Welcome To The Machine

The Greeks-history's original nerds.

After a century of study, scientists have unlocked the secrets of a mysterious 2,100-year-old device known as the Antikythera mechanism, showing it to be a complex and uncannily accurate astronomical computer.

The bronze-and-iron mechanism, recovered in more than 80 highly corroded fragments from a sunken Roman ship in 1901, could predict the positions of the sun and planets, show the location of the moon and even forecast eclipses.

The international team of scientists reported today that the 1st century BC Greek device, the earliest known example of an arrangement of gear wheels, shows a technological sophistication that was not seen again until clockwork mechanisms were introduced in the 14th century.

I wonder if there was an ancient equivelant to the Mac, so its users could make fun of the Antikythera users...

Throw Danny Off The Train

Louie DePalma is the latest to suffer from Kramer-itis.

NEW YORK (AP)-An especially colorful appearance on "The View" bu Danny DeVito has eyebrows raised and tongues wagging that the veteran actor may not have been himself Wednesday morning.

DeVito said he'd been drinking with George Clooney the night before, and that "it was the last seven Limoncellos that were going to get" him.

Questions really started to come up when DeVito went into a Three Stooges act to describe President Bush. And when Rosie O'Donnell asked if he'd been to sleep yet, she answered for him, "Not really." Then DeVito said "No."

Well, I have to be honest-if I had to sit with those skanks on The View I'd probably drink beforehand, too.

Jagged Little Pill

Quite frankly, I don't blame them.

Attention ladies: Don't expect your guy to take over Pill-popping duties anytime soon.

Monday's news of a potential male contraceptive pill in development at a British university, boldly emblazoned across the top of Drudge Report online, was met with extreme skepticism among New York doctors-and sheer terror among New York men.

"This Pill sounds way too scary," says Matt, a 25-year-old entertainment executive. "I can't imagine anyone I know taking it. I know I wouldn't."

If women want to feminize and castrate men thery're going to have to do it the old-fashioned way-marry them.

Moonbat Over Miami

The left may have wingnuts aplenty (see below), but the right is catching up.

WASHINGTON-Florida Gov. Jeb Bush called a Colorado congressman "a nut" Wednesday after the fellow Republican likened MIami to a Third World Country.

"What a nut," Bush told reporters in Tallahassee. "I'm just disappointed. First of all, he's from my own party. He's a Republican. He doesn't represent my views or the views of most Republicans in this state.

"Miami is a beautiful place...I love Miami," Bush said. "It's insulting for someone who really doesn't know the community, its heartbeat, to say those things."

The public spat began 10 days ago when U.S. Rep. Thomas Tancredo was attending a gathering of conservative activists at The Breakers in Palm Beach and said in an interview with WorldNetDaily, a conservative online newspaper: "Look at what has happened to Miami. It has become a Third World country.

"You just pick it up and and take it and move it someplace. You would never know you're in the United States of America. You would certainly say you're in a Third World Country."

Eat your heart out, Pat Buchanan...

Drive To The Head Of The Class

Our schools are turning into game shows.

CASPER, Wyoming-Public schools often reward excellent attendance with movie tickets, gas vouchers and iPods. But some United States students are now hitting the ultimate teenage jackpot: They have won cars or trucks just for going to school.

Last spring, 16-year-old Kaylie Christopherson won a brand-new $28,000 pickup truck, with an MP3 player, for near-perfect school attendance.

"I take it everywhere," the high school junior said.

School districts in several states are now giving away vehicles, which usually are awarded through drawings open only to students with good attendance.

Man, if I were a high school student today-I could have had sex with a hot teacher, and gotten a set of wheels out of it, too.

Keep To The Left

Yech. You know what really stinks about the Bush administration? It's allowed idiots like this guy to gain a national audience.

His views described as democratic socialist underscore tension in the new Democratic-controlled Congress between urges to confront and investigate President George W Bush's administration and to govern from the middle while refraining from the most controversial elements of the liberal agenda.

But Sanders, who eschews the polished, made-for-television style of dress and appearance often favored by Washington's elite for the rumpled look of a distracted professor, said he sees his role as an agitator for dramatic reforms and investigations.

"We also need to answer questions about Haliburton, no bid contracts, Katrina," he said. "We need to ask questions about the connection between the pharmaceutical industry and the writing of the prescription drug Medicare bill."

"The American people are entitled to answers about the behavior of the most reactionary and incompetent administration in modern American history," he said.

No, what they need answers to is why nimrods like you will be any better. I'm betting you won't.

The Iranian Connection

Well looky here.

WASHINGTON, Nov. 30, 2006-U.S. officials say they have found smoking-gun evidence of Iranian support for terrorists in Iraq: brand-new weapons fresh from Iranian factories. According to a senior defense official, coaliton forces have recently seized Iranian-made weapons and munistions that bear manufacturing dates in 2006.

This suggests, say the sources, that the material is going directly from Iranian factories to Shia militias, rather than taking a roundabout path through the black market. "There is no way this could be done without (Iranian) government approval," says a senior official.

Hey, Abby Dinnerjacket-we have a few munitions of our own we'd like to show you...

"We'll Take It From Here"

It looks like this thing is coming to a close whether Bush wants to admit it or not.

Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki said Thursday he believed Iraq forces would be ready by June 2007 to take full control of security in Iraq, an issue on which he pressed President Bush during their meeting in Amman, Jordan.

In making the argument that his military and police could handle security in the country, al-Maliki has routinely said the force could do the job within six months.

"I can say that Iraqi forces will be ready, fully ready to receive this command and to command its own forces, and I can tell you that by next June our forces will be ready," al-Maliki said in an interview with ABC News.

Well, I wish them luck if and when it happens, and the next time we invade somebody's country I hope we have an actual plan in place so we don't screw things up too much for the people in that country.

I Am God Here

Hey, Kids! Someday you, too, can build your own universe for fun and profit!

Is this a joke? No, say a bunch of physicists. One day, it may be possible for a person to create a universe!

This is not going to happen tomorrow. Not even close. But according to Columbia University physics professor Brian Greene, it is theoretically not impossible (which is his way of saying the possibilities are not zero) that one day, a person could build a universe.

The very idea is so startling it's hard to know what this means.

Think about it this way: One day (far off, no doubt), it may be possible to go into a laboratory on Earth, create a "seed"--a device that could grow into a universe--and then there would have to be a way to get that seed, on command, to safely expand into a separate, infinite, unexplorable but very real alternate universe.

If I ever get to be a god, I want my potential worshippers to know that it's not my fault if they screw things up.

Everybody's Been Burned

And the plot thickens.

LONDON (AP)-Officials found traces of radiation on two British Airways jets, and the airline appealed to tens of thousands of passengers who flew to Moscow or other cities to come forward-the latest twist in the inquiry into the poisoning death of a former Russian spy.

The airline said the "risk to public health is low," adding that it was in the process of contacting tens of thousands of passengers who flew on the jets.

Two planes at London's Heathrow Airport tested positive for traces of radiation and a third jet was taken out of service in Moscow awaiting examination, British Airways said.

Uncle Putin had better have a good explanation for this one if those people get sick.

What It Is, Is...

Along with Newt Gingrich, we have another one a' them durn librul America haters.

DUBAI (Reuters) Former U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell said on Wednesday Iraq had descended into civil war and urged world leaders to accept that "reality."

Powell's remarks came ahead of a meeting between Bush and Iraqi prime minister Nuri al-Maliki in the Jordanian capital to discuss the security developments in Iraq.

"I would call it a civil war," Powell told a business forum in the United Arab Emirates. "I have been using it (civil war) because I like to face the reality," added Powell.

Reality-what a concept. Too bad Bush and his boot-lickers can't seem to grasp it.

Going, Going...

Continuing with the Doomsday Is Right Around The Corner theme, we have this to worry about.

Billions of people could be wiped out over the next century because of climate change, a leading expert said.

Professor James Lovelock, who pioneered the idea of the Earth as a living organism, said as the planet heats up humans will find it increasingly hard to survive.

He warned that as conditions worsen, the global population which is currently around 6.5 billion, may sink as low as 500 million.

Well shoot, maybe housing will finally become affordable in California again. See? There's a bright side to everything!

Ice, Ice, Baby

Call it the Cube Flu.

Influenza viruses may be preserved in glaciers and Arctic ice for thousands of years and released into the environment when the frozen water is thawed, potentially touching off lethal epidemics, researchers said.

Global warming may speed the release of the microbes, increasing the frequency of outbreaks, according to a study in the December issue of the Journal of Virology. The study is based on tests of water and ice from three lakes in Siberia, where large populations of migratory waterfowl breed before traveling to North America, southern Asia, Europe and Africa.

If it's not one thing it's another. Given all the catastrophes that are supposedly lying in wait for us, it's a wonder any of us are still around.

Socialism In The Sun

America's Finest City proves once again that it's far from it.

SAN DIEGO (AP)-The City Council here voted late Tuesday to ban certain giant retail stores, dealing a blow to Wal-Mart Stores Inc.'s potential to expand in the nation's eighth-largest city.

The measure, approved on a 5-3 vote, prohibits stores of more than 90,000 square feet that use 10 percent of space to sell groceries and other merchandise that is not subject to sales tax. It takes aim at Wal-Mart Supercenter stores, which average 185,000 square feet and sell groceries.

Mayor Jerry Sanders will veto the ban if the Council reaffirms it on a second vote, which will likely happen in January, said mayoral spokesman Fred Sainz. The Council can override his veto with five votes.

Having lived in San Diego for many years, I can attest that it is a beautiful city, but its politics really are this whacky. I guess some things haven't changed.

Tell It To The Judge

As if there wasn't enough hot air in Washington already.

The global political battle over climate change was also being fought at the US Supreme Court Wednesday as judges bickered over the role of greenhouse gas emissions in global warming and disagreed on whether the Environmental Protection Agency had the power to refuse to regulate such emissions.

Hearing a case that could have a big impact on emission politics in the US Congress and beyond, judges listened to a Bush administration official defend the notion that the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) should stay out of greenhouse gas regulation. They also heard from the state of Massachusetts, which insists that its coastline will be threatened unless the EPA steps in.

Environmental activists, frustrated by the failure of Congress of the Bush administration to act on global warming, brought the issue to the Supreme Court with the case Massachusetts v EPA. The court heard oral arguments in the case yesterday but will rule only sometime next year.

Maybe if these envirowhackos stopped opening their mouths they could contribute to reducing emissions on their own.

No Toys For Mini-Me

The U.S. wants to hurt Lil' Kim where he lives.

WASHINGTON (AP)-The Bush administration wants North Koreas attention, so like a scolding parent it's trying to make it tougher for that country's eccentric leader to buy iPods, plasma televisions and Segay electric scooters. The U.S. government's first-ever effort to use trade sanctions to personally aggravate a foreign president expressly targest items believed to be favored by Kim Jong Il or presented by him as gifts to the roughly 600 loyalist families who run the communist government.

Kin, who engineered a secret nuclear weapons program, has other options for obtaining the high-end consumer electronics and other items he wants.

But the list of proposed luxury sanctions, obtained by the Associated Press, aims to make Kim's swanky life harder: No more cognac, Rolex watches, cigarettes, artwork, expensive cars, Harley Davidson motorcycles or even personal watercraft, such as jet skis.

Well, at least he gets to keep his porn...

Newt Nails It

Just wow.

BEDFORD, N.H.-Former House speaker Newt Gingrich told a New Hampshire audience yesterday that unless the Bush administration admits that the war in Iraq is a "failure," it will never develp a strategy to leave the country successfully.

Gingrich, who has been laying the groundwork for a presidential run, said the Bush administration needs to plan a "third stage" in Iraq, following the military takeover stage and the recent democracy-building stage. But he says a third stage can come about only if officials admit they must change course.

"If the military, White House, and State Department continue to avoid the word 'failure,' how can you bring about a third stage?" Gingrich said.

Yes, the man behind the Contract with America and one of the chief architects of the Republican Revolution has become one a'them durn cut-and-run libruls. Funny how there seem to be so many of them these days...

Maliki Who?

Is Mr. Maliki soon to be unemployed?

WASHINGTON, Nov. 28-A classified memorandum by President Bush's national security advisor expressed serious doubts about whether Prime Minister Nuri Kamul al-Maliki had the capacity to control the sectarian violence in Iraq and recommended that the United States take new steps to strengthen the Iraqi leader's position.

The Nov. 8 memo was prepared for Mr, Bush and his top deputies by Stephen J. Hadley, the national security adviser, and senior aides on the staff of the National Security Council after a trip by Mr. Hadley to Baghdad.

I'm guessing this is Bush's way of telling Maliki to shape up or ship out. Of course, that doesn't seem to apply to the Bush administration itself.

Russian Flu-ette

Whatever Putin's carrying sure is contagious.

Yegor Gaidar, Russia's former prime minister and the architect of the country's market reforms, last week suffered a sudden, unexplained and violent illness on a visit to Ireland, a day after Alexander Litvinenko, a former KGB spy, died in London from an apparent radiation posioning.

Mr. Gaidar is now in a stable condition at an undisclosed Moscow hospital, undergoing tests. In a telephone interview with the FT, Mr. Gaidar said the doctors had so far been unable to identify the cause of the violent vomiting and bleeding that he suffered during a conference in Ireland.

Forget about the Clintons-just being near Putin can be hazardous to your health!

Settle Down, Beavis

Uh-huh, huh huh huh huh huh huh!

Feel Me The Money

Now I've heard everything.

The government discriminates against blind people by printing money that all looks and feels the same, a federal judge said Tuesday in a ruling that could change the face of American currency.

U.S. District Judge James Robertson ordered the Treasury Department to come up with ways for the blind to tell bills apart. He said he wouldn't tell officials how to fix the problem, but he ordered them to begin working on it.

The American Council of the Blind has proposed several options, including printing bills of differing sizes, adding embossed dots or foil to the paper or using raised ink.

What if you're a blind bank robber? Wouldn't sticking to the old currency just be an easier way to fool him?

"If Elected, I Will Not Serve"

Just how single-minded is one of the leading groups of the religious right? The guy chosen for the job says thanks, but no thanks.

The president-elect of the Christian Coalition of America has declined the job, saying the organization wouldn't let him expand its agenda beyond opposing abortion and gay marriage.

The Rev. Joel Hunter, who was scheduled to take over the socially conservative group in January from Roberta COmbs, said he had hoped to focus on issues such as poverty and the environment.

"These are issues that Jesus would want us to care about," said Hunter, a senior pastor at Northland Church in Longwood, Florida.

Hunter announced his decision not to take the job during an organization board meeting Nov. 21. A statement issued by the group said Hunter left because of "differences in philosophy and vision." Hunter said he was not asked to leave.

"They pretty much said, 'These issues are fine, but they're not our issues, that's not our base,'" Hunter said.

Of course not. Their "Base" is too busy trying to keep America safe from those eeevil homos and Godless Darwinists who believe in that pesky science.

Radioactive

London is literally a hot town these days.

LONDON (Reuters)-Traces of radiation have been found at several more sites in London during investigations into the death of a former KGB spy last week, British Home Secretary John Reid said on Monday.

Reid told parliament that indications of radiation had been found at "several other premises" in addition to Alexander Litvinenko's home and at a hotel and restaurant he visited on November 1, the day he fell ill. But Reid said there was no need for public alarm.

Litvinenko died last week, accusing russian President Vladimir Putin of murdering him, and significant amounts of highly radioactive plonium-210 were found in his body. Russia strongly denies involvement.

Where's 007 when you need him?

N Means No

Oh, African-American, please!

LOS ANGELES-The Rev. Jesse Jackson is calling on the entertainment industry to stop using the racial slur that Michael Richards used against hecklers in a Los Angeles comedy club.

Jackson and others told supporters Monday that they'll meet with television networks, film companies and musicians to talk about the n-word.

Jackson is also asking the public not to buy a DVD box set of the seventh season of "Seinfeld." The set was released last week, the same week that former Seinfeld star Richards was videotaped unleashing a racist rant against the black hecklers.

Well, on the plus side it would put a lot of rappers out of business...

The Last In Line

Poor Lurch. All that ego and no place to go.

NEW HAVEN, Conn. (AP)-Americans have the warmest feelings about former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani, Republican Sen. John McCain and Democratic Sen. Barack Obama, according to a poll released Monday that scores the popularity of national leaders.

The Quinnipac University's "thermometer reading," taken the week after the Nov. 7 election, asked voters to rate their feelings for 20 leaders on a scale of 0 to 100.

Giuliani, a Republican weighing a presidential bid in 2008, scored the highest at 64.2. Obama and McCain, who are also considering a 2008 campaign, finished next at 58.8 and 57.7.

President Bush was 15th out of 20 while his secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice, was fourth and former President Clinton fifth.

New York Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton scored ninth of the 20 leaders with a score of 49. Massacusetts Sen. John Kerry, the 2004 Democratic nominee who was roundly criticized before the election for suggesting that students who don't study could end up stuck in Iraq, came in last at 39.6.

Maybe it's because when people think of warm and fuzzy, John-John isn't really the first person who comes to mind.

An Inconvenient Phil

Move over, Al. Donahue's taking over the irrelevancy.

Add the name of Phil Donahue to the list of people who've made documentaries about the effects of the Iraq war.

The legendary liberal talk-show host and renowned Ralph Nader supporter showed his film-which he called a work in progress-to a private screening group last week.

The film, "Body of War," is unfinished but riveting. It should make Thomas Young, its central character, a star on the lecture and possibly talk-show circuit, much the way Mark Zupan got recognition after last year's "Murderball."

Consideirng Phil's success with Ralph, if I were Mr. Young I'd think about getting a new agent...

Devil May Care

It's Baby Hugo versus Beelzebub!

CARACAS, Venezuela (Reuters)-Venezuela's leftist President Hugo Chavez on Sunday promised hundreds of thousands of supporters he would win a resounding victory in his December 3 reelection bid he describes as a challenge to Washington.

The former soldier and self-styled revolutionary is favored in the polls to beat rival Manuel Rosales after building a solid political base through a social development campaign financed by oil revenues.

(snip) "We are confronting the devil, and we will hit a home run off the devil next Sunday," said Chavez, who ruffled feathers in Ocrober by calling President Bush the devil in remarks at the United Nations.

Since Baby Hugo is the one dressed in red, maybe God will get confused and send a blow against him instead. One can only hope.

Lessons Learned?

For all the ire he gets from social conservatives, the more practical conservatives seem to be getting it with regards to a certain former Mayor.

Some of the biggest Republican donors to George W Bush's presidential campaigns are backing Rudy Giuliani, the former New York mayor, for the White House as the candidate who can beat Hillary Clinton in 2008.

Over a private lunch of sea bass and hamburgers at New York's 21 Club recently, Mr Giuliani addressed nearly three dozen of the men who helped propel Mr Bush to the presidency. They included "Pioneers", who donated more than $100,000 to Bush campaigns, and "Rangers", who gave at least $200,000.

Patrick Oxford, a major Bush contributor from Houston who attended the lunch, said that despite having courted the top Bush donors for years, Senator John McCain, seen as the Republican front runner for 2008, had not persuaded all of them.

(snip) Mr Giuliani is seen as a hero of the September 11 attacks for his dignified and patriotic performance as New York mayor, as well as being known as a foreign policy hawk. He has therefore been able to tackle head-on the concerns that his liberal stances on abortion, gun control and gay marriage make him unacceptable to ordinary Republicans.

"Closer analysis will find that his positions on those three particular issues are not hands-down odius to the Republican rank and file," said Mr Oxford.

The social conservatives who hate Rudy so much have two choices. They can either hold their noses and vote for him, or they can stay home-and marginalize themselves even further from the conservative mainstream if Hillary(tm) wins. The choice is up to them.

Boycotts Begin, Are You Listenin'?

And here's another moron who has a bug up his butt this holiday season.

BEUNA PARK, Calif., Nov. 25--Dr. Wiley S. Drake Sr. pastor of First Southern Baptist Church of Buena Park California, and newly elected 2nd Vice President of the Southern Baptist Convention, announced today that he is calling all people from all walks of life to boycott Wal Mart until the company repents and returns to the family roots put down deep by Christian businessman Sam Walton.

Drake said on his 63 birthday he sent the following letter to Lee Scott, President of Wal Mart:

Dear Mr. Scott:

Please accept my appreciation for Wal-Mart taking a stand to remain neutral in the cultural wars.

However as long as you are killing babies with your selling "Plan B" I will not return to your stores.

Also as long as you are still a member of the Homosexual Chamber of Commerce I will not return to your store.

I could go on but the list is long, and until Wal Mart Repents I will do all I can to keep people out of your stores.

Don't go away mad, Dr. Drake. Just go away...far, far away.

The Rangel Angle

Leave it to this moron to pick up where Lurch left off.

Hot Air has the video:

I want to make it abundantly clear: if there's anyone who believes that these youngsters want to fight, as the Pentagon and some generals have said, you can just forget about it. No young, bright individual wants to fight just because of a bonus and just because of educational benefits. And most of all of them come from communities of very, very high unemployment. If a young fella has an option of having a decent career or joining the army to fight in Iraq, you can bet your life that he would not be in Iraq.

Well, considering that our institutions of higher learning turned out people like "Jon Carey," I'd say they're actually better off.

See Me, Hear Me, Smell Me

What if a moonbat became a human torch and nobody cared?

CHICAGO-Malachi Ritscher envisioned his death as one full of purpose.

He carefully planned the details, mailed a copy of his apartment key to a friend, created to-do lists for his family. On his Web site, the 52-year-old experimental musician who'd fought with depression even penned his obituary.

At 6:30 a.m. on Nov. 3-four days before an election caused a seismic shift in Washington politics-Ritscher, a frequent anti-war protester, stood by an off-ramp in downtown Chicago near a statue of a giant flame, set up a video camera, doused himself with gasoline and lit himself on fire.

Aglow for the crush of morning commuters, his flaming body was supposed to be a call to the nation, a symbol of his rage and discontent with the U.S. war in Iraq.

(snip) There was only one problem: No one was listening.

If a nutcase turns himself into a charcoal briquette and nobody gives a damn, is he still irrelevant?

J'Accuse

Ah, the French. How civilized they are.

A Jewish fan of the HaPoel Tel Aviv soccer team was attacked by French fans in Paris Thursday, resulting in a police shooting that left one dead and one injured.

The incident took place at 11 PM at a McDonald's restaurant near Paris's Parc des Princes stadium following Tel Aviv's 4-2 victory over Paris Saint-Germain in a UEFA Cup match.

Paris fans attacked four French Jewish fans after members of the mob identified them as "Jews". The Jews fled in different directions and a mob formed chasing after one of them, Yaniv Hazout.

Don't worry. The mob was just getting things ready for their future Islamist overlords...

A Stone's Throw Away

Yep, Iraq is a real success story these days, isn't it?

The motorcade of Iraq's Prime Minister has been pelted with stones by fellow Shiites in a Baghdad slum when he paid respects to some of the 200 who died there last week.

The anger in Sadr City, stronghold of the Medhi Army Shiite militia, boiled over on the third day of a curfew imposed on the capitol by Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki's US-backed national unity coalition as it scrambled desperately to stop popular passions exploding into all-out civil war between Shiites and the Sunni minority.

"It's all your fault!" one man shouted as, in unprecedented scenes, a crowd began to surge around Mr. Maliki.

Talk about a Shiitestorm. Never mind Saddam; Mr. Maliki's days are the ones that may be numbered.

Somebody's Watching Me (And I Have No Privacy)

Don't worry. Uncle Sam is taking good care of you.

A report by an EU panel released Thursday said the bank data transfer agency SWIFT broke European privacy laws by handing over personal data to U.S. authorities for use in anti-terror investigations.

The Belgian-based company, The Society for Worldwide Interbank Financial Telecommunication, "committed violations of data protection laws" by secretly transferring data to the United States, without properly informing Belgian authorities, the EU's data protection panel said.

The panel's report calls on SWIFT, financial institutions and EU authorities to "take the necessary measures" to end the transfer, which it said contradicts Belgian and EU data protection rules. SWIFT is still transferring data under U.S. subpoenas.

Well, if it's in the name of fighting terror, then it has to be for our own good. After all, the Bush administration's first priority is upholding the law...isn't it?

With A Little Help From Our "Friends"

Calling all Arab countries: Team Bush wants you.

WASHINGTON-With Iraq near all-out civil war, the Bush administration is renewing efforts to break the cycle of violence there by enlisting the help of moderate Arab nations while also seeking to tackle the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

Ahead of a meeting next week between President George W. Bush and Iraq PRime Minister Nuri al-Maliki, Vice President Dick Cheney was leaving on Friday for Saudi Arabia to discuss Iraq and other regional issues.

The United States would like Saudi Arabia to use its influence with Iraq's Sunni minority to help stabilize the country. On Thursday, multiple car bombs killed more than 200 people in a Shi'ite stronghold in Baghdad in the worst single attack since U.S. forces toppled Saddam Hussein's government in April 2003.

Don't tell me the cowboy diplomacy thing is passe, Mr. President. You still have two more years to keep screwing things up and please the few remaining Bushbots!

Promises, Promises

I'm sure this will make folks in the Big Easy feel a whole lot better.

President Bush on Saturday renewed the nation's committment to help victims of last year's Gulf COast hurricanes and thanked U.S. troops fighting abroad.

In his Saturday radio address, Bush said Americans are grateful to those who rallied after hurricanes Katrina and Rita to bring food, water and hope to people who lost everything.

"We renew our commitment to help those who are still suffering and to rebuild our nation's Gulf Coast," Bush said.

Considering this administration's track record in the fixing things department, I'm not holding my breath.

They Protested On A Midnight Clear

Leave it to PETA to be this stupid.

ANCHORAGE, Alaska-The pastor at Anchorage First Free Methodist Church was mystified. Why was the activist group People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals chastising him? No animals are harmed in the church's holiday nativity display. In fact, animals aren't used at all.

People, however, do dress the parts-Mary, Joseph, the wise men, etc. The volunteers stand shivering at a manger on the curch lawn in a silent tribute to Christmas.

The Rev. Jason Armstrong was confused by an e-mail this week from PETA which, admonished him for subjecting animals "to cruel treatment and danger," by forcing them into roles in the church's annual manger scene.

"We've never had live animals, so I just figured this was some spam thing," Armstrong said. "It's rough enough on us people standing out there in the cold. So we're definitely not using animals."

Well, reality never stopped PETA before. Maybe they'll protest against the use of hay for the manger because, you know, straw has feelings, too.

Kumbayah, Allah

The Religion Of Pieces wants His Holiness to say otherwise.

ANKARA (Reuters)-Turkey's top Muslim official said on Thursday Pope Benedict should state clearly during a planned visit to Turkey next week he believes Islam, like Christianity, to be a religion of peace.

Benedict infuritated Muslims worldwide in September with a lecture that appeared to portray Islam as an irrational religion tainted by violence. Benedict later expressed regret over the pain his remarks caused but stopped short of a full apology.

"I think the attitude the Pope should take is that neither Islam nor Christianity is a source of violence," said Ali Bardakoglu, who heads Ankara's Directorate General for Religious Affairs which controls Turkish imams and writes their sermons.

I sure hope Bendict is a good actor because I think he'd have difficulty agreeing to the Turk's request with a straight face...

From Russia With No Love

It looks like the Russkies are back to their old tricks.

A former KGB agent turned Kremlin critic who blamed a "barbaric and ruthless" Russian President Vladimir Putin for his fatal poisoning had a toxic radioactive substance in his body, the British government said Friday.

In the statement dicated from his deathbed, Alexander Litvinenko accused the Russian leader of having "no respect for life, liberty or any civilized value." In his first public response to the allegations, Putin said he deplored the former spy's death but called the statment a political provocation.

The Health Protection Agency said the radioactive element polonium-210 had been found in Litvinenko's urine.

Considering that Uncle Putin seems bent on reviving the old Soviet Union, it seemed only logical that the Cold War wouldn't be too far behind. Looks like it's time to bring the Impossible Missions Force out of mothballs...

Praise The Lord, Pass The Stuffing And Gravy

HAPPY TURKEY DAY

Wednesday The Rabbi Went Nuts

And the winner of the monthly overblown hyperbole award goes to:

In an interview today, LifeSiteNews.com spoke with Rabbi Yehuda Levin, the Special Emmisary to Israel for the Union of Orthodox Rabbis of the United States and Canada and The Rabbinical Alliance of America, about the Israeli High Court of Justice's ruling today that homosexual couples married abroad will be registered as married couples.

(snip) He noted that while vocal on the land-rights of Israel, several Christian groups have been slow to protect Israel from the homosexual agenda. "IT is far wose to allow the homosexualization of the Holy Land than to give back land to the Arabs," Levin told LifeSiteNews.com.

(snip) While he stressed that this would never excuse any type of genocide or holocaust, he added, "There fore on a certain level, even anti-Semitism that leads to the destruction of the Jewish people, is not the ultimate evil. The ultimate evil would be to take the Jew, or anybody else, and attempt to destroy them spiritually. That would be the ultimate holocaust."

(snip) "If people of faith are serious enough then there's a hope to stem the tide of immorality," Rabbi Levin told LifeSiteNews.com. "But if we turn the other cheek to this evil, then we will all suffer worldwide. Because as the holy land goes, so by extension, will other areas of the world go. It will incur God's wrath."

Somebody should tell Pat Robertson to stop loaning out his speech writers...

She's Feeling Much Better Now

Well, this is nice to know.

LOS ANGELES (Reuters)-Barbara Streisand ended her latest farewell tour on Monday at a celebritiy-studded Los Angeles love-in that included incoming Democratic House Speaker Nancy Pelosi among the thousands of rapt fans.

About 20,000 people, who each paid up to $750 per ticket, packed the Staples Center to welcome the 64-year-old singer back to her adopted hometown, ending a 16-city North American tour that began on October 4 in Philadelphia.

The concert was filled with political overtones as Streisand, a longtime liberal activist, introduced Pelosi to a standing ovation.

Taking note of the recent Democratic takeover of both houses of Congress, Streisand said, "My depression is over."

Better keep those antidpressents handy, Babs. I think you're going to need them again in a couple of years...

Dexter's Laboratory

Move over, Dr. Evil. There's a new mad scientist in town.

On the surface, Thiago Olson is like any tupical teenager.

He's on the cross country and track teams at Stoney Creek High School in Rochester Hills. He's a good-looking, clean-cut 17-year-old with a 3.75 grade point average and he has his eyes fixed on the next big step: college.

But to his friends, Thiago is known as "the mad scientist."

In the basement of his parents' Oakland Township home, tucked away in an area most aren't privy to see, Thiago is exhausting his love of physics on a project that has taken him more than two years and 1,000 hours to research and build-a large, intricate machine that, on a small scale, creates nuclear fusion.

Nuclear fusion-when atoms are combined to create energy-is "kind of like the holy grail of physics," he said.

Isn't that how it is-one minute they're playing with nuclear reactors in the playpen, the next they're threatening to take over the world...

The Blank Generation

It seems that South Korean liberals are finding out the hard way what American and European liberals have already proven: Reality and theory don't mix.

Song Young Gil and Won Hee Ryong epitomize South Korea's 386 generation-the dynamic group of activists who took it upon themselves to transform the country. They gained political power in their 30's, helped to usher in democracy in the '80s by ousting a military regime, and were born in the 60s. Like America's anti-Vietnam War generation, the 386ers demanded greater economic eauality and more social justice.

Six years after being elected to the National Assembly, however, both Song and Won are frustrated. Not only because the idealistic goals of the 386ers have not been attained, but also because the movement itself has been humbled, having largely bungled its political opportunity. About 20 of President Roh Moo Hyun's top advisers are 386ers-and critics blame them for the divisive political climate in the country, and for a slowdown in economic growth. The Roh administration is deeply unpopular. "Our generation was good at fighting for democracy," says Song. "But we were poor at building something new. While Song belongs to the ruling Uri Party, a disillusioned Won has remained in the conservative Grand National Party.

Sounds like at least some of them are learning from their mistakes. I wish I could say the same thing about American lefties.

Paper Trail

If you're burdoned by white liberal guilt, it's never too late to show it.

Why have two of North Carolina's largest newspapers apologized in separate editorials for their part in the 1898 racial battles that occured statewide, culminating in the Wilmington, N.C. race riots in November of that year?

The apologies, in The Charlotte Observer and The News & Observer of Raleigh, last Friday coincided with a 16-page special report on the racial conflicts that boiled over 108 years ago. The tab section, jointly produced by both papers, chronicled events that led to the riots and anti-black activities, including efforts by local newspapers to support supremacists and seek the removal of anti-segregationists from office.

Editorial page editors at the papers, both currently owned by The McClatchy Company, said the timing for an apology was right. "We simply came to the determination that to fully acknowledge our role was appropriate," Steve Ford, editorial page editor for the News & Observer, told E&P today. "Once you do that, it came to seem to us that an apology was a natural step to take."

We ought to have a huge list of everybody who has ever been wronged in history. That way, if somebody wants an apology, their name can just be checked off. It would be a huge waste of time, but that's something liberals are good at.

Back To Basics

It sounds like the right message. Will the GOP listen?

The newly tapped Republican National Committee general chairman said Saturday that the party must return to core beliefs of smaller government, less spending, and fewer taxes to regain national leadership.

The address, Senator Mel Martinez's first since his new post was announced, came as Republicans are reeling nationally from the loss of both houses of Congress in the Nov. 7 elections.

"There's nothing wrong with our philosophy. There's nothing wrong with our principals," Martinez told members of the Florida Republican Party at its quarterly meeting. "We need to go back to restoring the faith of the people."

I wish Mr. Martinez luck. Considering how far the Republicans have fallen from those principals, he's going to need it.

'Cause He's Like Ice

Call him the Stage Nazi.

Michael Richards stunned a comedy club audience, shouting racial epithets at people who heckled him during a stand-up routine.

The 57-year-old actor-comedian, best known for playing Jerry Seinfeld's eccentric neighbor Kramer on the hit TV show "Seinfeld," was performing at the Laugh Factory in West Hollywood Friday night when he went into the verbal rampage.

A video posted on TBZ.com shows that the tirade apparently began after two black audience members started shouting at him that he wasn't funny.

Richards retorted: "Shut up! Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a f--- fork up your a--."

He then paced across the stage taunting the men for interrupting his show, peppering his speech with racial slurs and profanities.

He was out there, Jerry. But apparently he was NOT loving it...

Arnold's Answer

The Governator could show the GOP how it's supposed to be done.

He can't run for president-the Constitution forbids it.

He won't camp out in Iowa or New Hampshire-that would fritter away the goodwill he worked so hard to rebuild this election season.

But that does not mean Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger plans to sit out the 2008 presidential campaign.

Fresh off a smashing reelection victory, the governor and his political team are hoping Schwarzenegger's outsized persona and bipartisan achievements in Sacramento can translate into a substantial role in the next White House contest, especially on the Republican side.

"When you have a Republican who won a large victory in a Democratic state in a very Democratic year, clearly he's identifying issues that represent what many voters are concerned about," said Adam Mendehsohn, the governor's communications chief.

And those issues were NOT gay marriage or abortion, no matter how much "The base" might wish otherwise. They are the issues that helped Republicans win in the past-fiscal responsibility and national defense. If the GOP leadership can get over itself and remember that, they might be worth voting for again.

Back To The Golf Course

The Juice has been dumped.

After a firestorm of criticism, News Corp. said Monday that it has canceled the O.J. Simpson book and TV special "If I Did It."

"I and senior management agree with the American public that this was an ill-considered project," said Rupert Murdoch, News Corp. chairman. "We are sorry for any pain that this has caused the families of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson."

A dozen Fox affiliates had already said they would not air the two-part sweeps month special, planned for next week before the Nob. 30 publication of the book by ReganBooks. The publishing house is a HarperCollins imprint owned-like the Fox Network-by News Corp.

I guess O.J. just didn't make the cut...

A Psychopath Of One

What's the difference btween us and our enemies? We actually punish our scumbags.

Fort Campbell, Kentucky: One of four US soldiers accused of raping a 14-year-old Iraqi girl last spring showed little remorse and even smiled during a confession to charges he conspired to kill her and her family.

Even before the hearing on Wednesday to announce a plea agreement, James P. Barker, 23, slapped hands with other soldiers and frinned as he smoked a cigarette in the rain. A bailiff scolded him.

And when he described for the judge the assault in his own words, he gave vivid details of the rape with a deadpan delivery.

"That's pretty much all I have to say," Barker muttered with a shrug after describing raping the screaming girl. Barker agreed to plead guilty to the charges to avoid the death penalty, his civilian attorney David Sheldon said.

I would have turned him over to the girl's family or tribe and let them deal with this asshole. But that's just me.

School Daze

Class dismissed...wait a minute. What class?

New York: One recent day at the Brooklyn Free School, the "schedule" included the following: chess, debate, filming horror movies, and making caves for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Not that the students had to go to any of these sessions. At this school, students don't get grades, don't have homework, don't take tests, don't even have to go to class. Unless they want to.

"You can do basically anything at any time, and it's just a lot more fun because sometimes when you need a break at regular schools you can't get it," said Sophia Bennett Holmes, 12, an aspiring singer-actress-fashion designer. "But here if you just need to sit down and read and have time to play, then you can do that."

At the Brooklyn Free School, much of the decision-making occurs in a mandatory (yes, as in required) weekly gathering called the Democratic Meeting. Here, students air grievances, pose challenges, propose rules and set policy. Even the youngest children have a vote equal to the staffers. One agreed-upon rule? No sword-fighting allowed inside.

Well, I guess the next generation of burger-flippers and welfare recipients has to come from somewhere, so why not give them a head start when they're young?

America Is A Poopyhead

It's not easy being mean.

WASHINGTON (Reuters) Rude immigration officials and long delays in processing visas have turned the United States into the world's most unfriendly country for international travelers, according to a global survey released on Monday.

The survey showed that the United States was ranked "the worst" in terms of visas and immigration procedures by twice the percentage of travelers as the next destination regarded as unfriendly-the Middle East and the Asian subcontinent.

We're meaner than the Arabs? I didn't think that was possible.

Door Number Three

Thanks to Bush and Rummy, the military is now left with three ways to get us out of Team Bush's screw-ups.

WASHINGTON-A Pentagon review of Iraq has come up with three options-injecting more troops into Iraq, shrinking the force but staying longer or pulling out, The Washington Post reported Monday.

The newspaper quoted senior defense officials as dubbing the three alternatives "Go big, go long and go home."

The secret military study was commissioned by Gen. Peter Pace, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and comes as political and military leaders struggle with how to conduct a war that is increasingly unpopular, both in the United States and in occupied Iraq.

Well, since Choice No. 2 has already been tried and isn't working, and Choice No. 1 flies in the face of what Bush believes, that means Door Number Three. The only question is how and when it will happen so that we can leave with some of our dignity intact.

All You Need Is The Orgasmatron

You have to hand it to hippies-they come up with creative excuses for getting laid.

Two peace activists have planned a massive anti-war demonstration for the first day of winter.

But they don't want you marching in the streets. They'd much rather you just stay home.

The Global Orgasm for Peace was conceived by Donna Sheehan, 76, and Paul Reffell, 55, whose immodest goal is for everyone in the world to have an orgasm Dec. 22 while focusing on world peace.

"The orgasm gives out an incredible feeling of peace during it and after it," Raffell said Sunday. "Your mind is like a blank. It's like a meditative state. And mass meditations have been shown to make a change."

Yeah, but how many of them will be faking it...

Henry Weighs In

Meet another one of those durn cut-and-run libruls.

LONDON-Military victory is no longer possible in Iraq, former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger said in a television interview broadcast Sunday.

Kissinger presented a bleak vision of Iraq, saying the U.S. government must enter into dialouge with Iraq's regional neighborr-including Iran-if progress is to be made in the region.

"If you mean by 'military victory' an Iraqi government that can be established and whose writ runs across the whole country, that gets the civil war under controll and sectarian violence under control in a time period that the political processes of the democracies will support, I don;t believe that is possible," he told the British Broadcasting Corp.

But Kissinger, an architect of the Vietnam war who has advised President Bush about Iraq, warned against a rapid withdrawal of coalition troops, saying it could destabilize Iraq's neighbors and cause a long-lasting conflict.

"A dramatic collapse of Iraq-whatever we think about how the situation was created-would have disasterous consequences for which we would pay for many years and which would bring us back, in one way or another, into the region," he said.

Mr. Kissinger makes sense. Which is why the Bushbots will now loathe him with a passion.

Metrosexuals In Waiting

Oh, I get it. It's because they're not gay enough as it is.

LEWISTON-School-age boys, whose classroom struggles have recently been the cause of much concern in education circles, are being hurt by an unwritten set of social rules that discourage them from showing their emotions, a Harvard psychologist told a group of teachers Friday.

William Pollack, the author of "Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons from the Myths of Boyhood," used a mix of anecdotes and statistics to argue that stereotypical images of manhood are detrimental to boys.

"If a boy puts on a football helmet and cleats, then he's a real boy," said Pollack, co-director of the Center for Men at Harvard Medical School. "If he puts on a ballet outfit and tutu, then we say we hope he'll grow out of it."

I must not be enough of a man, then. Only real men wear tutus!

Get Thee Behind Me, Lurch

And speaking of losers:

It has been a bad few days for John Kerry, the junior senator in that proud stable of upright outre' solons from Massachusetts, gaunt senseless pontificator, noted jokester, war hero, camera hog, hip 70s Winter Soldier, one time presidential candidate, haircut model in many barbershops, early Botox patient, and Beacon Hill denizen with a deep abiding concern over the exact placement of Boston's fire hydrants.

In fact, it's been a virtual nightmare for a man not used to having anything other than his own way.

Seemingly lost in the labyrinthine corridors of the Capitol, now awash with new Democratic power brokers and their cadres of baby-faced bum kissers, poor Mr. Kerry valiantly ran from room to room, office to office, converence room to men's room, searching for that meeting with Chuck Schumer and the Democratic leadership which he knew in his heart that he must be invited to, which he must attend, whose successful outcome depended on his storied output.

Poor Lurch. From presidential contender to persona non gratis in one short election cycle. Don't worry, Lurch. Maybe you can join Mad How in Canada...

Hosers Vs. Howard

How much does it suck to be Mad How? Even Canucks think he stinks.

Canada's opposition Liberal Party is holding a convention this month to elect a national leader, and some party leaders aren't too happy about the choice of the keynote speaker-Howard Dean.

They say the unsuccessful presidential candidate has now place telling Canadians how to win elections. The former Vermont governor lost his bid for the 2004 Democratic nomination to Massachisetts Sen. John Kerry.

"I as a Canadian am appalled to have an American loser address a keynote convention that will choose Canada's next prime minister," Ray Heard, former Liberal Party communications director, told CTV television on Thursday.

We've been appalled by him for years, guys. Maybe now it's your turn. You keep him, we'll take Stephen Harper and Rush, how about it?

Space Truckin'

NASA is looking for a few good men.

It is the stuff of nightmares and, until now, Hollywood thrillers. A huge asteroid is on a catastrophic collision course with Earth and mankind is poised to go the way of the dinosaurs.

To save the day, Nasa now plans to go where only Bruce Willis has gone before. The US space agency is drawing up plans to land an astronaut on an asteroid hurtling through space at more than 30,000 mph. It wants to know whether humans could master techniques needed to deflect such a doomsday object when it is eventually identified. The proposals are at an early stage, and a spacecraft needed just to send an astronaut that far into space exists only on the drawing board, but they are deadly serious. A smallish asteroid calld Apophis has already been identified as a possible threat to Earth in 2036.

Dang, I thought Stargate SG-1 already took care of that creep...

More Bricks In The Wall

Hey, Nanny State, leave those parents alone!

Parents could be forced to go to special classes to learn to sing their children nursery rhymes, a minister said.

Those who fail to read stories or sing to their youngsters threaten their children's future and the state must put them right, Children's Minister Beverly Hughes said.

Their children's well-being is at risk 'unless we act,' she declared.

And Mrs. Hughes said the state would train a new 'parenting workforce' to ensure parents who fail to do their duty with nursery rhymes are found and'supported'.

George Orwell had nothing on the modern UK. Big Brother, meet Big Mother.

The Gift Of Giving

Hey, lefties! You know those eeeevil conservatives you hate so much? It turns out they're not so evil, after all.

SYRACUSE, N.Y.-Syracuse University professor Arthur C. Brooks is about to become the darling of the religious right in America-and it's making him nervous.

The child of academics, raised in a liberal household and educated in the liberal arts, Brooks has written a book that concludes religious conservatives donate far more money than secular liberals to all sorts of charitable activities, irrespective of income.

In the book, he cites extensive data analysis to demonstrate that values advocated by conservatives-from church attendance and two-parent families to the Protestent work ethic and a distaste for government-funded social services-make conservatives more generous than liberals.

In contrast, liberals love giving the destitute and downtrodden money-they just want to do it with somebody else's.

Rock On

Mini-Me says "Ret's jam!"

SEOUL, Nov. 17 (Yonhap)-North Korea, under international censure for trying to arm itself with nuclear weapons, plans to host an international rock music festival next year, the country's main radio station said Friday.

The Voice of Korea said in a report that the "Rock for Peace" festival will be held in Pyongyang, the capital, on March 1, a major national holiday marking an anti-Japanese public uprising in 1919.

The North's radio station carried the same report in its English Web site, with an announcement that Western musicians, including U.S. rockers, are eligible to participate and play a gamut of rock music including heavy metal.

"This is the very first time that North Korea allows Western musicians in the heart of DPRK territory to play capitalist popular music," the English report said.

Maybe we could do a trade-they give us their nukes and we give them the Dixie Chicks...

The Swarm

Technology rocks.

Israel is using nanotechnology to try to create a robot no bigger than a hornet that would be able to chase, photograph and kill its targets, an Israeli newspaper reported Friday.

The flying robot, nicknamed the "bionic hornet," would be able to navigate its way down narrow alleyways to target otherwise unreachable enemies such as rocket launchers, the daily Yedioth Ahronoth said.

It is one of several weapons being developed by scientists to combat militants, it said. Others include super gloves that would give the user the strength of a "bionic man" and miniature sensors to detect suicide bombers.

Attention all terrorists. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile!

What Would Obi-Wan Do?

Too much free time on their hands, these nerds have.

UNITED Nations chiefs today felt the Force from two Jedi Knights fighting for interstellar 'human rights'.

Self-proclaimed Jedis 'Umada' and 'Yunyun', joined by hairy wookie Chewbacca, called for official acceptance of their 'religion' at London's UN headquarters.

The fictional Jedis fought evil villain Darth Vader in the blockbuster Star Wars movie trilogy-leading to a cult following among sci-fi fans and students.

Umada, better known as 27-year-old John Wilkinson, pushed for tolerance of the Jedi faith-which attracted 390,000 followers in the 2001 UK census.

He said: "We have come here today to ask that we are recognised as the fourth largest religion in this country".

Make this stuff up, one cannot.

Off The Hook

Rummy can relax.

The lawsuit filed in Germany this week against Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and other senior Administration officials for alleged war crimes in Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo has little chance of making it to court. That's according to Andreas Zimmerman, professor of international criminal law at Kiel University who helped negotiate the Rome Treaty that founded the International Criminal Court and who drafted the German law under which Rumsfeld has been charged. Under German law, the decision over whether to try the case will rest with the federal prosecutor rather than with a judge. Federal prosecutors, of course, are subject to the wishes of the government, and the government is unlikely to press a case that would antagonize its American allies. "In theory the prosecutor could find him guilty of torture and put him in custody if he visited," said Zimmerman. "But in reality nothing is going to happen."

Rummy may be incompetent but he's no war criminal. Germany produced enough of those in the past.

Praise The Lord, Pass The Guitar Pick

From his cold, dead hands you will take this guitar.

Ed Roman's Quicksilver Guitars, the world's largest guitar store & builder of custom guitars, today announced that the company has completed the custom design, development and construction of a news custom guitar for world famous rocker, hunter and statesman Ted Nugent.

Ted Nugent, known for his hard-hitting rock'n'roll, as well as his strong support for the right to bear arms, his conservative lifestyle and love of his country, is one of Ed ROman's primary influences. "We are proud to have had the opportunity to work with Ted again and to produce this truly unige instrument and piece of rock 'n' roll history," said Ed Roman, founder of Ed Roman Guitars. "Not only is this a top-of-the-line guitar, it is a precision firearm. As usual, Ted will kill audiences with his hot finger work, but now he can employ his expert marksmanship with a six string, as well."

Ed Roman and the Luthiers at Ed Roman's guitar shop were all excited to build this guitar for Ted. They put their minds together and came up with the idea to build a magnetic, quick-deployment, high-caliber Derringer handgun into the guitar itself.

Just call him The Guitar Kid.

The Best And The Brightest

One of the great intellects of our time has left us.

Milton Friedman, the Nobel Prize-winning economist who advocated an unfettered free market and had the ear of three U.S. presidents, died Thursday at age 94.

Friedman died in San Francisco, said Robert Fanger, a spokesman for the Milton and Rose D. Friedman Foundation in Indianapolis. He did not know the cause of death.

"Milton's passion for freedom and liberty has influenced more lives than he ever could possibly know," Gordon St. Angelo, the foundation's president and CEO, said in a statement. "His writings and ideas have transformed the minds of U.S. presidents, world leaders, entrepreneurs and freshmen economic majors alike."

In more than a dozen books and a coloumn in Newsweek magazine, Friedman championed individual freedom in economics and politics.

Truly a great, great man. Godspeed, sir.

Take This Job And Shove It

I didn't think anybody could be worse than the current crop of GOP losers, but I guess I was wrong.

WASHINGTON-Seven aides who worked for U.S. Rep. Tom DeLay have resigned from the staff of his replacement, Shelley Sekula-Gibbs of Houston, after serving her for about 24 hours.

Kevin Madden, a former DeLay spokesman who works for outgoing GOP Majority Leader John Boehner and was not among the seven, said the holdover staffers "felt like they were treated terribly." He would not elaborate.

Well, it seems to me if you worked for Tom DeLay you should pretty much get what you deserve.

Got Smog?

It turns out a little pollution could go a long way.

NAIROBI, Kenya (AP) -Air pollution may be just the thing to fight global warming, some scientists say.

Prominent scientists, among them a Nobel laureate, said a layer of pollution deliberately spewed into the atmosphere could act as a "shade" from the sun's rays and help cool the planet.

Reaction to the proposal here at the annual U.N. conference on climate change is a mix of caution, curiosity and some resignation to such "massive and drastic" operations, as the chief U.N. climatologist described them.

Hmm, maybe if they get the greenies confused enough they won't be able to figure out what to protest against and leave the rest of us alone.

Pelosi Put-Down

Murtha's out.

Democrats picked Rep. Steny Hoyer to be House majority leader on Thursday, spruning Re. Nancy Pelosi's handpicked choice after unaninously backing her election as speaker when Congress convenes in January.

A Marylander and 25-year veteran of Congress, Hoyer defeated Rep. John Murtha of Pennsylvania in a vote of 149-86.

His election to the No. 2 job came just a short time after the Democratic caucus put Pelosi in line to become the first woman to be speaker, a position which is second in line of succession to the presidency. It marked a personal triumph for Hoyer.

Well, Nancy, you can't win 'em all. Let's hope this is the start of a trend for you.

Rove's Revenge?

Not that they necessarily deserve it, but could the GOP have the last laugh after all?

For a dozen years, the Democratic conservatives known as Blue Dogs have been baying at the moon, ignored by Republicans and tolerated by their more liberal Democratic colleagues. Now, these House lawmakers say that is about to change.

Republicans "did not lose their seats to liberal Democrats" in last week's elections, said Rep. Mike Ross, D-Ark. "Republicans lost their seats to Blue Dog Democrats."

"We'll have a lot to say about what passes and what doesn't" when the 110th Congress convenes in January with Democrats in control for the first time in 12 years, said Ross, new communications director for the caucus.

And therein lies the Dummycrats' Achilles heel. With Joe Lieberman considering switching parties, and these guys looking to him rather than Pelosi or Reid for leadership, the GOP may have kept a "Phantom majority". So much for the "Blue Wave."

Family Feud

"Can't we all just get along?"

WASHINGTON, Nov. 15-One would think that after their biggest electoral triumph in about a decade, Democrats would finally break their usual postelection syndrome-a November loss followed by recriminations, finger-pointing and infighting.

Well, think again.

The Democrats are celebrating their big victory of Nov. 7 with recriminations, finger-pointing and infighting, no matter that they won control of the Senate and the House for the first time since 1994.

State Democratic leaders are saying Howard Dean, the party chairman, is not receiving the credit he deserves for the triumph.

Offering a rather different view, two leading party strategists rebuked Mr. Dean on Wednesday, saying the Democrats could have captured 40 House seats rather than 29 had Mr. Dean bowed to demands by Representative Rahm Emanuel of Illinois, leader of the effort to recapture the House, to put more money into Congressional races.

"I would describe his leadership as Rumsfeldian in its incompetence," one strategist, James Carville, said of Mr. Dean.

The temperature in Hell must have dropped because I actually agree with ol' Lizard Lips. If the GOP is incompetent, the Demwits are buffoons and it's getting so you can't tell who the nuts are without a scorecard.

Finding Jacko

Jacko's back...sort of.

LONDON (Reuters)-Reclusive pop superstar Michael Jackson made a musical comeback of sorts on Wednesday, singing the chorus line of his charity single "We Are The World" before the sound cut out as he struggled for the high notes.

The 48-year-old, performing live for the first time since he was acquitted of child molestation charges in June, 2005, had been expected to sing his seminal hit "Thriller".

But to the huge disappointment of screaming fans, that was performed instead by young U.S. star Chris Brown.

Jackson looked uncomfortable at times as he was surrounded by excited young members of a gospel chorus on stage with him.

Probably reminded him too much of the good old days...

How-To For Hosers

It looks like college profs aren't the only ones who have been smoking something in the Great White North.

MISSISSAUGUA, Ontario, November 15, 2006 (LifeSiteNews.com)-A graphic sex-ed manual promoting lesbianism to teenage girls is now offered for sale by Wal-Mart Canada. Called "irresponsible and obscene" by the Institute for Canadian Values, the material contains explicit directions for engaging in oral/anal sexual acts. The book encourages same-sex experimentation, telling girls that only 10 percent of the population is actually heterosexual, while 80 percent is "mixed" or bi-sexual.

Produced by St. Stephen's Community House in Toronto, the book titled "The Little Black Book for Girlz: A Book on Healthy Sexuality" caused a storm of controversy earlier this fall when parents and pro-family groups first bacame aware of the books' content after it was published in September.

The manual was furthere condemned for using obscene and derogatory language. Examples include a section entitled "M First Time F***ing a Girl" and the statement "If you need somone to represent God The Holiness, then for me, it's a fat black dyke."

Look, guys, I know your country is already gay in a lot of ways, but please. At least leave it in the nightclubs where it belongs.

Murder By Numbers

If there is a hell, the Devil is working overtime getting things ready for this POS.

THEY call it "The Interview that will Shake the Nation." But two weeks before it is due to air, America is reeling with the news that O.J. Simpson is to describe, before an expected television audience of millions, how he would have murdered his wife.

Mr. Simpson, who was controversially acquitted 11 years ago of the murder of his estranged wife, Nicole, and her companion, will detail over a two-hour interview how he might have carried out the crimes had he been the killer.

The former American football star has always denied responsibility for the murders. The interview, to be shown on Fox TV this month, comes before the release of his book on the subject, titled If I Did It.

Well, this is it-TV has officially reached rock bottom. Look for the Charles Manson reality show next.

Darwin Awards R Us

Who knew? Allah does have a sense of humor after all!

Three terrorists were killed and one was seriously wounded on Nov. 13 when they tried to plant a roadside bomb in the Baghdad Garage neighborhood on Train Station Road in western Mosul.

The terrorists attempted to emplace a roadside bomb consisting of a 155 mm artillary round when it exploded prematurely, killing two of them instantly and injuring two more.

More like this, please. I'm all for the insurgents doing everything they can to help our guys come home sooner rather than later.

The Taxman Flyeth

Oh, joy. Here's another brilliant idea that won't fly (pardon the pun).

AIRLINE passengers would pay up to 27 (pounds) extra for a return ticket to cover the environmental damage caused by their flights, under European Commission proposals to address climate change.

Draft legislation, to be published next month, would require all flights arriving or departing from European Union airports to buy permits to cover their carbon dioxide emissions.

The document, a copy of which has been obtained by The Times, says that airlines would join Europe's emissions trading scheme by 2011 and predicts that they would pass on the costs to the passengers.

(snip) This will infuriate the United States and many other countries because it would affect all flight into and out of Europe, regardless of their origin or destination. US airlines would be forced to buy permits to cover their emissions on their European routes.

Well, between killing itself with socialism and political correctness and its unassimilated Muslim immigrants, Europe won't be worth visiting in a couple of decades anyway, so I might as well stay home.

The Sting

Just remember, Dusty Harry is not a crook.

As convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff reported to federal prison today, a source close to the investigation surrounding his activities told ABC News that Sen. Harry Reid (D-Nev.) was one of the members of Congress Abramoff had allegedly implicated in his cooperation with federal prosecutors.

A spokesperson for Reid, elected yesterday as the Senate Majority Leader, said the senator had done nothing illegal or unethical.

"We have no idea what Abramoff is telling prosecutors to save his skin, but I do know that these kind of old allegations are completely ridiculous and untrue," Sen. Reid's spokesman Jim Manley told ABC News.

Somewhere, Karl Rove is smiling. Enjoy your victory while it lasts, guys...

Back In Black

And the stupidity continues.

WASHINGTON Nov. 15, 2006 (AP)-Mississippi Sen. Trent Lott, ousted from the top Senate Republican leadership job four years ago because of remarks considered racially insensitive, won election to the chamber's No. 2 GOP post Wednesday.

Asked whether he felt vindicated by the 25-24 secret ballot vote, Lott deferred to newly-elected party leader Mitch McConnell.

"The spotlight belongs on him," Lott said of his Kentucky colleague.

Let me get this straight: The GOP's response to getting their asses handed to them is to not only re-elect the same people who got them to lose, but to put this douchebag in charge. I'd say it was unbelievable, but nothing about these idiots surprises me anymore.

Guido, You're Fired

How bad were the Republicans? The Democrats are doing something I actually agree with.

Is the IRS's new private tax-collection program headed for an early death?

After years of congressional debate, the Internal Revenue Service recently began using private debt-collection agencies to help pursue people who owe taxes. The IRS has already turned over the names of more than 13,725 taxpayers who owe the government about $73.5 million.

But the program has tun into renewed congressional attacks--and could well be eliminated--now that Democrats are poised to take control of the House and Senate. Among the strongest critics are several influential Democrats in line to take over powerful posts next year.

"I think it's a terrible program, and I'm going to let [IRS officials] know in as many political and legislative ways as I can," says Rep. Charles Rangel, the New York Democrat expected to be the nxt chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee.

Tell the boys their services are no longer required. After all, the Government is light-years ahead of them when it comes to stealing people's money anyway.

Let Them Eat Bread

Score another one for the wonders of socialism!

PARIS (Reuters)-Why have French baquettes become more expensive? Because of France's shorter work week, French Finance Minister Thierry Breton said on Tuesday.

Breton, who has been a vocal critic of France's 35-hour work week, said the price of a baquette had risen by 23 percent over the past five years, while the price of German bread had fallen by 3 percent over the same period.

"The cost of the 35-hour week is included in the rise of the price of a baquette since 2001, and this has been hidden too much from the French," Breton told L'Express magazine in an interview published on Tuesday.

Mon Dieu! Socialism hurts the economy? Non, non!

ROTC R.I.P.

Reason #186,245,698,391 to really, really hate San Fran Whacko.

After 90 years in San Francisco high schools, the Junior Officers' Training Corps must go, the San Francisco school board decided Tuesday night.

The board voted 4-2 to eliminate the popular program, phasing it out over two years.

Dozens of JROTC cadets at the board meeting burst into tears or covered their faces after the votes were cast.

"We're really shocked," said fourth-year Cadet Eric Chu, a senior at Lowell High School, his eyes filling with tears. "It provided me with a place to go."

Sooner or later San Fran Whacko is due for a huge cosmic payback for all the bad karma they've generated over the years. There is no justice in the Universe if it turns out otherwise.

Border-Line Hypocrisy

Sounds like the Church is taking its cues from the Useless Nations these days.

VATICAN CITY (Reuters)-A senior Vatican cardinal on Tuesday condemned the building of walls between countries to keep out immigrants and said Washington's plan to build a fence on the U.S.-Mexican border was part of an "inhuman program."

Cardinal Renato Martino made his comments at a news conference presenting Pope Benedict's message for the Roman Catholic Church's World Day of Migrants and Refugees, in which the Pope called for more laws to help immigrants integrate.

"Speaking of borders, I must unfortunately say that in a world that greeted the fall of the Berlin Wall with joy, new walls are being built between neighborhood and neighborhood, city and city, nation and nation," said Martino, head of the Vatican's Council for Justice and Peace.

Methinks the good Cardinal shouldn't point his finger when he's living in a part of the world that's rapidly succumbing to its own "Immigrant" invasion. Or maybe he's looking forward to the idea of the Vatican being part of a European Islamic Caliphate someday?

Let's Jam

How cool is this?

The dreams of rock-and-roll wannabes across the world have been answered with the development of the world's first air guitar that actually plays music.

Scientists from Australia's CSIRO have embedded a sensor interface into an ordinary looking shirt to build the imaginary instrument.

The wearer positions his or her arms as if holding a guitar, picks chords with one hand and strums the notational instrument with the other.

Sensors pick up the movements and relay them back wirelessly to a computer which acts as a speaker.

Rock on, dudes!

Mother Nature's Own

It turns out that potheads are not only stupid, they're bad for the environment, too.

In their most recent trashing of California's environment, pot growers destroyed rare plants on Mount Diablo land that conservationists are buying to protect fragile wildlife and plants.

The growers sneaked onto the 208-acre rance land in the hills above Concord to hack an opening in a thicket of desert olive, the group Save Mount Diablo said.

The olive plant, a leftover from long ago when the Bay Area resembled a desert, is found only in two or three places in the county.

The pot growers apparently harvested and toted off their cash crop without detection.

Where's Cartman and his hippy killer machine when you need them?

Outed Of Africa

Wow! I wonder how the religious right in this country will feel when they find themselves agreeing with Africa's Islamofascists over this.

CAPE TOWN, South Africa-The South African parliament passed legislation recognizing gay marriages Tuesday in an unprecedented move on a continent where homosexuality is taboo.

African National Congress veterans heralded the Civil Union bill for extending basic freedoms to everyone and equated it with liberation from the shackles of apartheid.

The bill's supporters had to overcome criticism from both traditionalists and gay activists and warnings that the legislation may be unconstitutional.

"When we attained our democracy, we sought to distinguish ourselves from an unjust painful past, by declaring that never again shall it be that any South African will be discriminated against on the basis of color, creed culture and sex," Home Affairs Minister Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula told the National Assembly.

You mean that people can actually have the right to live their own lives without the government saying otherwise? I am shocked!

Hollow Victory

It seems all is not well in Pelosi Land.

House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi is under fire from fellow Democrats and outside liberals for publicly backing Rep. John P. Murtha's bid to become majority leader, saying that the presumed speaker's acts have cast doubt on her party's promise to clean up the "culture of corruption" in Washington.

"How can Americans believe that the Democrats will return integrity to the House when future Speaker Pelosi has endorsed an ethically challenged member for a leaderhsip position?" said Melanie Sloan, executive director of the liberal group Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW).

"Representative Murtha is the wrong choice for the job."

I think I need to get my eyes checked because I actually agree with them.

Enter Hizzonor

Oh hell yes.

WASHINGTON-Former New York City mayor Rudy Giuliani, a moderate Republican best known for his stewardship of the city after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, has taken the first step in a 2008 presidential bid.

The former mayor filed papers to create the Rudy Giuliani Exploratory Committee, Inc., establishing a New York-based panel that would allow him to raise money to explore a White House run and travel the country.

The four-page filing, obtained by The Associated Press, lists the purpose of the non-profit corporation "to conduct federal 'testing the waters' activity under the Federal Election Campaign Act for Rudy Giuliani."

America's Mayor is taking the plunge. The guy whose city got attacked could have his finger on the button. Think about it, Islamowhackos. Then tremble.

Republican Is As Republican Does

Now this is dumb, even for them.

WASHINGTON-The depleted House Republican caucus, a minority in the next Congress, convenes at 8 p.m. in the Capitol Friday on the brink of committing an act of supreme irrationality. The House members blame their leadership for tasting the bitter dregs of defeat. Yet, the consensus so far is that, in secret ballot, they will re-elect some or all of those leaders.

In private conversation, Republican members of Congress blame Majority Leader John Boehner and Majority Whip Roy Blunt in no small part for their midterm election debacle. yet, either Boehner, Blunt or both are expected to be returned to their leadership posts Friday. For good reason, the GOP is often called "the stupid party."

While an unpopular war in Iraq and an unpopular George W. Bush were the primary causes of last Tuesday's Republican rout, massive public disapproval of the Republican-controlled Congress significantly contributed. While abandoning conservative principals, the spendthrift House had become chained to special corporate interests reprsented by K Street lobbyists.

It must be a way of punishing themselves for losing. The only other conclusion is that these people are complete idiots.

Changing Tune

Oh, now they get it.

WASHINGTON-Responding to a humbling election, White House aides said Sunday that President Bush would welcome new ideas about the unpopular war in Iraq, even from Democrats he had branded as soft on terrorism.

As Bush planned to meet today with a key advisory group on the war, his advisers adopted a new tone, days after a dissatisfied public handed the White House a divided government.

"Full speed ahead" in Iraq, as Vice President Dick Cheney put it in the final days of the campaign, was replaced by repeated calls for a "fresh perspective" and an acknowledgement that "nobody can be happy" with the situation in Iraq.

"We clearly need a fresh approach," said Josh Bolten, Bush's chief of staff, making the rounds of morning talk shows.

Well that's nice. Why couldn't you have started saying this two or three years ago?

"Oh, Cana-Duuuude!"

"Stupid Canadians. All they do is smoke pot and smell bad!"

TORONTO, Ontario (Reuters)-the use of medical marijuana has goven two Toronto professors the right to something that many students could only dream of-access to specially ventilated rooms where they can indulge in peace.

The two, at the esteemed University of toronto and at York University to the north of the city, suffer from chronic medical conditions that some doctors say can be eased by smoking marijuana. They are among nearly 1,500 Canadians who have won the right to use the drug for health reasons.

Using human rights legislation, the two petitioned their employers for the right to light up in the workplace. They faced a legal struggle, but the universities eventually agreed.

I think they've got the wrong leaf on their flag up there....

Come To The Dark Side

Joe Lieberman, come on down!

It hasn't been the best week, and with the Iraq Study Group apparently poised to release its eagerly awaited plan for surrender today, things are unlikely to get better anytime soon. So, before we get to the serious stuff, let's cling to one piece of positive news.

Yesterday, Joe Lieberman refused to rule out the idea of caucusing with the Republicans in the Senate. As I typed that sentence and prepared to hit the "publish" button, I could sense veins popping across the progressive blogosphere. The AP reports:

Senator Joseph I. Lieberman of Connecticut said yesterday that he will caucus with Senate Democrats in the new Congress, but he would not rule out switching to the Repbulican caucus if he starts to feel uncomfortable among Democrats.

One can only wonder what kind of things would make Lieberman uncomfortable serving the Democratic Party. Perhaps something like a Majority Lader Murtha might do the trick.

The Democrats may have won, but it could be a hollow victory if more like-minded Democrats follow Lieberman's lead. In the long run, we may not have to welcome our new overlords after all.

The Doctor Is Not In

Ah, the joys of socialized medicine!

Junior surgeons are walking out halfway through operations because of rules over the hours they work.

They are routinely downing scalpels before procedures are complete, to comply with the European Union's controversial Working Time Directive.

Although their senior colleagues stay to complete the procedure, in some cases operating room nurses are forced to fill in for the departing doctor.

Doctors and patient groups expressed alarm over the "dangerous" practice. Professor John Lowry, chairman of the Royal College of Surgeons' Working Time Directive committee, said: "We're concerned about this because if someone walks out of an operation it is detrimental both to the safety of the patient and the training the junior is receiving."

Maybe they need a rule for patients that they can only get sick in accordance with the Working Time law. It would make about as much sense as the rest of the European Union's asinine rules do.