Ram Jam

I always did wonder why sheep like to flock together.

SCIENTISTS are conducting experiments to change the sexuality of "gay" sheep in a programme that critics fear could pave the way for breeding out homosexuality in humans.

The technique being developed by American researchers adjusts the hormonal balance in the brains of homosexual rams so that they are more inclined to mate with ewes.

Ir raises the prospect that pregnant women would one day be offered a treatment to reduce or eliminate the chance that their offspring will be homosexual. Experts say that, in theory, the "straightening" procedure on humans could be as simple as a hormone supplement for mothers-to-be, worn on the skin like an anti-smoking nicotine patch.

No more lesbians? That'll kill off the porn business faster than you can shear a sheep.

I Dream Of Djinn

I'm guessing none of these guys look like Barbara Eden.

THERE is a cleft in a stone hill outside Qardho, in northern Somalia, which even the hardest gunmen and frankincence merchants avoid. In the cool dark, out of the bleached sunshine, there is a pit, a kind of Alice in Wonderland rabbit hole, which is said to swirl down into the world of jinn. Locals say jinn-genies, that is-fade in and out above the pit. Sometimes they shift into forms of ostriches and run out over the desert scrub.

The Bible holds that God created andels and then made man in his own image. The Koran states that Allah fashioned angels from light and them made jinn from smokeless fire. Man was formed later, out of clay. Jinn disappointed Allah, not least by climbing to the highest vaults of the sky and eavesdropping on the angels. Yet Allah did not annihilate them. No flood closed over their heads. Jinn were willed into existence, like man, to worship Allah and were preserved on earth for that purpose, living in a parallel world, set at such an angle that jinn can see men, but men cannot see jinn.

Less educated Muslims remain fearful of jinn. Hardly a week passes in the Muslin world without a strange story concerning them. Often the tales are foolish and melancholy. In August, for instance, Muslims in the Kitandwa district of central Uganda grew feverish over reports of jinn haunting and raping women in the district. So when a woman stumbled out of the forest one day, unkempt and deranged, she was denounced as a jinn. Villagers beat her almost to death. Police finished the job with six bullets at close range. The young woman called out for her children in her last moments. An investigation revealed her to be from a neighbouring district. She had spent days without food or water, searching for her missing husband. Editorials in Ugandan newspapers called on the government formally to deny the existence of jinn.

I don't deny the existence of jinn. It goes great with vermouth.

Crash And Burn

Is The Beast bottoming out already?

THE first vote is still more than a year away, but the campaign to replace President George W Bush in the White House is already throwing up surprises.

Unfortunately for Senator Hillary Clinton, long the front-runner in the Democratic drive to retake the presidency, most of them are coming at her expense.

A brace of Christmas opinion polls has left Clinton with a political hangover after a year that had appeared to cement her status as the Democrats' best-organised, best-financed and best-connected contender for her party's presidential nomination.

(Snip) Clinton has been virtually invisible as first Obama and then Edwards-who launched his second presidential bid on thursday in the back garden of a New Orleans house ruined by Hurricane Katrina-have been grabbing campaign headlines.

I say let one of the pretty boys have the nomination. Empty suits are at their best when they think somebody's coming to fill them.

Wait Your Turn (Or Else)

Only socialists could be this anal.

A hospital has lost nearly 2.5m pounds worth of funding because it treated too many patients.

Nurses and doctors at Ipswitch Hospital had done so well in meeting their waiting lists targets they breached an agreement on how soon people saw consultants.

Some patients were seen within a week rather than the agreed minimum 122 days.

It decided the extra work was too costly and refused to pay the 2.5m pound bill-Ipswitch Hospital is already 16m in the red.

A hospital spokeswoman described the episode as a "local glitch" and said it had no significant implications for hospitals nationally or for NHS finding.

She explained the arrangement was thought to be the best way to ensure no one jumped queues and everyone was waiting a similar length of time.

It's obviously the patients' fault that their health wouldn't conform to The Plan. The Nanny State hates it when life screws up their schedule like that.

He's Dead-Get Over Yourselves

Oh, please. This from the same people who gave the world the Crusades and the Inquisition?

VATICAN CITY-The Vatican on Saturday denounced Saddam Hussein's execution as "tragic" and said it risked fueling revenge and new violence in Iraq.

"An execution is always tragic news, reason for sadness, even in the case of a person who is guilty of grave crimes," the Holy See's spokesman, Rev. Federico Lombardi, said in a statement released by the Vatican press office.

Earlier in the morning, Lombardi made similar comments on Vatican Radio.

"The position of the Catholic Church-against the death penalty-has been reiterated many times," the spokesman said in the statement, referring to the Vatican's overall opposition to capital punishment.

Well, I'll bet the folks who were burned at the stake will be glad to know that.

On Second Thought...

I'm sure this was an honest mistake.

In a highly unusual move, Sen. Barbara Boxer of California has rescinded an award to an Islamic activist in her home state because of the man's connections to a major American Muslim organization that recently has been courted by leading political figures and even the FBI.

Boxer's office confirmed to NEWSWEEK that she has withdrawn a "certificate of accomplishment" to Sacramento activist Basim Elkarra after learning that he serves as an official with the Council on American-Islamic Relaitions (CAIR). After directing her staff to look into CAIR, Boxer "expressed concern: about some past statements and actions by the group, as well as assertions by some law enforcement officials that it "gives aid to international terrorist groups," according to Natlalie Ravitz, the senator's press spokeswoman.

CAIR, which has 32 offices around the country and bills itself as the leading Muslim-American civil-rights group, has never been charged with any crimes, nor have any of its top leaders. But a handful of individuals who have had ties to CAIR in the past have been convicted or deported for financial dealings with Hamas-another reason cited by Boxer for her action. The senator directed her staff to withdraw the certificate-which she routinely gives to community leaders in California-and asked that a statement she had previously made endorsing CAIR be stricken from the group's Web site, Ravitz said in an e-mail.

Well, it's a start. Now if she would only distance herself from the rest of the traitors she hangs out with...

Hang 'Em High

Well, here we are at last.

The official witnesses to Saddam Hussein's impending execution gathered Friday in Baghdad's fortified Green Zone in final preperation for his hanging, as state television broadcast footage of his regime's atrocities.

The Iraqi government readied all the necessary documents, including a "red card"-an execution order introduced during Saddam's dictatorship. As the hour of his death approached, Saddam received two of his half brothers in his cell on thursday and was said to have given them his personal belongings and a copy of his will.

(snip) An adviser to Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki said Saddam would be executed before 6 a.m. Saturday, or 10 p.m. Friday EST. The time was agreed upon during a meeting between U.S. and Iraqi officials, said the adviser, who declined to be named because he is not authorized to speak to the media.

Saddam is about to become a human pinata. For Cindy Sheehag, for uber-creep Ramsey Clark, for Michael Mooron and all the rest, this one's for you. I hope you choke on it as much as Saddam will be choking on his rope.

UPDATE:

He's dead, Jim.

Saddam Hussein was hanged at dawn today in Baghdad for crimes against humanity, a dramatic end for the deposed dictator who ruled Iraq in a 30-year reign of terror.

The execution took place in front of official witnesses including Iraqi politicians, representatives of the coalition, and family members at around 6am local time (3am GMT) this morning.

However one might feel about the handling of the Iraq war, this is a great day for the Iraqi people and for humanity. Rot in hell, you POS.

Delaying The Inevitable

The begging has begun.

AMMAN, Jordan-Saddam Hussein's chief lawyer implored world leaders on Thursday to prevent the United States from handing over the ousted leader to Iraqi authorities for execution, saying he should enjoy protection from his enemies as a "prisoner of war."

Iraq's highest court on Tuesday rejected Saddam's appeal against his conviction and death sentence for the killing of 148 Shiites in the northern city of Dujail in 1982. The court said the former president should be hanged within 30 days.

"According to the international conventions, it is forbidden to hand a prisoner of war to his adveresary," Saddam's lawyer Khalil al-Dulaimi said.

"I urge all the international and legal organizations, the United Nations secretary-general, the Arab League and all the leaders of the world to rapidly prevent the American administration from handing the president to the Iraqi authorities," he told The Associated Press.

Too little, too late. Your client is going to get strung up like a pinata, and then hopefully used like one by his people.

Hey Stoopid

Okay, now my head hurts.

A common parasite can increase a woman's attractiveness to the opposite sex but also make men more stupid, an Australian researcher says.

About 40 per cent of the world's population is infected with Toxoplasma gondii, including about eight million Australians.

Human infection generally occurs when people eat raw or undercooked meat that has cysts containing the parasite, or accidentally ingest some of the parasite's eggs excreted by an infected cat.

Yecch. Fortunately guys have a much simpler way to have the reverse effect on women. It's called beer.

Fat-Bottomed Girls

In America we'd call these chicks plaintiffs and have them sue McDonald's.

Obesity is so revered among Mauritania's white Moor Arab population that the young girls are sometimes fore-fed to obtain a weight the government has described as "life-threatening."

A generation ago, over a third of women in the country were force-fed as children-Mauritania is one of the few African countries where, on average, girls receive more food than boys.

Now only around one in 10 girls are treated this way. The treatment has its roots in fat being seen as a sign of wealth-if a girl was thin she was considered poor, and would not be respected.

Shoot, there are plenty of women here who'd make good wives over there. That is as long as the guy doesn't mind living in a trailer park...

Rotten Apple

I'd say this qualifies as a "D'oh!" moment.

Steve Jobs, chief executive of Apple Computer, was handed 7.5m stock options in 2001 without the required authorization from the comapny's board of directors, according to people familiar with the mattere.

Records that purported to show a full board meeting had taken place to approve Mr Jobs' remuneration, as required by Apple's procedures, were later falsified. These are now among the pieces of evidence being weighed by the Securities and Exchange Commission as it decides whether to pursie a case against the company or any individuals over the affair, according to these people.

Well, it's good to know that Steve is an artist who doesn't care about that evil capitalist money, isn't it?

Pick Me! Pick Me!

They should hold a lottery for this.

An Iraqi judge has rejected Saddam Hussein's appeal and ruled that the former dictator must hang within 30 days. The execution may be controversial, but hundreds of Iraqis want to pull the gallows lever.

The death penalty against Saddam Hussein has survived an appeal in Iraq's highest court and a judge has ordered that the former dicstor to be executed within 30 days. The verdict and the trial have met with criticism around the world, but in Iraq hundreds of people have applied for the job of hangman.

"From tomorrow, any day could be the day of implementation," the chief judge said on Tuesday. Saddam was convicted in early November for his role in the execution of 148 Shiite Muslims from the small northern town of Dujail, after a 1982 assassination attempt.

Shoot, I'd go and do it, but I'd want to bring back his head and I don't have room for it in my freezer.

Unbelievable

Leave it to America's reigning nutcase to somehow link Gerald Ford and the Iraq War.

On the occasion of the death of President Gerald Ford, anti-American activist Cindy Sheehan released a statement today blaming Ford for the war in Iraq and the "deaths of over 3000 American soldiers" in the conflict.

Sheehan, whose son Army Spc. Casey Sheehan was killed in Iraq in 2004, wrote about Ford on BuzzFlash.com, a leftist website.

Sheehan has become the face of the antiwar movement since she started stalking President Bush at his Crawford, Texas ranch in August, 2005. She is currently in Crawford, as is President Bush.

After writing the obligatory condolences on his passing, Sheehan ripped in to Ford:

Usually, burying a 93 year old loved one is sorrowful but, I believe his pardon of Richard Nixon is one of the factors that have led to the untimely deaths of over 3000 American soldiers and hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians in the Middle East. Just this month alone, 91 of our young people have met early, unavoidable, unnecessary and tragic deaths in Bloody George's horrific war.

That's right-a guy who was President thirty years ago and whose actions had nothing to do with the Middle East was responsible for Iraq. Can we please finally find a padded cell for this woman?

The Next Voice You Hear

Welcome to The Village.

It's Saturday night in Middlesbrough, England, and drunken university students are celebrating the start of the school year, known as Fresher's Week.

One picks up a traffic cone and runs down the street. Suddenly, a disembodies voice booms out from above:

"You in the black jacket! Yes, you! Put it back!" The confused student obeys as his friends look bewildered.

"People are shocked when they hear the cameras talk, but when they see everyone else looking at them, they feel a twinge of conscience and comply," said Mike Clark, a spokesman for Middlsbrough Council who recounted the incident. The city has placed speakers in its cameras, allowing operators to chastise miscreants who drop coffee cups, ride bicycles too fast or fight outside bars.

Every good dictatorship knows how to control its pets, er, subjects. Maybe that Vendetta guy was on to something...

King Of The Socialist Castle

Now here's a country that makes San Francisco look like a bastion of conservatism.

Serge Regnier (as some readers may remember) is a 47-year-old Belgian with three wives and thirty children. In 1986 Regnier married Christine Wuest (who is now 38). They have fifteen children, between 19 years and 11 months old. A couple of years later, Christine's homeless sister Karine Wuest (now 35 years old) came to live with the couple. Soon she fell in love with Serge. Christine consented in her husband taking her sister as a second wife. Serge and Karine have six children, between 10 years and 10 months old.

All that time, Serge had been meeting his former girlfriend Judith De Leenheer (now 38 years old). When Judith's marriage broke up-which was not altogether surprising since all her children were Serge's rather than her husband's-Serge asked his two wives weather they would mind taking her in. They did not mind. Serge and Judith have nine children, between 18 years and 10 months old. They all live together in Serge's house in Marcinelle, a town in Wallonia, the French-speaking South of Belgium.

The Belgians call Regnier, a stocky, balding man with a fringe of beard, the "Marcinelle bull." Non-Belgians wonder perhaps how he provides for his large family. Here is the answer.

Regnier applied for and recieved the status of an invalid from Wallonia's generous welfare authorities. He consequently receives a welfare check of over 1,000 euros a month. His three wives are all unemployed. Hence, they each get 800 euros in unemployment benefits. On top of this the family recieves 4,000 euros in child allowances. This makes a grand total of more than 7,400 euros a month ($9,700 or 4,960 pounds)-all of it provided by Belgium's taxpayers. All of the money matters in the household are taken care of by Serge. His wives are only interested in children. They have told the press that they each hope to have another baby in 2007.

Between socialism and unassimilated Islamists, it's getting hard to tell which will kill Europe off faster.

Sharp Left Turns

Well, at least they're consistent.

The Democratic presidential lineup tilted more to the left when former Virginia governor Mark Warner and Indiana Sen. Evan Bayh dropped out of the race for the 2008 nomination, party strategists say.

Both men were prominent advicates for a centrist Democratic agenda on national security and domestic policies. Their withdrawal from a dozen declared and potential candidates left behind a field of almost all liberal contenders for an office Democrats have won in only five out of the last 14 presidential elections.

The result "Could mean a more left-leaning field" of Democrats heading into the 2008 primary contests that will allow liberal candidates to use the rhethric of moderation withoug embracing centrist policies themselves, said former Democratic congressman Tim Penny of Minnesota.

"If you don't have a genuine moderate in the race, it allows liberal candidates to put on the mask of moderation, because there's no certified moderate to compare their rhetoric to reality," said Mr. Penny, a party strategist and a senior fellow at the Hubert H. Humphrey Institute at the University of Minnesota.

At least when Bubba was in charge they could claim the mantle of moderation. If they keep this up, ten years from now Bubba will look like a Republican.

Welcome To Islamia

Oh, isn't this nice.

Speaking in Dearborn late Sunday night, the first Muslim elected to Congress told a cheering crowd of Muslins they should remain steadfast in their faith and push for justice.

"You can't back down. You can't chicken out. You can't be afraid. You got to have faith in Allah, and you've got to stand up and be a real Muslim," Detroit native Keith Ellision said to loud applause.

Many in the crowd replied "Allahu akbar"-God is great.

So it's Muslim first, American second. Gotcha.

Gallows Pole

Sorry, Saddam. You're still going to swing.

BAGHDAD, Iraq-An Iraqi appeals court has upheld the death sentence imposed on Saddam Hussein at his first trial, Iraq's national security adviser said Tuesday, and a tribunal official said the verdict will be carried out even if the presidency doesn't ratify it.

"The appeals court approved the verdict to hang Saddam," Mouwafak al-Rubaie told The Associated Press.

On Nov. 5, an Iraq court sentenced Saddam to the gallows for the 1982 killings of 148 people from a Shiite Muslim town after an attempt on his life there.

Say hi to your two hellspawn when you get there, Saddam. Hasta la vista!

Rout Of Africa

It looks like the tide is turning in at least one front in the war against Islamism.

Islamist fighters retreated Tuesday as Somali government and Ethiopian troops advanced on three fronts in a decisive turn in the battle for control of this Horn of Africa nation.

Somalia's internationally backed government called on the Council of Islamic Courts to surrender and promised amnesty if they lay down their weapons, spokesman Abdirahman Dinari said from Baidoa, the seat of the interim administration.

Ethiopian Prime Minister Meles Zenawi, whose military openly joined the war Sunday after weeks of quietly aiding the Somali government, said his forces had completed about half their mission.

It sounds like the Ethipoians and Somalians actually know how to fight a war. I wish I could say the same for our own administration.

Viva Las Loser

This makes perfect sense.

MICHAEL JACKSON is planning a pop comeback by starring in a glitzy show in Las Vegas.

Jacko, 48, whose mega-bucks deal could rival Celine Dion's 150million Vegas contract, has jetted back to the US for talks.

Promotor Jack Wishna, who is masterminding the singer's comeback, said: "We are working on several projects.

"He is one of the greatest entertainers in the world and is poised to return to the top."

Hmm. An over-the-hill white man trying to make a comeback by sounding black. Hey, it worked for Elvis...

Every Breath You Take

It seems the Bush Administration is going to spend its final years doing its best to be as anal as possible.

The Justice Department is building a massive database that allows state and local police officers around the country to search millions of case files from the FBI, Drug Enforcement Administration and other federal law enforcement agencies, according to Justice officials.

The system, know as "One DOJ," already holds approximately 1 million case recores and is projected to triple in size over the next three years, Justice officials said. The files include investigative reports, criminal-history information, details of offenses, and the names, addresses and other information of criminal suspects and targets, officials said.

The database is billed by its supporters as a much-needed step toward better information-sharing along with local law enforcement agencies, which have long complained about a lack of cooperation from the federal government.

But civil-liberties and privacy advocates say the scale and contents of such a database raise immediate privacy and civil rights concerns, in part because tens of thousands of local police officers could gain access to personal details about people who have not been arrested or charged with crimes.

If people are scared of the idea of President Hillary, they can thank her predecessor for making that fear possible if she gets the job.

Laying Out The Welcome Mat

And to think some people thought spineless jellyfish were worth reelecting.

Counting on the support of the new Democratic majority in Congress, Democratic lawmakers and their Republican allies are working on leasures that could place millions of illegal immigrants on a more direct path to citzenship than would a bill that the Senate passed in the spring.

The lawmakers are considering abandoning a requirement in the Senate bill that would compel several million illegal immigrants to leave the United States before becoming elegible to apply for citizenship.

The lawmakers are also considering denying financing for 700 miles of fencing along the border with Mexico, a law chanpioned by republicans that passed with significant Democratic support.

We all knew the Dims would do something like this. It's just too bad that the Republicans seem to think that folding like a cheap tent is the way to go.

Big Momma's House

Forget about Big Brother. Meet Big Mother.

"We've never had a mother who ever ran or was elected president..."

That was Hillary Clinton speaking earlier this week, when she appeared on the television show The View. Don't think for a minite that she was just making an interesting historical observation. No, Hillary doesn't work that way. She never says or does anything that hasn't been perfectly scripted and endlessly polled beforehand. She had a message, a new strategy to try out. So look for the new 'Mom Strategy' to be the anchor of her presidential run.

Forget Soccer Moms and Security Moms; now it's going to be all Moms all the time-with Hillary as the biggest Mom of all.

Just what we need. Your mother, the Ultimate Nanny.

"Gentlemen, We Can Rebuild Him"

He said he'd be back.

California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger returned to the state Monday for surgery after breaking his leg in an Idaho skiing accident over the weekend, a spokeswoman said.

Schwarzenegger will undergo non-emergency sugery Tuesday morning to repair his fractured right femur, which he broke while skiing with his family in Sun Valley, Idaho, on Saturday, spokeswoman Sabrina Demayo Lockhart said.

The procedure will use cables and screws to secure the governor's upper right thigh bone, said Dr. Kevin Ehrhart, the orthopedic surgeon performing the surgery at an undisclosed hospital in Los Angeles.

All well and good, but then they have to destroy the chip in his CPU...

Living In America

Soul Brother Number One has gone to that great gig in the sky.

ATLANTA (AP)-James Brown, the undeniable "Godfather of Soul," told friends from his hospital bed that he was looking forward to performing on New Year's Eve, even though he was ill with pneumonia. His hearg gave out a few hours later, on Christmas morning.

The pompadoured dynamo whose classic singles include "Papa's Got A Brand New Bag" and "I Got You (I Feel Good)" died Monday of heart failure, said his agent, Frank Copsidas of Intrigue Music. He was 73.

"People already know his history, but I would like for them to know he was a man who preached love from the stage," said friend Charles Bobbit, who was with Brown at the hospital. "His thing was 'I never saw a person that I didn't love.' He was a true humanitarian who loved his country."

He had soul; he was superbad. R.I.P. to the hardest working man in show business.

Happy Birthday Jesus

MERRY XMAS, HO, HO, HO!

Season Of Belief

While creationism gets a deserved drubbing (see below), let's hope that real free speech prevails as we remember whose birthday we're celebrating.

A high school student whose commencement speech was cut off when she spoke about her Christian faith will have her case heard in a federal court.

A federal judge in Nevada ruled Monday that a debate over freedom of religious expression in public school commencement ceremonies wull go to court.

The charges stem from a June 15 incident at Foothill High School in Henderson, Nevada, when school administrators cut off valedictorian Brittany McComb's commencement speech after she strayed from a pre-approved script. Earlier, they had removed from her speech references to the Bible and her faith.

We're getting to the point where if you say "God bless you" when somebody sneezes, you could get arrested. Welcome to your politically correct graduation, kids.

Sticker Shock

How stupid was the original idea? I actually agree with the ACLU.

ATLANTA-A suburban school board that put stickers in high school science books saying evolution is "a theory, not a fact" abandoned its legal battle to keep them Tuesday after four years.

The Cobb County board agreed in federal court never to use a similar sticker or to undermine the teaching of evolution in science classes.

In return, the parents who sued over the stickers agreed to drop all legal action.

"We certainly think that it's a win not just for our clients but for all students in Cobb County and, really, all residents of Georgia," said Beth Littrell of the American Civil Liberties Union.

Only rabid creationist whackjobs-you know, the kind who would vote for a guy like Bush-could get me to agree with the ACLU on anything. Which goes to show how much they go against the grain of actual conservatism.

Let's Make A Deal

I was right! Bush is a Christian Socialist!

THE White House is expected to announce a reconstruction package for Iraq as part of a plan for a "surge" of up to 30,000 troops into Baghdad when President Bush unveils America's new strategy next month.

Bush is being urged to give up $10 billion to Iraq as part of a "New Deal" that would create work for unemployed Iraqis, following the model of President Franklin D Roosevelt during the 1930s depression.

Can you imagine how the GOP would scream if he tried something like that here at home...oh, wait. He's already a big government spender and they didn't say squat. Never mind!

Their Day In Court

I hope Kofi's on these folks' list.

NEW YORK (AP)-Iraqi citizens filed a $200 million lawsuit Friday against a prominent European bank and an Australian wheat exporter, saying they were cheated out of humanitarian goods when the companies permitted the U.N. oil-for-food program to be corrupted.

The lawsuit, brought by seven Iraqi individuals seeking class-action status on behalf of northern Iraqis, said the bank, BNP Paribas, and AWB Limited, the largest humanitarian goods provider under the oil-for-food program, cheated the citizens of Iraq from June 10, 1999, to June 3, 2003.

The suit, in U.S. District Court in Manhattan, seeks at least $200 million in damages under the federal Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act, the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act and the International Emergency Economic Powers Act.

Considering how crooked the U.N. is, I'm surprised something like this didn't happen a long time ago. More power to them.

Silent Night, Smokey Night

Jingle Bells, Nutcase Smells, burning all the way...

BAKERSFIELD, Calif.-A man used flammable liquid to light himself on fire, apparently to protest a San Joaquin Valley school district's decision to change the names of winter and spring breaks to Christmas and Easter vacation.

The man, who was not immediately identified, on Friday also set fire to a Christmas tree, an American flag and a revolutionary flag replica, said Fire Captain Garth Milam.

Seeing the flames, Sheriff's Deputy Lance Ferguson grabbed a fire extinguisher and ran to the man.

Flames were devouring a Christmas tree next to the Liberty Bell, where public events and demonstrations are common.

Santa would have given the guy a lump of coal in his stocking, but the idiot turned himself into one first.

Take That, Iran

I'm sure this will have Abby Dinnerjacket shaking in his boots.

The United Nations Security Council has unanimously voted to impose sanctions against Iran over its failure to halt uranium enrichment.

The sanctions ban the supply of nuclear-related technology and materials and impose an asset freeze on key individuals and companies.

The US representative warned that Iran's pursuit of nuclear weapons would make it less, not more, secure.

Iran says its programme is for peaceful purposes and has vowed to continue.

Not to worry. The U.N. has a stack of angry letters fired up and ready to go.

We Wish You A Merry Gitmo

What, no panties?

It's a well-established tradition for Americans at home to deliver Christmas cheer to U.S. soldiers stationed around the world, but it turns out that prisoners held in the War on Terror are getting good tidings of their own, too.

The 400 or so detainees at Joint Task Force detention facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, have received approximately 500 holiday greeting cards, said Army Col. Lora Tucker, a spokeswoman for the prison.

She said she did not know the faith content of the cards sent to the mainly Muslim detention population, because "Once it goes to the detainee, it's the detainee's mail."

I wonder if they got mine. It's a picture of the Prophet looking at my middle finger.

The Mob Rules

Sounds like somebody's a tad jealous.

Blogs are very important these days. Even Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has one. The invention of the Web log, we are told, is as tranformative as Gutenberg's press, and has shoved journalism into a reformation, perhaps a revolution.

The ascendancy of Internet technology did bring with it innovations. Information is more conveniently disseminated, and there's more of it, because anybody can chip in. There's more "choice"--and in a sense, more democracy. Folks on the WWW, conservatives especially, boast about how the alternative media corrodes the "MSM," for mainstream media, a term redolent with unfairness and elitism.

The blogs are not as significant as their self-endeared curators would like to think. Journalism requires journalists, who are at least fiftully confronting the digital age. The bloggers, for their part, produce minimal reportage. Instead, they ride along with the MSM like remora fish on the bellies of sharks, picking at the scraps.

Well, there's no elitism there, is there? Spoken like a true dinosaur that doesn't know it's extinct yet.

Party Time

It's her party and you're not invited.

Nancy Pelosi is marking her ascension to the Speaker of the House post with a four-day celebration befitting a presidential inauguration.

"This is a big deal," the California Democrat's spokesman Brendon Daly declared. "We've never had a woman Speaker before."

The day after New Year's Day, Pelosi will visit Baltimore's Little Italy neighborhood, where she grew up as the daughter and sister of Baltimore mayors. She will visit St. Leo the Great Catholic Church and then eat dinner with her estended family at an Italian restaurant, the Washington Post reports.

I just hope they hide the booze when Ted Kennedy shows up.

"What Do You Mean, 'We?'"

I'm sure Nancy Pelosi feels proud right now.

Al Qaeda has sent a message to the leaders of the Democratic party that credit for the defeat of congressional Republicans belongs to the terrorists.

In a portion of the tape from al Qaeda No. 2 man, Ayman al Zawahri, made available only today, Zawahri says he has two messages for American Democrats.

"The first is that you aren't the ones who won the midterm elections, nor are the Republicans the ones who lost. Rather, the Mujahideen--the Muslim Ummah's vanguard in Afghanistan and Iraq--are the ones who won, and the American forces and their Crusader allies are the ones who lost," Zawahri said, according to a full transcript obtained by ABC news.

Don't feel bad, Nancy. Chin up, Harry Reid. The rest of us know you deserve just as much credit.

Crash And Burn

Nifong is so done.

The district attorney dropped rape charges Friday against the three Duke University lacrosse players after the stripper who accused them changed her story again. But the men still face kidnapping and sex charges that could bring more than 30 years in prison.

A lawyer for one of the athleste bitterly demanded that District Attorney Mike Nifong drop the remaining counts, accusing him of offering shifting theories of the crime in an attempt to win the case at any cost.

"It's now the shifting shands again, the shifting factual theory," defense attorney Joseph Cheshire said. He added: "It is the ethical duty of a district attorney not to win a case, not to prosecute all cases, but to see that justice is done."

Nifong is more screwed than his so-called victim was.

Back Off, Senor

Oh, bite me.

SAN ANTONIO, Texas (Reuters)-U.S. Hispanic groups and activists on Thursday called for a moratorium on workplace raids to round up illegal immigrants, saying they were reminiscent of Nazi crackdowns on Jews in the 1930s.

They accused the Department of Immigration and Customs Enforcement of "racial profiling," or selective enforcement against Hispanics, for arresting 1,300 workers on immigration violations on December 12 raids at meatpacking plants in 12 states.

"We are demanding an end to these immigration raids, where they are targeting brown faces. That is major, major racial profiling, and that cannot be tolerated," said Rosa Rosales, president of the League of United Latin American Citizens, at a news conference.

Hmmm. It seems "Racial profiling" is pretty easy to do when 90 percent of your workers are from south of the border.

This Means War!

Two of the biggest egos on the planet are going at it.

NEW YORK, NY (December 20, 2006)-Donald Trump is set to sue "The View" host Rosie O'Donnell, Access Hollywood can reveal.

Earlier this afternoon Trump announcee he is filing suit against the TV talk show host. "She says things that come to her mouth, she's not smart, she's crude, she's ignorant and to be honest I look forward to suing Rosie," he told our cameras. "I'm gonna sue her and I look forward to it. She's really very dangerous for the show."

Trump declined to elaborate on the details of his proposed legal filings, but added O'Donnell will understand his reasoning. "Rosie will find out what we're suing her for. She knows what we're suing her for," he said adding the lawsuit is already in the works. "It's something I look very forward to," he added.

The Donald's hair had no comment and directed all inquiries toward its own attorneys.

An Offer They Can't Refuse

Once a gangster, always a gangster.

All eyes will now turn to BP's Russian joint venture, TNK-BP, which is already coming under increased scrutiny from the Kremlin.

In the latest episode, the head of the federal subsoil agency RosNedra, Anatoly Ledovskikh, has said that TNK-BP must accomodate Gazprom's refusal to let it build a pipeline into China.

"This is not an objective reason to change the liscencing agreement... I very much hope that TNK-BP and Gazprom reach an agreement. They have no choice," he said.

I guess it's true: You can't teach an old Soviet dog new tricks.

What's In A Name?

Welcome to the British Caliphate.

Mohammed, and its most common alternative spelling Muhammad, are now more popular babies' names in England and Wales than George, reflecting the diverse ethnic mix of the population.

The Office for National Statistics said there were 2,833 baby boys called Mohammed in 2006.

The name is 22nd in the list of most popular boys' names, moving up a place from last year.

All I can say is I hope the Brits like living under Sharia law in the next twenty years.

Pinch Me

Seriously, how stupid are we getting as a society?

HAGERSTOWN-A kinergarten student was accused earlier this month of sexually harassing a classmate at Lincolnshire Elementary School, an accusation that will remain on his record until he moves to middle school.

Washington County Public Schools spokeswoman Carol Mowen said the definition of sexual harassment used by the school systen is, "unwelcome sexual advances, request for sexual favors and/or inappropriate verbal, written or physical conduct of a sexual nature directed toward others."

Mowen said that definition comes from the Maryland State Department of Education.

According to a school document provided by the boy's father, the 5-year-old pinched a girl's buttocks on Dec. 8 in a hallway at the school south of Hagerstown.

Yes, he's well on the road to becoming a sexual predator, isn't he? God forbid he should pull somebody's pigtails.

The Hit Parade

Remember when colleges actually, you know, taught real stuff insteat of junk?

HERNDON, VA-As college costs soar through the roof-averaging above $31,000 a year for tuition, room & board-today's college students study adultery, the male genital, and Native American feminism. The Dirty Dozen highlights the most bizzare and troubling instances of leftist activism supplanting traditional scholarship in our nation's colleges and universities.

The growth of these courses gobbles up tons of money and resources and ignores scholarship from conservatives. For instance, books and speeches from the late Milton Friedman and Ambassador Jean Kirkpatrick are rarely studied in the classroom, yet leftist works are prevalent in college classrooms nationwide. Scores of courses were researched from hundreds of the nation's leading schools. The Dirty Dozen is tje worst or the worst. This year, we have also included a dishonorable mentions category-courses that could've easily made the list.

By all means, check it out. I for one can see where gay musicology and lesbian pulp fiction could come in handy for New Feminist Men, can't you?

Their Fair Share

The next time some liberal complains about how much money the wealthiest people in this country have, remind them that they're paying for it, too.

Maybe liberals are onto something. They keep saying the rich should pay more taxes, and it turns out the rich already are! That's one of the valuable lessons from the IRS's annual study of income tax data, just released for 2004, says the Wall Street Journal.

• Americans who earned more than $1 million in adjusted gross income paid $178 billion, or an average of $740,000 per filer, in income taxes in 2004.
• That's up about one-third from 2002, the year before the Bush tax cuts in marginal income-tax and dividend and capital gains rates.
• The wealthiest 1 percent of tax filers paid a remarkable 35 percent of all individual income-tax payments that year.

Some will claim that this merely shows that the Bush tax cuts made the rich richer. In fact, the Statistics of Income data reveal that there were more Americans filing taxes in every income category from $50,000 and up in 2004. In other words, Americans across income categories were (and are) making more money thanks to the buoyant economy spurred in part by the tax cut.

The tax cuts are one thing that Bush got right. The concept of letting people get back some of their own money is always too simple for liberals to understand.

Dear Abby: We're Thinking Of You

Hey! Abby Dinnerjacket has a fan club! (Snicker, snicker)!

COPENHAGEN (Reuters)-A Danish art group that pokes fun at world leaders targeted Iranian President Mahmoud Ahnadenijad on Wednesday by placing an advertisement in a Tehran newspaper with an insulting hidden message.

Beneath a picture of the president, a series of apparently sympathetic statements were arranged such as "Support his fight against Bush" and "Iran has the right to produce nuclear energy". The advert was attributed to "Danes for World Peace".

However, the first letters of each phrase, when read from top to bottom, spell out "S-W-I-N-E."

OK, so it's not all that original. But then, neither is Abby Dinnerjacket.

Dos Bushes Si, Tres No

He really is the "Smart one."

MIAMI (Reuters)-The shadow of President Bush seemed to loom large over his younger brother on Wednesday, as the outgoing Florida governor ruled out any plans to terutn to elected office.

"No tengo futuro (I have no future)," Jeb Bush told Spanish-language reporters in Miami, when asked about any possible political ambitions after he steps down next month.

The popular, two-term governor has often been touted as a savvy politician with a good chance of following both his brother and father, George H.W. Bush, into the White House.

But the unpopularity and dismal job-approval ratings of his brother may have scuttled any plans Jeb Bush may have had for a future in politics after running one of America's most crucial swing states for the past eight years.

Good. No more Bushes. Please.

Institutions Of Higher Discrimination

The ACLU's true colors are showing.

This is what happens when you care more about group identity politics than the US Constitution.

From the horse's mouth: ACLU, NAACP File Lawsuit to Allow University of Michigan Admissions Programs to Continue

-Detroit-Filing a lawsuit today on behalf of 19 students, faculty and applicants to the University of Michigan, a coalition of civil rights groups including the American Civil Liberties Union and the NAACP, are asking a federal court to declare that the newly passed Proposal 2 has not changed the Supreme Court's view, stated as recently as 2003, that it is constitutionally permissible for universities to consider race and gender as one factor among many in university admissions.-

The ACLU. Where some animals are more equal than others.

Changing Strategery

It depends on what the meaning of not losing is.

President Bush acknowledged for the first time yesterday that the United States is not winning the war in Iraq and said he plans to expand the overall size of the "stressed" U.S. armed forces to meet the challenges of a long-term global struggle against terrorists.

As he searches for a new strategy for Iraq, Bush has now adopted the formula advanced by his top military adviser to describe the situation. "We're not winning, we're not losing," Bush said in an interview with The Washington Post. The assessment was a striking reversal for a president who, days before the Novemher elections, declardd, "Absolutely, we're winning."

Well, it only took him two or three years to figure this out. If he was allowed to stay in office longer, Bush might actually have another two or three years to waste claiming he's going to get it done.

The Pill Police

Apparently Uncle Sam isn't satisfied with the progress of the anti-stupidity campaign.

WASHINGTON (AP)-Federal health officials on Tuesday proposed sterner warning labels for acetaminophen, aspirin and ibuprofen, again cautioning millions of Americans who take the nonprescription pain relievers regularly of pitentially serious side effects.

The over-the-counter drugs remain safe and effective when used as directed, the Food and Drug Administration said. However, overdoses of acetaminophen can cause serious liver damage, even death, the FDA said.

For aspirin, ibuprofen and other nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs, there is a risk of gastrointestinal bleeding and kidney injury even when patients take the correct dose. The drugs are linked to thousands of deaths a year. The FDA said the risk is rare when compared with the number of patients who take the drugs.

Remember, until death can be banned, the government is going to have to do the next best thing. After all, it's for our own good whether we like it or not.

Railroad Job

They're completely innocent. Naturally the ROP had to frame them.

A court convicted five Bulgarian nurses and a Palestenian doctor Tuesday of deliberately infecting 400 children with HIV and sentenced them to death, despite scientific evidence the youngsters had the virus before the medical workers came to Libya

The United States and Europe reacted with outrage to the verdict, which prolongs a case that has hurt Libya's ties to the West. The six co-defendants already have served seven years in jail.

Earlier this month, an analysis of HIV and hepatitis virus samples taken from some of the children concluded the viral strains were circulating at the hospital where they were treated well before the nurses and doctor arrived in March 1998, according to research published in the journal Nature.

Ah, the sophistication of Muslim culture...sad to think that this part of the world was once far ahead of the West when it came to medicine.

Read My Lips: Maybe

See what happens when you don't mind the store?

The Bush administration has sent signals since last month's elections that the president is prepared to accept some tax increased on upper-income families, worrying congressional Republicans and fiscal conservative watchdogs who say he will compromise with Democrats to win a legacy accomplishment.

These moves come even as Democrats have pledged to rein in earmarks, winning praise from some conservative groups that are criticizing Mr. Bush.

The watchdog groups have been demanding that the president repeat his earlier pledges not to raise taxex in order to reform Social Security. But the White House has refused, with officials saying everything is on the table, including tax increases.

Well this should make "True conservatives" feel good all over. Aren't you glad Bush wasted all that time trying to keep those durn queers from marrying?

I, Robot Lawyer

Shades of The Matrix.

The next time you beat your keyboard in frustration, think of a day where it may be able to sue you for assault. Within 50 years we might even find ourselves standing next to the next generation of vacuum cleaners in the voting booth.

Far from being extracts from the extreme end of science fiction, the idea that we may one day give sentient machines the kind of rights traditionally reserved for humans is raised in a British government-commissioned report which claims to be an extensive look into the future.

Visions of the status of robots around 2056 have emerged from one of 270 forward-looking papers sponsored by Sir David King, the UK government's chief scientist. The paper covering robots' rights was written by a UK partnership of Outsights, the management consultancy, and Ipsos Mori, the opinion research organisation.

Hmm, we may be able to nip that nasty Cylon revolt in the bud...

The Thetans Are Coming

Remember, this is what B-actors and has-beens really believe.

EX-Spice Girl Victoria Beckham is reportedly set to star in Tom Cruise's new Scientology film as an alien bride.

Britain's Daily Star newspaper reports that the wife of football star David Beckham has apprently been lined up to play the alien bride in The Thetan-based on the religion, which believes in alien life forms.

The Daily Star reported that Victoria-who Cruise has described as a "comic genius"- is said to be "thrilled" about getting her big Hollywood break.

Yeah, but what about Chef? He gave his life for the Super Adventure Club!

Broken Hearted Bono

He still hasn't found what he's looking for.

Meetings in Washington last Thursday between rock star Bono and Democrats, including Senate leader Harry Reid of Nevada, yielded a nice photo-op but not much else, according to Bono.

Bono, the U2 frontman and anti-poverty activist, was on Capitol Hill to seek assurances that $1 billion in planned U.S. spending to fight AIDS and malaria in Africa would not be lost if Congress freezes agency budgets in the coming year.

Bono said he also was seeking to close a "commitment gap" between what President Bush has requested for anti-poverty efforts and what Congress has agreed to spend in the past.

After meetings with incoming Senate Majority Leader Reid, House Speaker-to-be Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., and Democrats on the House Appropriations Committee, Bono said he came away empty-handed.

"I'm alarmed we could not get a commitment from the Democratic leadership to prevent the loss of $1 billion in the continuing resolution," Bono said Thursday in a statement.

They're Democrats. What was he expecting?

On A Sunny Afternoon

Britain is rethinking the welfare state.

In a sharp escalation of attempts to tackle the "can work won't work" culture, John Hutton, the Work and Pensions Secretary, will target the 100,000 people who have spenc six of the past seven years on benefit and ask whether they should be supported by "hard-working tax-paying families."

In a speech to the Institute for Public Policy Research, Mr Hutton will announce a wide-ranging reveiw of the Welfare-to-Work system. His move is certain to inflame the Labour Left.

(snip) He believes that those repeatedly returning to the register of claimants and who have no big physical or health barriers to working, and live in areas where there is no shortage of vacancies, should be tackled.

A small measure of common sense coming out of socialist Britain. Will wonders never cease?

Don't Tax Me In

Who knew? Apparently even some Europeans get it when it comes to junk politics vs. reality.

The European Union's trade commissioner will on Monday dismiss French proposals for a "green" tax on goods from countries that have not ratified the Kyoto treaty as not only a probable breach of trade rules but also "not good politics."

Peter Mendelson says that the levy, aiming to cancel the competitive advantage of countries that are not cutting carbon emissions to fight global warming, would be "highly problematic under World Trade Organisation rules and almost impossible to implement in practice."

The proposals are gathering support after Gunter Verheugen, industry commissioner, backed the idea after it was separately proposed by an advisory group of EU government officials and industry leaders he co-chairs.

"Not participating in the Kyoto process is not illegal. Nor is it a subsidy under WTO rules," Mr. Memdelson will warn in a podcast speech to 50,000 subscribers. "How would we choose what goods to target? China has ratified Kyoto but has no Kyoto targets because of its developing country status. The US has not ratified but states like California have ambitious climate change policies."

Al Gore will not be pleased. He was so counting on economic reality not intruding on his vision for Utopia.

The Case Of The Rancid Rabbi

I can be tough on the religious right. But the left has more than its share of whackos to make up for it.

A BRITISH rabbi who angered fellow Jews by speaking at a "Holocaust denial" conference in Iran now says millions did die in gas chambers but may have deserved it.

Ahron Cohen, an Orthodox Jew from Greater Manchester and a leading member of the anti-Zionist Neturei Karta movement, sparked new controversy on his return from Tehran by suggesting that God would have saved the victims of the Nazis if they had deserved to live.

Cohen, whose house in Salford was pelted with 1,000 eggs last year because of his extremist views, told The Sunday Times: "There is no question that there was a Holocaust and gas chambers. There are too many eywitnesses.

"However, our approach is that when one suffers, the one who perpetrates the suffering is obviously guilty but he will never succeed if the victim did not deserve it in one way or another."

Well, I guess when this moron gets the crap kicked out of him one day, he shouldn't complain then, should he?

Get Down Tonight

Who says Muslims don't know how to have fun?

KOTA BARU: No alchohol served, no mingling or dancing between men and women, and no showing of auret (body parts that must be covered). Welcome to Islamic disco, according to Pas.

Kelantan Menteri Besar Datuk Nik Abdul Aziz Nik Mat has given the green light for the setting up of discos in the State, as long as Islamic rules-as stipulated by the Pas-led government-are adhered to.

He said he was not opposed to dancing in discos but it must be between members of the same sex.

"I do not see any reason to forbid them (discos operating under Islamic regulations). This is because dancing is just a form of body movement.

"When dancing is done with the auret covered and there is no inter-mingling, everything should be okay," he said.

I wonder if Mr. Mat knows just how disco got started in the West...

Get Your Game On

It was bound to happen: The religious wingnuts have discovered the power of Playstation.

Like the residents of southern Lebanon, computer gaming executives are used to living under fire. Whether the attackers are irate parents blaming American high school massacres on violent games or self-righteous politicians demanding that explicit sex scenes be removed, it seems that eacn day brings a new controversy.

However, this time the computer game industry is facing a brand new opponent: The liberal and secular Left. At stake is a game called "Left Behind," which is based on the Book of Revelation, or, more specifically, a popular series of religious science fiction-adventure books.

"Left Behind", a strategy game set in a post-apocalyptic world, can be found on the shelves of mainstream stores. Critics are up in arms over its overt Christian missionary content.

The action begins after the world's two billion righteous true-believers have gone straight to Heaven. Those that have been left behind on earth (hence, the name) are the wicked and the nonbelievers, as well as those whose fate is not yet known.

"Left behind" refers to the righteous as the Tribulation Force, an expression derived from the Christian Bible. In contrast, the evil ones, who are led by Satan's son, the so-called Antichrist, are called Peacekeepers. Cynics charge that the latter appellation sounds suspiciously like the United Nations.

Seriously, if Jesus came back, would he use a computer game as a litmus test of who was worthy to be saved? And people wonder why I am skeptical of religion.

Working In A Coal Mine

Once again, this is why I love Western technology.

NEW YORK (Reuters)-When railroads ruled, it was the sweating firemen shoveling coal into the furnace who kept the engines running.

Now, nearly two centuries after Stephenson's "Rocket" steam locomotive helped usher in the Industrial Revolution, that same coal could be the fuel that keeps the jet age aloft.

But with a twist: The planes of the future could be flown with liquid fuel made from coal or natural gas.

Already the United States Air Force has carried out tests flying a B-52 Stratofortress with a coal-based fuel.

Modern science. The cure for camel riders stuck in the Middle Ages.

Homeless For The Holidays

Considering the fact that most of New Jersey's liberal suburbanites wouldn't go near a homeless person if you paid them, this is actually kind of funny.

Some people may have giggled at the idea of a gaggle of homeless men taking over the upscale Short Hills Mall in New Jersey, a stunt staged by radio shock jocks Opie and Anthony and heard by WBCN listeners all weekend. It was tantamount to bringing a bus filled with the bedraggled from Boston Common to sit on Santa's lap at the Chestnut Hill Mall.

But Mayor Thomas N. Menino was not amused in the slightest.

"This so-called 'shopping spree' is a sick and twisted exercise that denegrades the most vilnerable members of our society. This is an outrage. This is wrong, and we need the public and our partners who care about the homeless and about basic human decency to stand up and tell them so," Menino said, adding that the broadcast came on the same day that the city began counting the Hub's homeless.

Gee, I wonder if Hizzonor would be willing to put these poor, vulnerable types up at his place for the holidays. No? I didn't think so.

Ruh-Roh!

Zoinks! Another icon has left us.

LOS ANGELES-Joe Barbera, half of the Hanna-Barbera animation team that produced such beloved cartoon characters as Tom and Jerry, Yogi Bear and the Flintstones, died Monday, a Warner Bros. spokesman said. He was 95.

Barbera died of natural causes at his home with his wife Sheila at his side, Warner Bros. spokesman Gary Miereanu said.

With his longtime partner, Bill Hanna, Barbera first found success creating the highly successful Tom and Jerry cartoons. The antics of the battling cat and mouse went on to win seven Academy Awards, more than any other series with the same characters.

Bedrock and Jellystone National Park are in mourning. It's a sad day for those of us who grew up on all of those cartoons.

An Inconvenient Cow

I'm sure envirowhackos will say this is a load of Bull.

Climate Change: A U.N. report indicates that a major contributor to global warming may be the barnyard animals your kids see at the petting zoo, not the SUV you used to drive them there.

Just when conventional wisdom had settled on your SUV and the Industrial Revolution as the culprits in imminent and disastrous global warming, a 400-page report by the U.N.'s Food and Agricultural Organization identifies emissions from livestock and the world's rapidly growing cattle herds as the greatest contributors to climate change.

Beef. It's what's for pollution.

Shut Up Your Mouth

Jumpin' G. Horsefat!

BEVERLY HILLS, California-Chris Hayward, an Emmy-winning television writer who helped develop the bumbling animated Canadian Mountie Dudley Do-Right and other offbeat characters for the Rocky and Bullwinkle TV show, has died. He was 81.

Hayward died of cancer Nov. 20 at his Beverly Hills home, his wife, Linda, told the Los Angeles Times in Sunday editions.

Hayward contributed satire, wordplay and puns for "Rocky and His Friends," a witty cartoon that built a large adult following. The show debuted on ABC in 1959 and was renamed "The Bullwinkle Show" when it moved to NBC in 1961.

Moose and Squirrel are deeply saddened. R.I.P., Mr. Hayward.

Tuning Out

This will probably give Al Frankenweenie nightmares. I hope so.

"The Voice of Reason" has been silenced.

Beginning today, WHLDM-AM News Talk 1270's short-lived experiment in progressive programming-featuring locally produced broadcasts and syndicated shows from Air America Radio and Pacifica-has been converted to an urban inspirational station.

Brian Brown-Cashdollar, WHLD's president and general manager, said the station's ratings were "respectable" for a start-up station and advertising revenue shot up "tenfold" during the 10-month effort. But ultimately, it was not enough to satisfy investors concerned about cash flow.

In a free society, the free market will trump propaganda every time.

A Drug Cartel Of One

If there's anybody who deserved to be strung up by their gonads, it's these asswipes.

A Midtown strip mall that should have housed the best of the best served as Corruption Central in Tucson.

Two military recruiting stations sit side-by-side there, one run by the Army, the other by the Marines. Between them, a total of seven recruiters were on the take, secretly accepting bribes to transport cocaine, even as most spent their days visiting local high schools.

They had help from several more recruiters at an Army National Guard office, where one recruiter was said to be selling cocaine from the trunk of his recruiting vehicle.

The few, the not so proud, the soon to be somebody's bitch in the slammer.

True To Form

Not that they apparently did much, but the French are calling it quits.

France will withdraw its 200 special forces troops from Afghanistan within weeks, authorities announced Sunday.

The elite soldiers have been serving under U.S. forces in the southeast, battling Taliban and al-Qaeda militants.

The rest of France's contribution in Afghanistan-about 1,100 troops-have been under NATO leadership and stationed in the relatively safe capital, Kabul. French authorities have resisted repeated calls from NATO leaders and individual countries in the coalition, including Canada, for the troops to be deployed in more volatile areas.

Well of course the French are resisting. Why break 200 years of tradition now?

Nancy's Rules

Who said the crushing of dissent was just for those evil conservatives?

House Speaker-to-be Nancy Pelosi (D.-Calif.) has pledged to take up a lobbying reform proposal that would impose new regulations on speech by grassroots organizations, while providing a loophole in the rules for large corporations and labor unions.

The legislation would make changes to the legal definition of "grassroots lobbying" and require any organization that encourages 500 or more members of the general public to contact their elected representatives to file a report with detailed information about their organization to the government on a quarterly basis.

Sounds like they're determined to prove they can be even more authoritarian than the GOP. Which means not a whole lot will change.

Danny Lays The Smack Down

Oh, this is gold. Danny Bonaduce rocks!

Thank You, Ms. Steinem

This proves it: Liberalism really is a mental disorder-or at least causes them.

WASHINGTON, The solution to the extreme psychic distress suffered by so many college women, is not the commonly prescribed anti-depressants Zoloft of Paxil, but sexual continence and religious faith, says a college psychiatrist in her recently published anonymous memoir.

In "Unprotected: A Campus Psychiatrist Reveals How Political Correctness in Her Profession Endangers Every Student," "Dr. Anonymous" wrote that the endemic problems mystifying educators and health professionals, are caused by the politically correct approval of rampant sexual promiscuity that characterizes college life. The book was released this week by Sentinel, a division of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

Young women in college in the US and Canada suffer from an epidemic form of depression, eating disorders and even self-mutiliation and suicidal thoughts and behavior. Campus health professionals, steeped in the politically correct doctrines of sexual "freedom" and feminist theory, fail even to acknowledge the existence of the real cause.

While I don't agree with everything here (college students are going to have sex because they are, well, college students) I think it's safe to say we are seeing the end result of thirty years' worth of feminism. This is Ms. Steinem's legacy.

Is Everybody Happy?

Awww...they care!

NEW YORK (AP)-Congratulations! You are the Time magazine "Person of the Year."

The annual honor for 2006 went to each and every one of us, as Time cited the shift from institutions to individuals-citizens of the new digital democracy, as the magazine put it. The winners this year were anyone using or creating content on the World Wide Web.

"If you choose an individual, you have to justify how that person affcted millions of people," said Richard Stengel, who took over as Time's managing editor earlier this year. "But if you choose millions of people, you don't have to justify it to anyone."

Well, now I feel special. Lucky me...

Potsie's Turn

If not Bayh, then maybe the Breck Girl?

Former Democratic vice presidential nominee John Edwards intends to enter the 2008 race for the White House, two Democratic officials said Saturday.

Edwards, who represented North Carolina in the Senate for six years, plans to make the campaign announcement late this mongth from the New Orleans neighborhood hit hardest by Hurricane Katrina last year and slow to recover from the storm.

The officials spoke on condition of anonymity because they did not want to pre-empt Edwards' announcement.

So he'll be the next to fall to the Hildebeast's campaign meat grinder. That thing must have an appetite for dwarves...

Happy Days

This is guaranteed to drive the fundie crowd up the wall.

President Bush says he is happy for Mary Cheney, the openly gay daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney, who revealed earlier this month that she is pregnant.

"I think Mary is going to be a loving soul to her child," Bush said in an interview with People magazine. "And I'm happy for her."

Bush was asked about Mary Cheney's pregnancy in light of his previous statements that a child ideally should be raised in a family headed by a married father and mother.

White House press secretary Tony Snow said on Friday that Bush has not changed his mond. "But he also believes that every human life is sacred and that every child who comes into this world deserves love," Snow said. "And he believes that Mary Cheney's child will, in fact, have loving parents."

This from the same guy who wanted a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage. See what happens when you bend over for the religious right and then have to back it up?

The Chill Effect

The Queen does not tolerate dissent.

WASHINGTON-Indiana Sen. Evan Bayh will not seek the Democratic nomination for president in 2008, FOX News has learned.

Bayh made the decision despite having made several visits to test states like Iowa and New Hampshire, and raising millions of dollars toward a possible White House run.

FOX News has learned that Bayh raised more than $10 million, making him competitive with other top possible Democratic presidential candidates like New York Senator Hillary Clinton and former North Carolina Senator John Edwards. However, future fundraising considerations may have been a factor as it is believed that Clinton will get a large share of financial support from party backers in 2007.

He's lucky. He could have wound up like so many of the Queen's "Friends" have...

The New Heretics

What's that, you say? The folks behind environmental hysteria might be (gasp!) wrong?

The ocean ecosystems and fish populations aren't as endangered as some researchers claim, University of Hawaii-Manoa fishery scientists report.

The UH group disputes the grim picture presented in recent science journal articles that the ocean ecosystem is on the verge of collapse.

Those findings were based on "cherry-picked" information, John Silbert, manager of the Pelagic Fisheries Research Program at the School of Ocean and Earth Science and Technology, said by e-mail from Apia, Samoa.

"Our methods are more rigorous," he said.

Well, I wonder what the Junk Science Inquisition will have to say about this.

Herman Munster Does Tehran

John-Boy is going on the road.

CAIRO (Reuters)-U.S. Senator John Kerry said on Friday he was willing to go to Tehran to talk to Iranian leaders but would not have time during his current Middle East tour.

"I don't have time and we were not able to make arrangements in the short timespan we had but I would be willing to go," he told reporters in Cairo, the first stop on his tour. Asked if he planned to make a trip later, he said: "At the appropriate time, at some point."

Kerry, the Democratic candidate in the U.S. presidential election in 2004, is pressing the U.S. administration to reverse its policy of setting preconditions for dialogue with Syria and Iran.

He will visit Syria during his trip with fellow Democratic Senator Christopher Dodd. Both are members of the influential Senate Foreign Relations Committee.

It's kind of like Bing Crosby and Bob Hope, except we wish they would stay there.

Bob Bails

It seems that at least one guy has seen the light.

A former Georgia congressman who helped spark President Clinton's impeachment has quit the Republican Party to become a Libertarian, saying he is disillusioned with the GOP on issues such as spending and privacy.

Bob Barr, who served eight years as a Republican congressman before losing his seat in 2002, announced Friday that he is now a "proud, card-carrying Libertarian." And he encouraged others to join him.

"It's something that's been bothering me for quite some time, the direction in which the party has been going more and more toward big government and disregard toward privacy and civil liberties," said Barr, 58, a lawyer and consultant living in Atlanta. "In terms of where the country needs to be going to get back to our constitutional roots...I've come to the conclusion that the only way to do that is to work with a pary that practices what it preaches, and that is the Libertarian Party."

Gee, it's almost as if he thinks that the GOP is going to be left with nothing but Christian Socialists and big spenders...oh, wait.

Mr. Potatohead

According to these goofs, I should have the IQ of a flea.

Frequently dismissed as cranks, their fussy eating habits tend to make them unpoular with dinner party hosts and guests alike.

But now it seems they may have the last laugh, with research showing vegetarians are more intelligent than their meat-eating friends.

A study of thousands of men and women revealed that those who stick to a vegetarian diet have IQs that are around five points higher than those who regularly eat meat.

Yeah, if they're so smart, how come most vegetarians are liberals?

Coming To America

Now this is good news.

MIAMI, Florida (AP)-A group of Cubans deported in January after nearly reaching the United States landed Friday at close to the same spot, a bridge in the Florida Keys that authorities earlier ruled wasn't American soil, a relative said.

The people who beached around 3:30 a.m. at the new Seven Mile Bridge's south end near a state park in the lower Florida Keys had not yet been identified, Monroe County sheriff's spokeswoman Becky Herrin said. They were being taken to a Border Patrol station for processing.

Mariela Conesa said her teenage son, husband and five others in the January group were among the new arrivals. "I am so, so happy," said Conesa, who hadn't seen her son since she left Cuba by homemade boat in 1998.

Merry Christmas, and welcome to America.

We're Looking Into It-Really

I'm sure this will be as fair, honest and impartial as Kofi himself.

NEW YORK--U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan, reacting to an article in The Washington Times, asked U.N. investigators yesterday to look into claims of fraud, favoritism and intimidation inside the U.N. Department of Economic and Social Affairs.

The DESA division, responsible for promoting accountability and good governance in member states, has used contributions from the Italian government to fund duplicitive programs and unnecessary consultants, many of which benefit Italy or its nationals, The Times reported.

The story also said the department had made unusual use of contractors and taken relevant information off its Web site after reporters began asking questions. It said DESA staffers have complained about intimidation.

Sounds like Kofi taught the staffers' bosses well...

To Form A More Perfect Union

Watch the Christian Socialists go nuts over this.

TRENTON, N.J.-Under pressure from New Jersey's highest court to offer marriage or its equivelent to gay couples, ths tate Assembly approved a bill Thursday to create civil unions.

The measure passed 56-19. The state Senate was expected to take up the bill later in the day.

The legislation-which would extend to gay couples all the rights and privelages available under state law to married people-would make New Jersey the third state with civil unions.

This is the sort of thing that real conservatives should be applauding-state decisions handled at the state level. If the rabid Puritans who call themselves conservative don't like it, that's their problem.

The Boob Theory

If people like this bimbo didn't exist, we'd have to invent them.

On Thursday's edition of The View, the ladies, along with co-host Dari Alexander of Fox News, discussed Democratic Senator Tim Johnson's emergency brain surgery and the potential political fallout. Alexander explained to the audience that if Johnson had to resign from the Senate, the Republican governor of South Dakota would pick an interim senator to fulfill the remainder of Johnson's term, thereby creating the potential for an even split in the Senate between Democrats and Republicans. Joy Behar chimed in and put forth another tin foil hat worthy conspiracy theory.

Joy Behar: "Is there such a thing as a man-made stroke? In other words, did someone do this to him?"

Elisabeth Hasselbeck laughed off Behar's ludicrous question, referring to her suggestion as a conspiracy theory, but Behar refused to back down:

Elisabeth Hasselbeck: "Let me ask you something. Why is everything coming from the liberal prospective a conspiracy? This is a conspiracy."
Behar: "I know what this party is capable of."

That's right-the Karl Rove death ray did him in. You cannot make this stuff up.

The Islamists Who Stole Christmas

El Cid must be spinning in his grave.

MADRID (Reuters)-A school in traditionally Catholic Spain has cancelled Christmas celebrations so as not to offend children who are not Christians, ABC newpaper reported on Wednesday.

The Hilarion Gimeno school in Zaragoza said teachers had put forward various reasons for not celebrating Christmas, but ABC said the worry was that Muslim children might be upset.

The school will not put on a nativity play or hand out presents, but pupils will be free to decorate the halls and sing carols.

Meanwhile the Muslim kiddies will celebrate the Moon God with the traditional beheadings. Welcome to the European Caliphate.

Little L Vs. Big R

See, this is why I'm a "Rebel" and not a "Republican."

For many years, those who consider themselves libertarians have been fairly reliable members of the Republican coalition. Though no libertarian would consider himself or herself to be entirely in agreement with either major party, they have historically sided with the GOP. But the relationship today seems more deeply strained than any time in the last 30 years and a divorce may be forthcoming.

Basically, libertarians are allied with the right on economic issues and the left on everything else. They believe in the free market and freedon of choice in areas sich as drugs, and favor a noninterventionist foreign policy. A libertarian could prefer to ally with the right or the left, depending on what issues is most important to him or her.

(snip) With the passing of the older generation of Republican leaders that were at least sympathetic to the libertarian message, a new generation of Puritans have taken over the party. They seen to want nothing more than to impose Dracomian new laws against drugs, gambling, pornography and other alleged vices.

The new Republican Puritans don't trust people or believe they have the right to do as they please as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else. They want the government to impose itstelf on peoples' lives and deny them freedom of choice.

I hope that the GOP once again becomes the party of Reagan, Goldwater and Jefferson and stops being the party of Falwell, Pat Robertson and George W. Bush. If they do, I'll gladly come back to the table. Until then, they can take a hike.

Over There

Oh, this should be fun.

WASHINGTON-Sen. John Kerry, whose botched joke about U.S. troops in Iraq dealt a blow to his presidential ambitions, will travel to Iraq this weekend to meet with soldiers, political leaders and military officials.

"I've talked to plenty of guys who've come back from Iraq, who are there now, who understand exactly what happened," Kerry said of his joke in a telephone interview Tuesday with The Associated Press. "They laugh at it."

Well, they've certainly laughed at you long enough, Ketchup Boy.

Room For Queers

Oh, my. The fundies aren't going to like this.

WEST DES MOINES, IOWA-Kansas Sen. Sam Brownback, among the most conservative of the potential Republican presidential candidates, said Tuesday there's room in the GOP for candidates who favor gay rights, but he warned that such politicians wouldn't be welcomed by the party's conservative base.

"It's a big-tent party and has been for a long period of time, particularly since Ronald Reagan talked about this being a party of different viewpoints," said Brownback. "If somebody agrees with you 80 percent of the time, he's not your enemy."

If Sam wants to help relegate the fundies back to the fringe where they belong, more power to him.

Smear Campaign

If the stain does not fit, you must acquit.

DNA testing conducted by a private lab in the Duke lacross rape case found genetic material from several males in the accuser's body and her underwear-but none from any team member, including the three charged with rape, according to a defense motion filed Wednesday.

The motion, signed by attorneys for defendants Rede Seligmann, Colin Finnerty and David Evans, complained that the information was not disclosed in a report on the testing prosecutors provided earlier this year to the defense.

"This is strong evidence of innocence in a case in which the accuser denied engaging in any sexual activity in they days before the alleged assault, told police she last had consensual sexual intercourse a week before the assault, and claimed that her attackers did not use condoms and ejaculated," the motion read.

Nifong is so done.

Immortal Hangover

Homer Simpson will live forever.

NEW YORK (Reuters Health)-Moderate drinking may lengthen your life, while too much may shorten it, researchers from Italy report. Their conclusion is based on pooled data from 34 large studies involving more than one million people and 94,000 deaths.

According to the data, drinking a moderate amount of alchohol-up to four drinks per day in men and two drinks per day in women-reduces the risk of death from any cause by roughly 18 percent, the team reports in the Archives of Internal Medicine.

In the end there can be only one-and he'll be raising his beer bottle in triumph.

Private School Dancer

Yes, burning off those extra pounds is the first thing that comes to mind when I think of this.

A Northumberland fitness instructor has defended plans to teach children as young as 12 how to pole dance.

Laraine Riddell will start classes in the New Year at a gym in Choppington, in which boys and girls will be taught to spin up and down on a pole.

Ms. Riddell insists the classes are nothing but good exercise for children who are at risk of obesity.

But the children's charity Kidscape, said pole dancing was traditionally linked to erotic acts in clubs.

I wonder if lap dances will be extra credit?

The Hammer And Hillary

Yech. Tell me again, why did some people thought this guy was the greatest thing since sliced bread?

Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay said today that Sen. Hillary Clinton (D.-N.Y.) would be elected president in 2008 and would probably tap Senate colleague Barack Obama (D.-Ill.) as her running mate.

DeLay met with conservative bloggers at a weekly lunch meeting hosted by HUMAN EVENTS and the Heritage Foundation. He is making the rounds in Washington to promote his new blog and activism website, TomDelay.com.

I think Tom needs to get his crystal ball fixed. It seems to be as cracked as he is.

Sacre Taboo

I'll never understand French people for as long as I live.

MONTREAL-In English Canada it is among the baddest of the bad words, a wash-your-mouth-out-with-soap, four-letter epithet considered unsuitable for polite company, never mind broadcast.

And yet, it is heard almost daily on Quebec's f-bomb friendly airwaves, where French-speaking hosts-and their guests-cheerfully throw the word around as a colorful alternative to "heck."

(snip) Private talk radio and television shows adopt a similarly laissez-faire view of one of the English language's most powerful taboo words.

And yet the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission's broadcast regulations state no broadcaster shall permit "obscene or profane language."

But that phrasing contains a key loophole: is the f-word obscene to francophone ears?

"No, it doesn't mean anything," said ethnographer Jean-Pierre Pechette, who's written on the subject and compiled a dictionary of French-Canadian swear words and expressions.

If anything, the francophone ear typically mistakes the oath for "phoque," which is the French word for seal.

Well, seal 'em, then!

Fascism U

I guess the mantra of the Thirties was, "If it feels good, Sieg Heil it."

NEW YORK-Columbia University is coming under increasing criticism over revelations that it built friendly relations with Nazi Germany in the 1930s. Now Columbia's provost is firing back-but he may have shot himself in the foot.

The controversy began last month when the David S. Wyman Institute for Holocaust Studies publicized research by one of its scholars, Professor Stephen Norwood of the University of Oklahoma, revealing a series of steps taken by Columbia president Nicholas Murray Butler during 1933-1937 to forge ties with the Hitler regime.

(snip) Columbia at first tried to duck the controversy. A Columbia spokesman told the New York Post last month that "the university was aware of the accusations, but the administration hasn't decided whether it will investigate them."

But in recent weeks, the controversy has snowballed, including a feature story in the online journal "Inside Higher Ed," a widely respected voice in the academic community.

Columbia provost Alan Brinkley has now responded, telling Inside Higher Ed, "If the events that Professor Norwood describes are examples of 'collaboration,' then the collaborators include many thousands of leaders and citizens of the United States, Britain, and many other nations."

Considering what college campuses are like today, things don't seem to have changed much.

Kofi Checks Out

Oh, give me a break.

U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan, in his farewell address, criticized the Bush administration, warning that America must not sacrifice its Democratic ideals while waging war against terrorism.

In remarks prepared for delivery Monday at the Truman Presidential Museum and Library, Annan also said the Security Council should be expanded.

"Human rights and the rule of law are vital to global security and prosperity," Annan's text said. When the U.S. "appears to abandon its own ideals and objectives, its friends abroad are naturally troubled and confused," he said.

Hey, Kofi, how troubled and confused were you when Saddam was your sugar daddy? Get back to us when you have a clue, asshat.

Flapping In The Wind

Seriously, how stupid are these people?

The flags read "welcome." But not everyone shares that sentiment about the flags, now hanging in the hamlet of Chappaqua.

"I most certainly was warned I'd receive backlash," said business owner Tara Caverzasi. "I did not believe it. I was a little naive."

(snip) Officials at the New Castle Town Hall have received avout 20 phone calls and e-mail messages from residents who don't like the flags.

They're unhappy with the blue and white color scheme, which is commonly associated with Hanukkah and also appears on the flag of Israel. Two of the snowflakes are six-pointed Stars of David, and the flags are tapered at the bottom, making them resemble a symbol of Hanukkah, the dreidal.

Check out the picture of the flag. If anyone can see something "Too Jewish" in the design, they've got better eyesight than I do. What a bunch of morons.

Mahmoud's Malcontents

Let Freedom Ring!

Iranian students have disrupted a speech by President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad at a prestigious Tehran university, setting fire to his picture and heckling him.

"Some students chanted radical slogans and inflamed the atmosphere of the meeting" at the Amir Kabir University, said the semi-official Fars news agency on Monday, which is close to Ahmadenijad.

"A small number of students shouted 'death to the dictator' and smashed cameras of state television but they were confronted by a bigger group of students in the hall chanting: "We support Ahmadinejad," it said.

I guess not everyone's looking forward to the return of the 12th Imam.

Dennis The Menace '08

The Ninth Dwarf is throwing his hat into the ring.

CLEVELAND-Democratic Rep. Dennis Kucinich, who unsuccesfully ran for president in 2004, said Monday he is planning another bid because his party isn't pushing hard enough to end the Iraq War.

In a statement, Kucinich said he plans to formally announce his candidacy on Toesday at Cleveland's City Hall, where he served as mayor of his hometown in the 1970s.

The liberal, anti-war Ohio congressman said he was inspired to run because he disagrees with the way some of his fellow Democrats are handling the war, including approval of a proposal to spend $160 billion more on the conflict.

So it will be the left vs. the left vs. the left in the Dummycrat primaries. Bring popcorn; this is going to be fun.

Get Under The Bus

Is Maliki dead meat?

BAGHDAD, Iraq-Major partners in Iraq's governing coalition are in behind-the-scenes talks to oust Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki amid discontent over his failure to quell raging violence, according to lawmakers involved.

The talks are aimed at forming a new parliamentary bloc that would seek to replace the current government and that would likely exclude supporters of the radical Shiite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr, who is a vehement opponent of the U.S. military presence.

The new alliance would be led by senior Shiite politician Abdul-Aziz al-Hakim, who met with President Bush last week. Al-Hakim, however, was not expected to be the next prime minister because he prefers the role of powerbreaker, staying above the grinding day-to-day running of the country.

If they want somebody to carry on the incompetence there are a few people from the Bush administration who are looking for work now...

By Invitation Only (And Even Then...)

Well, I guess we know where Abby Dinnerjacket's "Debate" stands.

An outspoken Palestinian lawyer was hoping to challenge Holocause deniers during a provacative conference that opens in Iran today. The international gathering will question whether six million Jews were actually slaughtered by the Nazis in the Second World War.

But yesterday Khaled Kasab Mahameed learnt from the Iranian Foreign Ministry-which had invited him to speak-that he would not receive a visa. No reason was given.

Mr. Mahameed suspects that it was because he has an Israli passport. It may also have been because he has made clear what it intended to say.

Some debaters are more equal than others.

Money Order

You served your country. Now you can sue.

Hundreds of troops wounded in Iraq and Afghanistan are to be awarded millions of pounds in compensation following a ruling by the Government that they are victims of crime not war.

Forty injured servicemen are to receive payments of up to 500,000 each in a series of test cases. This is expected to lead to claims from hundreds more of the estimated 1,000 troops injured in combat in Iraq and Afghanistan since 2001.

Payments will be made on a "sliding scale" of about 1,000, for a small facial scar, up to a maximum of 500,000, for the loss of a limb. The ruling was agreed, it is understood, after Government lawyers raised fears that the Ministry of Defence (MoD) could be subject to a legal challgenge by troops claiming they were victims of crime because they were wounded in Iraq after the end of "at war" hostilities in May 2003.

Today's lawyers. An extortion racket of one.

Hangin's Too Good Fer Him

Who wouldn't want this job?

One of the most coveted jobs in Iraq does not yet exist: the executioner for Saddam Hussein. The death senstence against Mr. Hussein is still under review by an appeals court, but hundreds of people have already started lobbying the prime minister's office for the position.

They have sent messages through cabinet officials and their assistants, and by way of government guards and clerical workers. One candidate, an Iraqi Shiite living in London whose brother was killed by Mr. Hussein, telephoned an aide to the prime minister to say he was prepared to drop everything and fly to Baghdad to execute the former ruler.

"One of the hardest tasks will be to determine who gets to be the hangman because so many people want revenge for the loss of their loved ones," said Basam Ridha, an adviser to Prime Minister Nuri Kamal al-Maliki.

It's a necktie party, Mr. Hussein, and your whole country is invited.

America's Iron Lady

We have lost another icon of the Reagan era.

WASHINGTON-Jeane J. Kirkpatrick, a political science professor whose support for Ronald Reagan conservatism catapulted her into the post of U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, had died at 80. She was the first woman to hold the post.

Initially a liberal Democrat, Kirkpatrick championed human rights, opposed Soviet Union communism and supported Israel.

"She defended the cause of freedom at a pivotal time in world history," President Bush said Friday. "Jeane's powerful intellect helped America win the Cold War."

Britain had Margaret Thatcher; America had Jeane Kirkpatrick. Hopefully Heaven is a safer, more secure place with her there.

No Beheadings, Please

The Great Experiment is over.

Tony Blair formally declared Britain's multicultural experiment over yesterday as he told immigrants they had "a duty" to integrate with the mainstream of society.

In a speech that overturned more than three decades of Labour support for the idea, he set out a series of requirements that were now expected from ethnic minority groups if they wished to call themselves British.

These included "equality of repsect"-especially better treatment of women by Muslim men-allegiance to the rule of law and a command of English.

Well, so much for the Jihad, at least in Britain. But don't worry, Islamists, you'll always have Paris...literally.

"From Hell's Heart, I Stab At Thee..."

With the Dummycrats now in charge, just be thankful that this woman will no longer be among them.

The outgoing Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney (D-GA) has taken one last shot at an administration she has always held in contempt.

Rep. McKinney has announced a bill in the House to begin the process of impeaching President George Bush.

The legislation is purely symbolic, however, as incoming Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) says she won't entertain any motion to bring sanctions against the President, for fear of wasting two years of Democratic congressional control on petty issues.

Darn right. After all, the GOP had six years to waste their control. It'll take time for the other side to catch up.

Mary, Mary

Some people should really just learn to mind their own damn business.

Mary Cheney's pregnancy poses problems not just for her child, but also for all Americans. Her action repudiates traditional values and sets an appalling example for young people at a time when father absence is the most pressing social problem facing the nation. With 37 percent of American children born to fatherless families, Mary Cheney is contributing to a trend that is detrimental to all Americans who will live with the ramifications of millions of children whose anger and frustration at not knowing their father will be felt in the public schools and communities of our nation.

Since she's one a'them there eeeevil homos, I guess people wouldn't vote for her Dad if he were running. Or does that only apply to those who don't toe the fundie line like McCain and Giuliani?

In-Law Is As In-Law Does

Well, at least this guy won't be getting any more of those e-mails.

If reports are true and Chelsea Clinton and her boyfriend Marc Mezvinsky are considering marriage, the father of the groom won;t be able to attent the wedding until he is released from prison in November 2008.

Ed Mezvinsky, a former Democratic Congressman from Iowa, is serving a seven-year sentence for fraud after getting caught up in a series of Nigerian e-mail scams.

Intitially, Mezvinsky became the victim of "just about every different kind of African-based scam we've ever seen," federal prosecutor Bob Zauzmer told 20/20 for a report to be broadcast this evening.

No wonder Chelsea wanted to marry into this family. They sound like perfect marks for her parents.

Who Are You?

So this explains Uncle Ernie.

The Who guitarist Pete Townshend claims he was a Muslim mystic in a previous life.

The rocker has studied Islam since meeting spiritual leader Meher Baba in the sixties and has now become convinced that he was a mystical Sufi in a former life.

And he claims the influence of Islam was behind his famous "windmill" guitar-playing tedhnique.

He said: "I went off on a little kind of seeking mission. the teacher who I happened upon was Meher Baba, who said continued use of drugs would lead to madness, death and insanity."

Sounds like the madness and insanity part happened regardless...

Peanuts

Right, Jimmah. Whatever you say.

I SIGNED A CONTRACT with Simon & Schuster two years ago to write a book about the Middle East, based on my personal observations with Israeli political leaders and peace activists.

We covered every Palestinian community in 1996, 2005 and 2006, when Yasser Arafat and later Mahmoud Abbas were elected president and members of parliament were chosen. The elections were almost flawless, and turnout was very high-except in East Jerusalem, where, under severe Israeli restraints, only about 2% of registered voters managed to cast ballots.

The many controversial issues concerning Palestine and the path to peace for Israel are intensely debated among Israelis and throughout other nations-but not in the United States. For the last 30 years, I have witnessed and experienced the severe restraints on any free and balanced discussion of the facts. This reluctance to criticize any policies of the Israeli government is because of the extraordinary lobbying efforts of the American-Israel Political Action Committee and the absence of any significant contrary voices.

Hey, I'm all for honest debate and discussion about Israel. Too bad Jimmah and his friends, for all their protestations, aren't.

I Demand A Recount

Quick! Call in the lawyers!

GASTONIA-Would Ronald Reagan's re-election have been even more of a runaway, or would Walter Mondale have claimed another precint?

That's one question after a bizzare discovery Wednesday in Gastonia: a locked metal box full of ballots from the 1984 election.

The box was sitting behind a house off West Mauney Avenue when Jim Rudisill found it.

(snip) It's not clear where the ballots go from here. Elections officials and others familiar with elections law, however, say the case is more curious than crooked.

Maybe it's Al Gore's long-lost "Lock Box?"

Big Mullah Is Watching You

Oh, now they're upset.

Amnesty International is greatly concerned at the rising tide of censorship in Iran and the government's continuing harassment of human rights defenders. The blocking of access to Internet sites, closure of newspaperes and websites, the banning of books, and arrests and intimidation of journalists, bloggers and human rights defenders who spread the news of human rights violations indicate the Iranian authorities' continuing and increasing restriction of the right to freedom of expression, including the right to freedom to seek, recieve and impart information and ideas.

Most recently, popular sites such as Wikipedia, YouTube and Amazon.com have been blocked, permanently or temporarily, as part of a growing trend of restriction of sites which are deemed "immoral or against the principals of Islam". In practice, many sites belonging to domestic and foreign news organizations, political organizations, and those carrying information about human rights have been blocked. For example, the Tehran-based Kurdish Human Rights Organization's site, and the Meydeen site which carried information about women's human rights, including a campaign launched recently aimed at abolishing execution by stoning in Iran, have both been blocked.

Well, if Amnesty International is willing to criticize Iran you know there's problems. Normally they only say this kind of stuff about us.

Middle Of The Road

Here's another Republican who makes sense, which means the Christian Socialists hate him.

Former GOP Senator Al D'Amato said Republicans will "race to the center" in 2008 to make up for losses in the 2006 elections, and Sen. John McCain will be the man to lead them there.

D'Amato, appearing Thursday on Fox News Channel, said the Republican Party was hurt in the elections by the "morass" in Iraq and the ineffectiveness of a GOP-controlled Congress to pass meaningful legislation.

(snip) D'Amato said McCain can help bring voters back to the party for the 2008 presidential elections.

"If we have someone who demonstrates strength and compassion, like a John McCain, if we stay away from issues which almost trivialize the political process, like gay marriage...that's nonsense. We shouldn't be about that."

Hopefully a year of Nancy Pelosi running the show will convince even the most die-hard social conservative that holding their noses is preferable to the alternative. If it doesn't, then there's no hope for them.

Calling All Cavewomen

Ladies, the next time you complain your husbands never take you anywhere, consider this.

A new explanation for the demise of the Neanderthals, the stockily built human species that occupied Europe into the arrival of modern humans 45,000 years ago, has been proposed by two anthropologists at the University of Arizona.

Unlike modern humans, who had developed a versatile division of labor between men and women, the entire Neanderthal population seems to have been engaged in a single main occupation, the hunting of large game, the scientists, Steven L. Kuhn and Mary C. Stiner, say in an article posted online yesterday in Current Anthropology.

Because modern humans exploited the environment more efficiently, by having men hunt large game and women gather small game and plant foods, their populations would have outgrown those of the Neanderthals.

I can see it now: "Why we not be more like Oogs? He let his wife go hunting with him!"

"You haven't seen Mr. and Mrs. Oog around lately, have you?"

Cattle Call

As Nelson would say, Ha, Ha!

PHEONIX-An Arizona appeals court on Wednesday upheld a jury's $600,000 judgement in favor of a rancher in a defamation lawsuit, rejecting an environmental group's argument that documents it posted on the Internet were shielded by the First Amendment.

The Court of Appeals upheld a Pima County Superior Court jury's award of compensatory and punitive damages to Jim Chilton in his lawsuit against the Center for Puplic Diversity, a nonprofit with offices in Arizona, California, New Mexico, Orego and Washington, D.C.

A lawyer for the rancher said the appellate court had stood up for a person wrongly defamed, while an attorney for the center said the ruling trampled citizen's right to petition for redress of grievances.

Er, the last time I checked, redress of grievances didn't mean slandering someone. But I guess to some lawyers they've become one and the same.

Too Hot To Handle

How ironic is this?

The final tragedy for poisoned Russian spy Alexander Litvinenko unravelled today as his family were denied the Muslim funeral he had wished for.

Mr. Litvinenko, 43, who was poisoned with a lethal dose of polonium-210, converted to Islan shortly before his death in a London hospital exactly two weeks ago.

His family had asked friends of the former KGB agent to attend Regent's Park Mosque for a full Muslim ceremony in which his coffin would be brought into the prayer hall.

But the authorities ruled that the potential for radiation being emitted from his body jeopardised the safety of the public.

Well, the way things are going, if the Islamists have their way Mr. Litvinenko may one day have plenty of company...

Run From The Border

This might actually be an improvement.

LOS ANGELES (Reuters)-New Jersey health officials addressing an E.Coli outbreak on Wednesday asked Taco Bell restaurants in the state to throw out all their food and better train workers in hygiene and food handling.

At least 47 people in New Jersey, New York and Pennsylvania have been infected with E.coli in the last few weeks, and dozens more potential cases are being investigated. Many of the infected people had eaten at Taco Bell prior to becoming sick, the states said.

Funny, I would have thought Taco Bells were the healthiest places in Jersey...

Rudy's Response

America's Mayor tells the Iraq Surrender Group to take a hike.

WASHINGTON-Mayor Giuliani resigned from the Iraq Study Group when it became clear that signing the group's report would politicize its findings and conflict with his likely presidential run in 2008.

When asked yesterday by The New York Sun, the mayor said he had not read the report;s recommendations but that some of those he had heard about on television sounded "Useful."

Nonetheless, Mr. Giuliani's views on the war are in contrast to the Iraq Study Group's conclusions. The extent of Mr. Giuliani's disagreement with the bipartisan group's Iraq policy recommendations, published yesterday, was made clear in remarks he made to a talk-show host, Dennis Prager, on Tuesday.

"The idea of leaving Iraq, I think, is a terrible mistake," the former mayor said.

But-but he's one of them durn librul queer lovers and gun-grabbers! And that's far more important than, you know, national security, right?

Working for A Living

What're they gonna do, go on strike?

WASHINGTON-Forget the minimum wage. Forget outsourcing jobs overseas. The labor issue most on the minds of members of Congress on Tuesday was their own: They will have to work five days a week starting in January.

Rep. Steny Hoyer, the Maryland Democrat who will become House majority leader and is writing the schedule for the next Congress, said members should expect longer hours.

"I have bad news for you," Hoyer told reporters. "Those trips you had planned in January, forget ;em. We will be working almost every day in January, starting with the fourth.

"It's awful, isn't it?" Hoyer said.

Oh, the horror...the horror...

Free Markets Vs. Food Nazis

Guess what? Capitalism works, after all!

McDonald's is closing its outlet in a town known for quality food and healthy, local produce.

The fast food chain in Tavistock, Devon, simply wasn't being used enough by locals.

So after seven years of struggling to make ends meet in a town that has won many accolades for the quality of its food, McDonald's will finally shut up shop on Saturday.

John Taylor, chairman of Tavistock EatWise campaign, said: "Because of the quality of our local food McDonald's has not been able to compete."

You mean that people can decide on their own what they want to eat, and businesses can succeed or fail accordingly? I am shocked.

The Red Hand Of Friendship

Now why doesn't this surprise me?

OPTORO, Portugal (Reuters)-European Socialists promised on Thursday to work to rebuild Europe's strategic alliance with the United States now that the Democrats control Congress after last month's elections.

Socialist leaders attending a meeting of the European Socialist Party pledged that with the Democrats on the rise, strong ties could be renewed with the United States after years of cool relations with Republican President George W. Bush.

Howard Dean, chairman of the national committee of the U.S. Democratic Party, is attending the two-day conference together with the leaders of leftist governments of seversl countries and party leaders from across Europe.

Well, I'm sure Mad How fits right in over there. Let the screaming commence!

Purple Finger Pointing

The Baker Report is out, the results are in, and the whining has begun in Baghdad.

A call for President George W. Bush to reduce US support to Iraq if Baghdad fails to improve security drew a sour response from Iraqi politicians, who said Washington had an obligation to back their government.

"The US calls itself an occupying force in Iraq and, according to the Geneva Conventions, if you are an occupier then you are reponsible for the country," said parliamentarian Mahmoud Othman, a Kurd.

"They have no right to do this. This is unfair."

Hey, weasles-we didn't do it just for you. We helped you get rid of Saddam; now you need to learn to stand on your own two feet.

History's Worst Writer

Jimmah loses more friends than he created enemies during his presidency.

A longtime aide to Jimmy Carter has resigned from the Carter Center think tank, calling the former president's new book on Israel and the Arabs one-sided and filled with errors.

Kenneth Stein, the Carter Center's first executive director and founder of its Middle East program, sent a letter that bluntly criticized the book to Carter and others.

Stein wrote that the book, "Palestine: Peace, Not Apartheid," was replete with factual errors, material copied from other sources and "simply invented segments," according to an excdrpt of the letter published by the Atlanta Journal-Constitution.

Seriously, how bad does Peanut Boy have to be before somebody who willingly worked for him decides to quit?

Dear Dad

Maybe this is part of the problem.

WASHINGTON (Reuters)-President George W. Bush, facing growing public discontent over the Iraq war, admitted on Monday his parents are worried about him but insisted he rarely talks policy with his father.

Bush acknowledged, however, he did consult with the 41st president before nominating Robert Gates, CIA director under his father, to replace Donald Rumsfeld as defense secretary. But he said the elder Bush had no advance knowledge of the appointment.

In a rare glimpse of his realtionship with the former president after recent signs of possible strains between the two men, Bush said he calls his parents every two weeks.

"I love to talk to my dad about things between a father and son, not policy," he said.

I'll bet he gets an earful from Barbara, though.

Merry Solstice

Now this is funny.

In tongue-and-cheek deference to the American Civil Liberties Union, students at the University of Texas displayed an "ACLU SOlstice Barn" on campus, featuring politically correct figures.

"We've got Gary and Joseph instead of Mary and Joseph in order to symbolize ACLU support for homosexual marriage, and of course there isn't a Jesus in the manger," said Tony McDonald, chairman of the Young Conservatives of Texas branch on the Austin campus.

The group, whose plans WND had reported earlier, installed the "creche" on the West Mall of the campus for display yesterday and today.

They forgot to add a PETA protester denouncing Gary and Joseph for having farm animals, however.

Pulling The Plug

They lost, and now they're acting like it.

WASHINGTON (AP)-House Republicans on Tuesday postponed action on what was to be on e of the last major legislative achievments of this session of Congress, a bill to open a large area of the eastern Gulf of Mexico to oil and gas drilling.

Republicans gave no reason for the decision not to vote on the Senate plan to open 8.3 million acres of the Gulf that is now off limits to drilling and also steer hundreds of millions of federal royalty payments to four Gulf coast states-a windfall for Louisiana, which would get about half the money.

"The House will revisit the offshore drilling legislation again at some point before the end of this week, although details on the mechanics of how the measure will be considered have yet to be decided," Kevin Madden, spokesman for House Majority Leader John Boehner, said in a statement.

See you in about forty years, guys. It'll take that long for you to find your cajones again.

Scratch'n'Sniff

Well, at least this will cover up the normal stench.

SAN FRANCISCO (Reuters)-Hoping to stir up thirst for milk, officials installed advertisements in several San Francisco bus shelters on Monday that give off the scent of freshly baked cookies.

the technology that creates the scent is very similar to that used in magazine ads. Scented adhesives are placed throughout the interior of the bus shelters, including under the benches.

"As long as they are not harmful chemicals, it's OK," one somewhat confused elderly woman said as she pondered the cookie smell in one of the shelters. "They are trying to sell milk? Is that it?"

I'm waiting for the old hippies to start freaking out because they think they're having acid flashbacks...

Setting Up Shop

While we've been wasting our time trying to fix Iraq, Bin Laden's boys have been busy on the Dark Continent.

WASHINGTON-Al Qaida has emerged as a major player in the new Islamic regime in Somalia.

The United States has learned that Al Qaida provides training, weaponry and funding to the ruling Islamic movement in Somalia. In 2006, Islamic fighters, known as the Union of Islamic Courts, took over Mogadishu and much of the country, Middle East Newsline reported.

"They [Al Qaida] are providing great comfort," Assistant Secretary of State Jendayi Frazer said.

So, I guess we have to add Somalia to the list of countries we have to invade next. See what happens when you're not paying attention?

He's Just Slow

For a minute, I thought this was about John Kerry.

TACOMA, Wash.-For nearly 20 years-ever since Pete Costello was 8-his mother has collected disability benefits on his behalf.

In meetings with Social Security officials and psychologists, he appeared mentally retarded and unable to communicate. His mother insisted he couldn't read or write, shower, take care of himself or drive a car.

But now prosecutors said it was all a huge fraud, and they have video of Costello contesting a traffic ticket to prove it.

"He's like any other person trying to get out of a traffic ticket," Assistant U.S. Attorney Norman Barbosa said Tuesday.

Dang, I'm surprised he didn't run for Congress. He'd fit right in.

Detention For Life

Cry me a friggin' river.

DAYTONA BEACH, Fla.-One of the teenagers responsible for beating a Holly Hill homeless man to death asked a judge to reduce his 22-year prison sentence Monday. Warren Messner and three other teens pled guilty to killing the man because they were bored, but Messner said prison is too hard.

Messner is a big boy. He was 15 at the time he was brought into the woods to see the homeless man his friends had been beating. Even at that young age, he outweighed the victim, Michael Roberts, buy 200 pounds when he jumped on his chest, crushing his ribcage. Roberts died.

"Did you feel bad when you were doing it?" Messner was asked during questioning.

"Not really, no," he replied.

He didn't feel bad then, but he does now. He has been in juvenile detention for eight months, locked in a small cell and occasionally allowed to go to class.

Sorry, sonny. If you can't hold the soap, don't act like a dope.

I Think That I Shall Never See

...Anyone loonier than thee.

BERKELEY-Three protesters hoping to save a grove of oaks in front of UC Berkeley's Memorial Stadium held out hope Monday the university will drop its plans to remove the trees to build a $25 million sports training complex.

Native American leader Zachary Running Wolf, 43, and environmentalist Jess Walsh, 20, have been in the trees since early Saturday morning. UC Berkeley philosophy student Aaron Diek, 21, joined them Saturday afternoon.

"I plan to stay up here until the university decides to build somewhere else and save this grove for the community or until I'm forcibly removed," said Running Wolf, who last month ran an unsuccessful campaign for Berkeley mayor.

These are Nancy Pelosi's constituents. Their bark is always worse than their bite.

Baker's Dozen

When an adult speaks, people should listen.

For years, the question I was most often asked about Desert Storm is why we did not remove Saddam Hussein from power. [The answer is that] a coalition war to liberate Kuwait could then have been portrayed as a US war of conquest. Furthermore, even if Saddam were captured and his regime toppled, American forces would still have been confronted with the spectre of a military occupation of indefinite duration to pacify a country and sustain a new government in power. The ensuing urban warfare would surely have resulted in more casualties to American GIs than the war itself, this creating a political firestorm at home.

And as much as Saddam's neighbours wanted to see him gone, they feared Iraq would fragment in unpreictable ways that would play into the hands of the mullahs in Iran, who could export their brand of Islamic findamentalism with the help of Iraq's Shias and quickly transform themselves into a dominant regional power.

Finally, the Security Council resolution under which we were operating authorised us to use force only to kick Iraq out of Kuwait, nothing more. As events have ambly demonstrated, I am no longer asked why we did not remove Saddam in 1991!

Well, except by the diehard Bushbots who refuse to acknowledge reality...

More Monkey Business

Junk science marches on!

BEDFORD-Doug Garrett knows that when the latest display in the Land of Limestone Museum at Oakland City University Bedford is unveiled next week, he will be branded a "Christian kook" by some.

He also knows that the number of visitors coming to the small Christian university will likely grow wxponentially from the 1,000 or so it currently sees in a year.

Neither notoriety nor attention sent the 35-year-old educator on a mission that required thousands of hours of research and three years of his life to put creationism vs. Darwinism.

Those who subscribe to Darwin's Theory of evolution "are entitled to their own opinions, but not to their own facts," Garrett said. "Evolution and atheism require blind faith, while the path of logic and reason leads straight to Jesus."

Call me crazy, but I think Mr. Garrett has that last part backwards...

Fantasy Land

Talk about delusional.

In the wake of the Senate election results in Virginia, George Allen's political obituary is being written...again. By my count, this is the fifth time political experts have tried to shovel dirt on his grave, prematurely.

In the 2008 presidential polls, which started coming out within hours of the 2006 elections, Allen's name is not even included, although Democratic polls still include Al Gore, John Kerry and Howard Dean. Losing a single election does not necessarily mean permanent exile from presidential consideration.

There is no reason to assume Allen is definitely out of the 2008 race, although his task is formidable. The pundits who are writing him off ignore some pertinent facts.

(snip) The Democrats, by their actions, have declared Allen to be the front-runner for 2008, even if Republicans have not yet done so. Allens opponents are deathly afraid of him, and always have been.

It must be nice living in Macacaland...

Safe European Home

Michael Mooron will be pleased to learn of another resounding success story in the crime-free socialist paradise that is Britain.

A massive haul of 65 high-powered guns has been seized by police, it's been disclosed.

The guns were recovered during a raid on what turned out to be an empty house in Crystal Palace, south London.

Some of the guns were hidden under the floorboards or underneath wardrobes in the property, while others were simply left lying around.

Police believe the guns were destined for use by criminal gangs in south London. Many of the guns seized were banned weapons.

Well, obviously they have to ban empty houses next.

The Ice Queen Cometh

And so it begins.

WASHINGTON (AP)-Democratic jockeying for the White House in 2008 intensified on Sunday with Indiana Sen. Evan Bayh taking the first official step toward a run and Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton gauging support among fellow New York lawmakers.

(snip) Clinton, who easily won re-election to a second term on Nov. 7, "is reaching out to her colleagues in the New York delegation and asking for their advice and counsel and their support if she decides to make a run," a top adviser, Howard Wolfson, told The Associated Press.

He noted that Clinton had said she would begin actively considering a run after the election. :That process has begun," Wolfon said. He said he did not know when she might make a decision or set up an exploratory committee.

You can tell she's serious because Bill has formed his own exploratory committee of the White House interns.

Good Riddance

Fidel Castro isn't the only third world thug feeling poorly these days.

SANTIAGO, Chile-Gen. Augusto Pinochet, whose 17-year dictatorship carried out thousands of political killings, widespread torture and illegal jailings, clung to life in a Chilean hospital Sunday after suffering a heart attack and being administered last rites.

Just eight days earlier, the 91-year-old former strongman took full responsibility for the actions of his 1973-90 regime after long insisting any abuses were the fault of subordinates.

Pinochet underwent an emergency angioplasty to restore the flow of blood to his heart, and doctors described his condition as "serious but stable." They planned to perform bypass surgery later in the day, state television reported.

Don't you actually need a heart to have bypass surgery? Seriously, supporting this waste of oxygen was one of the worst things we ever did. I hope the scumbag rots.

Goodbye Havana

Is Fidel finally finished?

HAVANA, Dec 2 (Reuters)-Fidel Castro's absence on Saturday from a major military parade in his honor was the surest sign yet that his 47-year-long reign as Cuba's undisputed leader has come to an end, experts said.

They said illness and old age had done what 10 U.S. presidents could not clearing the way for his brother Raul Castro to take full command of the communist island.

(snip) "I think Dec. 2 clearly marks the end of the Fidel era. We have now unambigously entered a new post-Fidel phase in the revolution," said Frank Mora, a professor of national security strategy at the National War College in Washington.

Of course Fidel's just restin'...but 'e's got lovely plumage...

"Didn't They Get The Memo?"

And the biggest durn librul who wanted us to change course in Iraq is:

WASHINGTON, Dec. 2-Two days before he resigned as defense secretary, Donald H. Rumsfeld submitted a classified memo to the White House that acknowledged that the Bush administration's strategy in Iraq was not working and called for a major course correction.

"In my view it is time for a major adjustment," wrote Mr. Rumsfeld, who has been a symbol of the dogged stay-the-course policy. "Clearly, what U.S. forces are currently doing in Iraq is not working well enough or fast enough."

Nor did Mr. Rumsfeld seem confident that the administration would readily develop an effective alternative. To limit the political fallout from shifting course he suggested the administration consider a campaign to lower public expectations.

"Announce that whatever new approach the U.S. decides on, the U.S. is doing so on a trial basis," he wrote. "This will give us the ability to readjust and move to another course, if necessary, and therefore not lose."

Well, it looks like Bush didn't get the memo.

The Porcelain Piggybank

The next time you use the bathroom, make sure a lawyer didn't get to it first.

CORAL SPRINGS, FLA.-The bathrooms in the country club were opulent, with marble floors and antique furniture. But months after purchasing the club, the owners gutted them.

The problem: The walls at the Carolina Club were about an inch too narrow under the Americans with Disabilities Act.

Robert Cohen and his attorney sued the place in 2003, saying he felt discriminated against, even though he was not a club member and had no interest in joining. He sued the same business in 1998 when it was under different ownership.

Cohen has also filed ADA lawsuits against Publix supermarkets, McDonald's, Comfort Suites and others-more than 300 federal lawsuits in Florida over the past several years.

Disabled people are not supposed to receive monetary damages from lawsuits over alleged ADA violations, but their attorneys receive fees. Some court-watchers suspect that some disabled people are getting a cut under the table from their attorneys and that these bursts of lawsuits are nothing but shakedown attempts.

"They're what's called drive-by lawsuits," said David Goldfarb, a Miami-based ADA consultant who testifies for business owners who are being sued. "One plaintiff's attorney and one plaintiff will file 10 lawsuits in the same day on the same street. You throw out 10 and hope that eight of them stick."

Well, even con artists need to make a living. It's the Jesse Jackson school of law, after all.

Hands Across The Border

Cue the spooky music, the black helicopters are a-comin'!

PHEONIX-A veteran Republican lawmaker is accusing President Bush of pushing a behind-the-scenes agenda that will result in the United States being merged with Mexico and Canada.

State Sen. Karen Johnson, R-Mesa, said she believes the Security and Prosperity Partnership, being run out of the White House and the U.S. Department of Commerce, is little more than a secret plan to end U.S. sovereignity by 2010. And she said Congress is being kept in the dark until the point that it becomes a done deal.

Johnson, who will head the Senate Education Committee this coming session, said the signs already are there, from an "inland port" in Kansas CIty and construction of a superhighway corridor through Texas to the lack of any real action in building a wall between the U.S. and Mexico.

"It's all because it's going to be open," Johnson told Capitol Media Services, "It's all going to be a 'North American community,' just like the European Union," she continued, complete with the creation of a single currency just like the Euro.

Well, this is just going to throw the Illuminati's plans all out of whack now that they've been exposed.

Fat Busted

Where do creeps like this a-hole come from?

FBI agents have arrested a St. Louis businessman who they say posed as a highly decorated Marine Major even though he never served in the Corps.

Forty-eight-year-old Michael Weilbacher was arrested while attending a local Marine Corps League meeting.

Federal authorities say he was spotted earlier this month at another event, the Marine Corps Annual Birthday Ball, wearing several distinguished medals.

Well, maybe he can have a career in the Senate. It worked for John Kerry and Jack Murtha...

It Tastes Like Chicken

Sounds like some markets are taking a cue from school cafeterias and fast-food joints.

NEW YORK-When a food safety inspector walked into a market in Queens, he noticed the store had an interesting special posted on its front window: 12 beefy armadillos. In Brooklyn, inspectors found 15 pounds of iguana meat at a West Indian market and 200 pounds of cow lungs for sale at another market. At a West African grocery in Manhattan, the store was selling smoked rodent meat from a refrigerated display case. An inspector quickly seized a couple pounds of it.

All of it was headed for the dinner table. All of it was also illegal.

Authorities say the discoveries are part of a larger trend in which markets across New York are buying meat and other foods from unregulated sources and selling them to an immigrant population accustomed to more exotic fare.

Ah, diversity....

Obama Rising

Is the Beast bowing out?

December 1, 2006-WASHINGTON-Iowa Deomcrats say there's a growing feeling in the key 2008 state that Hillary Rodham Clinton is going to take a pass on the presidency if rising rival Barack Obama jumps in.

"She's been quiet and, you know, there's a question that we all hear is that she may not get in this if Barack Obama gets in," Iowa Interim Democratic Party Chairman Rob Tully said.

Obama, the Illinois senator and surging Democratic darling, is raising his profile with national TV appearances and an upcoming trip to New Hampshire, while Sen. Clinton has been holed up at her home in Chappaqua and hasn't appeared in public in over two weeks.

So Hillary(tm) has decided to become the Invisible Woman? Good, maybe she'll stay that way.

Ronery But Healthy

All hail Mini-Me, the Great Healer!

SEOUL (Reuters)-North Korea has relied on the wise leadership of Kim Jong-il to make sure there have been no outbreaks of AIDS in the reclusive country, its official media reported on Friday.

North Korean media, which often gives glowing reports of Kim offering expert guidance on subjects as varied as cobbling shoes, firing howitzers and irrigating fields, said its Dear Leader has been deeply conderned about AIDS.

"Under the wise guidance of leader Kim Jong-il, the DPRK (North Korea) established the strategy of prevention and control of AIDS with orderly systems of its information, prgnostication and watch, and examination across the country," an official newspaper said.

The fact that there's no sex in North Korea except with Dear Leader probably helped, too.