.

Rush To The Rescue!

Now this is what I call a publicity coup.

Plans for the opening week of CBS EVENING NEWS WITH KATIE COURIC have surpassed network executives' wildest dream: Presidents Bush and Clinton, radio king Rush Limbaugh and broadcast legend Walter Cronkite have all agreed tp to appear, a CBS insider reveals!

A top network source says scheduling of "guest editorials" are still in flux.

But the addition of Rush Limbaugh to the CBS EVENING NEWS is bound to generate maximum commotion and tume-in hits.

"It was Katie's idea to bring Limbaugh in," a top CBS source said on Sunday. "She is very excited he has agreed to appear."

What would be even better would be if Rush and Bubba were in the same interview together...

Crocodile Deadee

I guess I shouldn't be shocked by this.

THE Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin, is dead.

He was killed in a freak accident in Cairns, police sources said today.

It is understood he was killed by a stingray barb that went through his chest.

He was swimming off the Low Isles at Port Douglas filming an underwater documentary when the tragedy occured.

Just wow. As Bender once said, nature is cruel-and ironic. This guy was nuts, but he knew more about nature than all of the tree-huggers and Al Gore followers put together.

Khatami's Crapola

I'll bet the State Department is real glad they gave a visa to this jackoff.

Former Iranian President Mohammad Khatami says U.S. foreign policy triggers terrorism and violence in the world, but American Muslims can play a key role in promoting peace and security.

In his first public appearances during a nearly two-week visit to the United States, Khatami spoke twice in the Chicago area over the weekend. He is the most senior Iranian official to visit the United States since Islamic fundamentalists seized the U.S. Embassy in Tehran in 1979 and held Americans hostage for 444 days.

"As America claims to be fighting terrorism, it implements policies that cause the intensification of terrorism and institutionalized violence," Khatami said at the Islamic Society of North America's 43rd annual convention.

The ones who need to be institutionalized are the State Department dweebs who allowed this cretin in the country in the first place.

Mao M.I.A.

To paraphrase John Lennon, if you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, your kids might not remember him anyhow.

Mao Tse-tung, one of history's greatest mass murderers, and the tyrant who ruled China with an iron fist for 27 years, has all but vanished from China's newest history books.

Instead of reading about the blood-soaked history of Mao's reign, students in Shanghai will be learning about J.P. Morgan, Bill Gates, the New York Stock Exchange, the space shuttle and Japan's bullet train.

According to Friday's New York Times, China's new standard world history text eliminates mentions of "wars, dynasties and Communist revolutions in favor of colorful tutorials on economics, technology, social customs and globalization."

When future generations of Chinese kids ask about the huge gap in China's history between 1949 and the early 2000's, will they simply be told China didn't exist during that time?

My Wife, My Meal Ticket

Oh, please.

Former President Bill Clinton said during a visit with his wife to the State Fair on Friday that he isn't pressing her to run for president.

"I don't have an opinion on this," he said to reporters after he and his wife spoke to more than 500 people at a luncheon she hosted at the fair.

"I'm in the support business. Whatever she does will make me happy," the former president said. "If she decided to spend her six years in the Senate and then go help me in my work around the world and then we could travel together that would make me happy too."

What would make me happy is if we never had to hear from either one of these two ever again.

This Is A Dead Sea

Could the Dead Sea soon be DOA?

LORD FOSTER, the British architect, has been enlisted by the King of Jordan for his most grandiose project yet-a canal carved through the Sinai desert to rescue the Dead Sea from environmental disaster.

He has already held talks with the governments of Israel and Jordan about a $3 billion scheme to transfer water from the Red Sea to the Dead Sea.

His proposal is to carry sea water from the Gulf of Aqaba to replenish the Dead Sea, which has shrunk by a third over the past 50 years and faces total evaporation. At stake is the area's delicate ecology and a tourist industry-that draws 100,000 Britons each year-centered on the sea's mineral-rich waters and mud.

This is the first time I've ever thought of the phrase "Better Red Than Dead" as being a good thing.

Bubba's Worst Nightmare

The truth hurts, and apparently Bubba can't deal with it.

RUSH: I told you people yesterday and the day before of a movie, a mini-series running on ABC on September 10th and 11th, called The Path to 9/11 and I told you that I have the DVDs. I also told you that because I am in touch-I am poor when I'm in New York-I do not have a DVD player. I don't. My apartment's got an old media room in it, it's got a laser disk player in it, but it doesn't have a DVD. Well, actually it has a DVD player in it, but the TV doesn't work. The projector does, and it's the only room in the house where there's a DVD player, and I can't watch DVDs on computers because I can't hear well through computer speakers. So I watched it. It's four hours.

(Snip) It's just devestating to the Clinton administration. It talks about how we had chances to capture bin Laden in specific detail, which I will get to in just a moment. That's not the point. I mentioned to you yesterday or the day before, the days are running together, that a friend of mine did this. His first name is Cyrus, and Cyrus has got some other film credits. He took it to Washington in the middle of last week and screened it for people and it caused nearly bloody uproar when they showed it. Richard Ben-Veniste went up in Cyrus's face and told him it was disgusting. This film was disgusting. It caused all kinds of havoc and that led to the creation of efforts to try and get this film banned, put pressure on ABC to get it canceled and not run and so forth.

Now this sounds like Must-See TV.

Hillary Calls It Quits?

The Hildebeast may not be going for the grand prize after all.

FRIENDS of Hillary Clinton have been whispering the unthinkable. Despite her status as the runaway frontrunner for the 2008 Democratic nomination for president, some of her closest advisors say she might opt out of the White House race and seek to lead her party in the Senate.

The former first lady longs to return to the White House with husband Bill as a consort. Only last week she told television viewers America would be led by a woman one day. "Stay tuned," she said.

First, however, she has to win the election. Some Democratic party elders-the American equivalent of the Tories' "men in grey suits"-say Clinton may back out of the race of her own volition.

I'll believe it when I see it. A steel cage match between the Gorebot and Herman Munster just wouldn't be the same without her.

Melting The House Down

I guess it's official: the MTV awards have become totally irrelevant.

NEW YORK (AP)-When a wooden politician delivers the best line of the MTV Music Video Awards, you know the thrill is gone.

So was the decadence, outrageousness and sponteneity that used to make the VMAs such a guilty pleasure.

(Snip)...Fans watch for the FCC-flaunting skits, nearly naked starlets, foul-mouthed speeches and those embarrasingly bad dance numbers.

They do NOT watch for lectures from former Vice President Al Gore on global warming. When does the phrase "here's a photo of a glacier melting" ever fit into an awards show?

"Hip To Be Square" may have been the title of a hit song for Huey Lewis and the News, but Al Gore proves that in real life it's anything but.

Left Like Me

"Yes, Massa. Ah votes just the way you wants me to, yessir!"

The trend of incumbent Democratic lawmakers facing primary challenges from the left is not sparing black lawmakers, despite their generally being among the party's more liberal representatives and blacks being the party's most loyal constituency.

Rep. Albert R. Wynn, Maryland Democrat, is facing a strong primary challenge from Prince George's County lawyer Donna Edwards, who says he is too conservative to represent his predominantly black constituency. The most unlikely Congressional Black Caucus member, Rep. Robby L. Rush, Illinois Democrat, faced similar charges from his opponent Philip Jackson in the primary.

"Our opponent in the primary attempted to use that strategy against Mr. Rush in relation to his vote for the energy bill last year," said a staffer for Mr. Rush.

Mr. Rush is a former Black Panther and recognized as one of the most liberal members of Congress yet he and Wynn were both attacked by their opponents for supporting the energy bill, a choice both men said they made after they successfully worked out a deal in committee to increase federal low-incone home energy assistance program (LIHEAP) by $3 billion.

"My general view is that the Democratic Party used to be the big tent party where everyone is allowed to express their views; now it is being taken over by these bloggers and purists who can only see one way of thinking," Mr. Wynn said. "We can think for ourselves and not for somebody else's idea of what a liberal is supposed to be."

Welcome to the world of the modern Democratic Party, Mr. Wynn. The fallout of the Lieberman Effect keeps spreading...

All Apologies

Being in politics means always having to say you're sorry.

WASHINGTON, Aug. 31--These are sorry days in American politics.

The Maryland comptroller, William Donald Schaefer, a former governor and Baltimore mayor, released a radio acvertisement on Wednesday in which he apologized to anyone he had offended in his 50-year career, sins that ranged from ogling a woman at a public meeting to complaining that immigrants were not learning English fast enough.

Senator Conrad Burns, Republican of Montana, said Wednesday that the United States confronts a "faceless enemy" of terrorists who "drive cabs in the daytime and kill at night." Despite a hail of criticism on Thursday, Mr. Burns has not apologized for this remark as he did after complaining in July that a group of firefighters did not do a "goddam thing" to stop a wildfire east of Billings.

Senator George Allen, Republican of Virginia, has been serially apologizing across Virginia since demeaning a man of Indian descent as "Macaca, or whatever his name is" at a campaign rally last month. Mr. Allen has been perhaps the most prodigious apologizer in what has been a spate of groveling across the political spectrum.

Apologizing after the fact is nothing new in politics-Bill Clinton raised it to an art form-but why don't they apologize beforehand-like, say, to the voters for conning them out of votes when they first start running for office?

These Boots Were Made For Jihadin'

If the shoe fits, Allah forbids you to wear it.

HYBERABAD: Police on Friday seized Liberty Footwear Company's Glider brand on which a controversial design resembling the Arabic word "Allah" was imprinted. Three showrooms of the company at Abids, Banjara Hills and Ramgopalpet were told to close their shops for the day.

Following protests by the local Muslims the footwear company tendered an apology. Sources said such footwears were first noticed in Bangalore. Some Muslim leaders on Thursday night had purchased some footwear from Liberty showrooms. They found that No. 3 and No. 7 of the Glider brand carry imprints of a design which resembled Arabic word 'Allah'.

OK, this is stupid to the point of being anal. At least when our whackos see Jesus's face in a tortilla they don't declare holy war against Taco Bell.